PeachFuzzBuzz Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I don’t really know where to start, but I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. Sorry for the long read in advance, I just need to vent and write it all down My ex (I guess you could call her an ex) and I met each other while we were both living abroad. However, after a couple weeks, she told me she had a boyfriend of 3 years and they were living together. She said that they have an open relationship, although their RS has always been “strange”. She told me the BF knew about me and was ‘ok’ with it. We continued seeing each other for the next 2 months, and I sometimes felt uncomfortable but she reassured me things btw them were ok, even though fighting btw them had increased (at one point her BF thought her seeing me was too much, she told him “this is how it is and if you don’t like it let’s breakup” ). Soon her BF left for home early and it was just she and I. Things had definitely escalated btw us, seeing each other all the time, even taking a trip together. I had a very strong connection to her and she said she hadn’t felt this way in a long time. However, as we saw each other more and more I started to see some of her true colors. She would become extremely jealous if I spoke to female friends, which would lead to her telling me “you don’t love me” or “you think I’m ugly”. She even told me she hated my one particular friend because “she was pretty”. At one point, she made out with another guy at a bar in front of me to make me jealous. She would often start arguments with passive aggressive behaviour, while her apologies were often not genuine or non-existent. As I learned about her past, I began to notice how many poor decisions she had made in her life – abusive relationships, drug history – and noticed her reckless behavior (while vacationing, her and I split up one night and I was told by a friend she was walking the streets asking for meth). However, the sex for us was incredible. She often told me that sex with me was the best she ever had, and with past partners it was never as good (this included her BF). She told me I have brought her out of her shell and helped her a lot. Along with this, I was told that guys have always done what she wanted in the past but I was ‘different’. She said she wanted to remain friends no matter what happened. At the 6-month mark, we both returned home but we live in different countries. At this point, she became very cold and distant, and although we spoke less, she would often ignore me when I tried to talk, and say things like “I can’t keep playing your GF too” or “what did you think would happen” or “my BF is my future”. I was extremely hurt by her indifference towards me. It was then she explained that her BF wanted to close their RS. A few months pass by and while talking she tells me that she actually told her BF that she’s not attracted to him sexually and needs an open RS, so she was now looking for casual sex. I then asked her not to tell me anymore since I’d rather not know (I also felt bad for the BF but that’s their RS not mine). She agreed not to tell me. However, a couple weeks later she texts me to tell me she’s seeing this new guy (ex heroin addict – 8 months clean), and when we Skype she brings him up again and tells me he's 'super hot' and they slept together. So I tell her I’m really uncomfortable and end the chat. I text her later asking her why she would tell me and she reads my msg but ignores me. I wait a couple days and ask her if we can Skype, but again she ignores me and instead sends me a random internet link. At this point, I’m so heartbroken and hurt and feel as though she never cared about my feelings whatsoever. I decided to send her one last message about how I felt and she responded with such indifference (said “I’m sorry you’re hurting, what do you want me to do to help?”). I then blocked her on all social media. It’s been 3 months of NC and although I have good days and bad, I am sad for the way it ended. I want to talk to her, as I miss our conversations, but I feel that she doesn’t care about me or hurting me, and I am starting to feel that I was used. I feel as though I gave her all of my heart, but she simply didn’t care and has already moved on. I haven’t received an email or a letter (she has my address), or anything. I don’t feel ready to date yet, as I feel still emotionally broken and used, and feel as though my self-esteem as really taken a blow. Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and has any advice. I’m feeling pretty low. Thank you to whomever reads this, this website has really helped me, and the posts and stories from other members has given me hope that there is light at the end of the road tl:dr 3rd person in open relationship, feeling used and hopeless. Broke it off but it’s clear the other person didn’t have my best interest in mind
Nickr3023 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I'm not sure if this will help, but this article helped me a lot while dealing with a woman who seemed to have some of the same issues. I also heard the line "You're the best sex I've ever had, better than my husband, we connect more than anyone I have ever in my life" Read this article and see if it helps to explain things a little more. I hope it does for you as it did for me. AT ANY COST: Saving your Life after Loving a Borderline.
Author PeachFuzzBuzz Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Thank you for your reply Nickr. Reading that article definitely helped explain some of her behavior and BDP. Looking back on it, she had extremely low self esteem and would also say that she feared I would forget about her if I didn't call or didn't see her. In fact, she exhibited almost all of the traits associated with BDP.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 This girl is bad news and you're much better off remaining No Contact. I very highly doubt her boyfriend knew about you. It would not surprise me at all if that relationship isn't "open" whatsoever. She sounds like the type of person who will lie and manipulate to get whatever she wants. Next time, listen to your gut when something doesn't feel right. And if she is also sleeping with users of IV drugs or uses them herself, I sincerely hope you used protection with her. 1
NopeNah Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I'm not sure if this will help, but this article helped me a lot while dealing with a woman who seemed to have some of the same issues. I also heard the line "You're the best sex I've ever had, better than my husband, we connect more than anyone I have ever in my life" Read this article and see if it helps to explain things a little more. I hope it does for you as it did for me. AT ANY COST: Saving your Life after Loving a Borderline. That was a good read. Thanks!
Author PeachFuzzBuzz Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 This girl is bad news and you're much better off remaining No Contact. I very highly doubt her boyfriend knew about you. It would not surprise me at all if that relationship isn't "open" whatsoever. She sounds like the type of person who will lie and manipulate to get whatever she wants. Next time, listen to your gut when something doesn't feel right. And if she is also sleeping with users of IV drugs or uses them herself, I sincerely hope you used protection with her. Thank you Expat. She wasn't using anything while I saw her, and I haven't contracted anything. Unfortunately, I do remember her telling me that she had tried heroin in the past, so for her to start seeing a very recent ex user is IMO very risky for her and extremely reckless. I've come to the realization that she is not the person I thought she was and going NC was definitely the right course of action. Over the last 3 months, it's now pretty obvious to me she didn't care and she never really had my best interest in mind. In the end, I think it's her loss and unfortunately, I don't think she is a very happy person deep down.
Author PeachFuzzBuzz Posted January 8, 2016 Author Posted January 8, 2016 Update** I actually received a message from her through Skype (I honestly forgot to remove her when initially going NC, don't Skype often) about a week ago and have ignored it. She wrote that she assumed she was blocked on Skype too, but wanted to say happy new year, and that although I was sick last new years she was happy to be with me. I'm confused as to why she would reach out after 3 months of NC? Is she experiencing guilt? AND more importantly, should I continue to ignore it? Or delete her off Skype entirely? Wondering if someone could give a little guidance here and maybe explain where she's coming from!
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