nadzz Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Hi everyone, Small situation I'm in. I've been dating someone for a few weeks now and we keep making plans to see each other and we are basically having a great time together and he really seems to like me. My issue is, I'm afraid that if I show him a lot of interest then he'll lose interest in me because there's no challenge. I'm kind of tired of pretending I'm not really into him. What is the appropriate course of action? Continue to pretend that I don't really like him or just be honest and let the chips fall where they may? Or option #3?
Xiomn Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) Hi everyone, Small situation I'm in. I've been dating someone for a few weeks now and we keep making plans to see each other and we are basically having a great time together and he really seems to like me. My issue is, I'm afraid that if I show him a lot of interest then he'll lose interest in me because there's no challenge. I'm kind of tired of pretending I'm not really into him. What is the appropriate course of action? Continue to pretend that I don't really like him or just be honest and let the chips fall where they may? Or option #3? Generic yet accurate answer: Every guy is different. My perspective: I would like to think that I would like clingy women. That said, I have not ACTUALLY experienced being with a clingy woman so I wouldn't know the true answer myself, I could potentially end up hating it. I guess this doesn't help. Edited December 28, 2015 by Xiomn
Anoniem Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Hi everyone, Small situation I'm in. I've been dating someone for a few weeks now and we keep making plans to see each other and we are basically having a great time together and he really seems to like me. My issue is, I'm afraid that if I show him a lot of interest then he'll lose interest in me because there's no challenge. I'm kind of tired of pretending I'm not really into him. What is the appropriate course of action? Continue to pretend that I don't really like him or just be honest and let the chips fall where they may? Or option #3? As stated above, every guy is different. What I can tell you from my perspective is that I don't mind a girl that is clingy if I really like her. To me a girl being clingy shows that she cares. If I would think it too much I would just say so instead of disappearing. From my perpespective, a guy that loses interest in a girl simply because there is no challenge just isn't the right guy for that girl. Ask yourself, if trying to be with someone is a bad thing when dating and your boyfriend doesn't want you because there is no challenge to it, do you really want to waste your time with someone like that?
d0nnivain Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Like with many things, balance is important. If he likes you back too much interest won't be a problem unless he gets the sense that you are making him the center of your world. Letting him know you are interested is fine as long as he's also aware that you still have friends, hobbies & a life outside of him. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Like anything else, the key is balance and moderation. I wouldn't smother a new guy with attention but I also wouldn't pretend I wasn't interested. I would encourage him to get to know me and I would demonstrate that I also wanted to get to know him. The process is rather like peeling an onion, in my mind. Slowly learning more and getting to the next "layer." I think if your life is balanced in general, your relationships often naturally reflect that. You spend time doing your own thing and thus are not always or overly available, but it's not a game. It's you living your life. If you're always ready to jump to action every time he calls, or if you spend all day glued to your phone texting him, that indicates you don't have a heck of a lot else going on. This might be ok in the beginning but poses no real incentive for the guy to continue to explore you, because you already revealed it all. And I think this very much depends on how we express our interest. Can you elaborate how you do so, OP? 4
SwordofFlame Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 It depends on the guy but I prefer women that are a little clingy.
