JangMi1221 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) He called me a quitter. That rings in my head everyday, but did he truly understand me? I don't think he truly heard me - I was crying out for him, his attention, my desire for him to LOVE me. Things I feel like he should've been inclined to do opposed to me asking - otherwise I would've been repeating my first three relationships. Although he's not reading this, I can release it from my heart and tell my side. I am NOT a quitter. When I met him (the 4th guy), my heart was beaten down and (what I thought) burnt to the core. Almost 20 years of enduring trauma to my body, spirit, emotions, and finances - I still chose to take a risk on love with him. That's NOT a quitter. Was I perfect? No. Was I willing to make it work? Yes. That's NOT a quitter. However, I will NOT allow myself to be juggled with other women again. Period. Platonic friends are great. I have them too. But I don't make sexually-charged comments towards several men or have emotional connections with multiple men who are just friends. So why did he have the desire to do it? He called it harmless fun - I did not find that funny. I've been subjected to ALL of that before. He called it quitting and me being judgmental - I call it having respect for myself and not dropping my standards. When did I ever have a solid chance while he was "multitasking" his time & emotions with others? I just wanted 100% of him. I believed him when he said that he wasn't sleeping with them. However, affairs don't start in the bedroom - they start with conversations. So I am NOT a quitter. I did walk away because I didn't feel valued and because I did not want him to deal with an emotionally damaged woman. Each time he came back, I embraced him with open arms. Paragraphs and paragraphs of text messages pouring my heart out to him. The fact that I CARE. I AM NOT a quitter. Despite it all, I still miss him and still have so much love for him. No matter how much my heart melts when I think him, how much passion we shared, and how much I desire to just hug him & hear his voice, I absolutely refuse to make a fool of myself again. Victim? No. Wounded? Yes. Quitter - no. Just brave enough to stand on my values. Make no mistake - I'm not bashing him. I love him. I miss him like crazy. But he holds his views and values. I hold mine. They didn't align and it would be selfish (towards myself and towards him) to force something that he doesn't want. Been there, done that. So I am NOT a quitter. Edited December 28, 2015 by JangMi1221
lakerman34 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 He called me a quitter. That rings in my head everyday, but did he truly understand me? I don't think he truly heard me - I was crying out for him, his attention, my desire for him to LOVE me. Things I feel like he should've been inclined to do opposed to me asking - otherwise I would've been repeating my first three relationships. Although he's not reading this, I can release it from my heart and tell my side. I am NOT a quitter. When I met him (the 4th guy), my heart was beaten down and (what I thought) burnt to the core. Almost 20 years of enduring trauma to my body, spirit, emotions, and finances - I still chose to take a risk on love with him. That's NOT a quitter. Was I perfect? No. Was I willing to make it work? Yes. That's NOT a quitter. However, I will NOT allow myself to be juggled with other women again. Period. Platonic friends are great. I have them too. But I don't make sexually-charged comments towards several men or have emotional connections with multiple men who are just friends. So why did he have the desire to do it? He called it harmless fun - I did not find that funny. I've been subjected to ALL of that before. He called it quitting and me being judgmental - I call it having respect for myself and not dropping my standards. When did I ever have a solid chance while he was "multitasking" his time & emotions with others? I just wanted 100% of him. I believed him when he said that he wasn't sleeping with them. However, affairs don't start in the bedroom - they start with conversations. So I am NOT a quitter. I did walk away because I didn't feel valued and because I did not want him to deal with an emotionally damaged woman. Each time he came back, I embraced him with open arms. Paragraphs and paragraphs of text messages pouring my heart out to him. The fact that I CARE. I AM NOT a quitter. Despite it all, I still miss him and still have so much love for him. No matter how much my heart melts when I think him, how much passion we shared, and how much I desire to just hug him & hear his voice, I absolutely refuse to make a fool of myself again. Victim? No. Wounded? Yes. Quitter - no. Just brave enough to stand on my values. Make no mistake - I'm not bashing him. I love him. I miss him like crazy. But he holds his views and values. I hold mine. They didn't align and it would be selfish (towards myself and towards him) to force something that he doesn't want. Been there, done that. So I am NOT a quitter. I'm happy you got all this out. Honestly, you guys don't sound compatible, at all. You were absolutely right for dumping his sorry ass. Sounds like he was cheating on you emotionally. Don't accept nothing but 100% for yourself. He doesn't sound like he was giving it to you. No, you're not a quitter. You sound strong and full of self-respect. Your guy sounds like an immature, disrespectful douche. 1
PinkElephants Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I applaud your conviction. You clearly have the values and self-respect it takes to know when to walk away. I was crying out for him, his attention, my desire for him to LOVE me. Things I feel like he should've been inclined to do opposed to me asking - otherwise I would've been repeating my first three relationships. My question is why do you continue to choose the exact same type of man who won't love you or give you the security, fidelity, and respect that you want? 4 times you've chosen the same man and been burned. Quit does mean "to give up"; it also means "to free oneself" as in quitting a bad habit. Why not own what he said and quit sub-par men? My ex once said that I'd never find anyone like him. He meant it as an insult but he was absolutely right. I'd never again date someone with emotional problems, unstable employment, who is needy and emotionally dependent on me. Maybe your ex is right too. Maybe you're a quitter in the best possible way in that you're quitting men who lie to you, use you and cheat on you. 3
SixxChick Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I applaud your conviction. You clearly have the values and self-respect it takes to know when to walk away. My question is why do you continue to choose the exact same type of man who won't love you or give you the security, fidelity, and respect that you want? 4 times you've chosen the same man and been burned. Quit does mean "to give up"; it also means "to free oneself" as in quitting a bad habit. Why not own what he said and quit sub-par men? My ex once said that I'd never find anyone like him. He meant it as an insult but he was absolutely right. I'd never again date someone with emotional problems, unstable employment, who is needy and emotionally dependent on me. Maybe your ex is right too. Maybe you're a quitter in the best possible way in that you're quitting men who lie to you, use you and cheat on you. Well said, PinkElephants. Well said. 1
basil67 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I agree that quitting isn't a bad thing. A good response to being called a quitter is to say "well, I'm sure quitting ON YOU" 1
Author JangMi1221 Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 I appreciate the encouraging words everyone - I see things from a new perspective. I'm glad this website exists, because it's so easy for people to drown in their own pain, lose hope, make more bad decisions, and lose enjoyment for life because they're emotionally paralyzed. Sharing with & encouraging other people who are complete strangers......wow...what an amazing human connection. ....And you know how to hit one with the truth lakerman34!! Ha! Ha! The truth hurts, but it will set you free! You all are right....if a quitter is what I am, then I QUIT tolerating BS. So I'm free! :-)
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