Standard-Fare Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Showing your interest is all well and good, and if he's mature he will be grateful to not play games. But "clingy" behavior is not okay. That can include: always being the one to initiate contact, texting too often, social media stalking (and active signs of it, i.e. "likes" on all pictures), and displaying frustration or sulkiness if you don't feel you're receiving enough attention. Clingy behavior is a tangible representation of feelings that are escalating too quickly, and/or not in synch with the other partner's. It also kills any sparks of intrigue and mystery, and yes a little of that is good when starting a relationship. 1
smackie9 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 There are good ways and bad ways of showing someone you like them. Bad is constantly texting, and talking serious about relationships, pressing hard for answers. Good way is flirting, teasing, friendly/subtle seduction. 2
ZA Dater Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Hi everyone, Small situation I'm in. I've been dating someone for a few weeks now and we keep making plans to see each other and we are basically having a great time together and he really seems to like me. My issue is, I'm afraid that if I show him a lot of interest then he'll lose interest in me because there's no challenge. I'm kind of tired of pretending I'm not really into him. What is the appropriate course of action? Continue to pretend that I don't really like him or just be honest and let the chips fall where they may? Or option #3? Most guys would be really flattered to have a lady show interest in them. 2
11012015 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Hi everyone, Small situation I'm in. I've been dating someone for a few weeks now and we keep making plans to see each other and we are basically having a great time together and he really seems to like me. My issue is, I'm afraid that if I show him a lot of interest then he'll lose interest in me because there's no challenge. I'm kind of tired of pretending I'm not really into him. What is the appropriate course of action? Continue to pretend that I don't really like him or just be honest and let the chips fall where they may? Or option #3? Too much interest will not turn men off. Playing games will. 2
GingerVixen Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Hi everyone, Small situation I'm in. I've been dating someone for a few weeks now and we keep making plans to see each other and we are basically having a great time together and he really seems to like me. My issue is, I'm afraid that if I show him a lot of interest then he'll lose interest in me because there's no challenge. I'm kind of tired of pretending I'm not really into him. What is the appropriate course of action? Continue to pretend that I don't really like him or just be honest and let the chips fall where they may? Or option #3? I have talked to my friend about this today... The thing that turns men off is not showing interest, but being clingy and having high expectations. When he realizes you're expecting way more than he can / is willing to give, he loses interest. Now, it is true that there are men that love the chase and are only interested in a woman while she is still a challenge. When she shows interest, the challenge is not there anymore, and they lose interest and try to find another prey. The thing is... The majority of these men are emotionally unavailable. They run away when the girl shows interest because deep inside they don't think they deserve that affection. They may think "Why is she attracted to a guy like ME? There must be something really wrong with her" , and then you automatically lose your value in their eyes. Now my question is - do you really want to be with a guy like this? Do you really think that it is healthy to be in a relationship in which you have to PRETEND to be uninterested just to keep him interested?? There is no way this would work in the long term. Any healthy relationship requires reciprocity in feelings and emotions... If you have to PRETEND to be something you're not, you're not in the right relationship. 1
brokengirl85 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Hi everyone, Small situation I'm in. I've been dating someone for a few weeks now and we keep making plans to see each other and we are basically having a great time together and he really seems to like me. My issue is, I'm afraid that if I show him a lot of interest then he'll lose interest in me because there's no challenge. I'm kind of tired of pretending I'm not really into him. What is the appropriate course of action? Continue to pretend that I don't really like him or just be honest and let the chips fall where they may? Or option #3? Unfortunately, guys love the chase. So, until you have THE CONVERSATION, you should not let the guy know how much into him you are. I was in a similar situation with someone i really liked and never let my guard down. This actually helped me realize he was not into me, but it was find because i never initiated or told him I was into him or even had sex, so the realization wasn't that painful. Guard your heart from heartache as long as you can. If you don't believe me, Google dating rules for women
SwordofFlame Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 As a guy, I don't really understand why some enjoy the chase. I think the woman needs to choose the man as much as the man chooses the woman. If I need to earn the woman, do I also need to earn sex from her by doing certain things? Like it's some kind of reward? I just don't agree with that mentality. 2
GingerVixen Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 As a guy, I don't really understand why some enjoy the chase. I think the woman needs to choose the man as much as the man chooses the woman. If I need to earn the woman, do I also need to earn sex from her by doing certain things? Like it's some kind of reward? I just don't agree with that mentality. Perhaps because you're an assertive person which is a good thing. But for many guys, the chase and the conquest are major ego boosters. They're not truly interest in the woman, but in the fact that THEY CAN make that woman fall for them. It is silly, I know
Gaeta Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Hi everyone, Small situation I'm in. I've been dating someone for a few weeks now and we keep making plans to see each other and we are basically having a great time together and he really seems to like me. My issue is, I'm afraid that if I show him a lot of interest then he'll lose interest in me because there's no challenge. I'm kind of tired of pretending I'm not really into him. What is the appropriate course of action? Continue to pretend that I don't really like him or just be honest and let the chips fall where they may? Or option #3? I would say the appropriate course of action is to escalate the relationship step by step and to not skip any steps. To advice you the best I can I would need to know where you are at in this relationship. How often do you see each other? Do you speak each day? Are you intimate? Are you exclusive? What is it you're hesitating to do to show your attention?
Buddhist Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Show your feelings openly and honestly and if he runs, he wasn't the man for you. Seriously all these published books on how you need to pretend you don't like someone when you do does my head in. If a guy is that gun shy of a little emotion then he's a train wreck and isn't worth investing in anyway. No person should ever have to play a ridiculous mind game in order to secure a relationship. If you do then, you are getting into a relationship with a neurotic who is only going to cause you all manner of pain. YOU should be running from that, not trying to manipulate it into a relationship with you. 1
dobielover Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 As long as he leads in general and you don't make him out to be the center of your universe or responsible for your happiness, I think you'll be okay.
oregon0011 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Unfortunately, guys love the chase. So, until you have THE CONVERSATION, you should not let the guy know how much into him you are. I was in a similar situation with someone i really liked and never let my guard down. This actually helped me realize he was not into me, but it was find because i never initiated or told him I was into him or even had sex, so the realization wasn't that painful. Guard your heart from heartache as long as you can. If you don't believe me, Google dating rules for women Actually for most men this is the opposite..Guys love those crazy girls that come and strong, until they runaway..But, a guy wishes a woman could stay like she was at the beginning forever.. There is no interest in women that act like they dont like you..
Stephanie91 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Hi everyone, Small situation I'm in. I've been dating someone for a few weeks now and we keep making plans to see each other and we are basically having a great time together and he really seems to like me. My issue is, I'm afraid that if I show him a lot of interest then he'll lose interest in me because there's no challenge. I'm kind of tired of pretending I'm not really into him. What is the appropriate course of action? Continue to pretend that I don't really like him or just be honest and let the chips fall where they may? Or option #3? Do not be clingy and my definition of clingy is calling/texting more than he does, initiating contact most of the time, asking him out most of the time, getting him gifts/pay for your meal all the time, talking about the future or meeting parents prematurely, wanting to spend too much time with him when he's not ready yet....you get the picture. But do not play games like you don't care otherwise he will believe you and lose interest. No one wants hard work, you have to be playful, but not out of reach and untouchable, it's a turnoff. 1
Stephanie91 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Show your feelings openly and honestly and if he runs, he wasn't the man for you. Seriously all these published books on how you need to pretend you don't like someone when you do does my head in. If a guy is that gun shy of a little emotion then he's a train wreck and isn't worth investing in anyway. No person should ever have to play a ridiculous mind game in order to secure a relationship. If you do then, you are getting into a relationship with a neurotic who is only going to cause you all manner of pain. YOU should be running from that, not trying to manipulate it into a relationship with you. Again, the same black and white thinking, I see this everywhere around the message boards. People, you need to understand that not everything is the way you want them to be, and yes, a little bit of mystery won't hurt than being an open book from the get go. And how many heartbreaks are you willing to put yourself through by showing all the emotions and being open and honest to a guy you barely know? Next, next, next, next....it's a pattern 1
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I agree with Stephanie91. Being open & honest does not mean telling a new person every single intimate detail about yourself within the first 48 hours of meeting. People need to slow down the reveal. Try this: yes porn is everywhere, especially on the internet but burlesque . . . where there is mystery & it's a slow reveal, where your mind fills in the blanks as you are teased is so much more satisfying because the anticipation adds to the enjoyment.
smackie9 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Plain and simple, you gotta have game. How you flirt is key.
xcupid Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 If you pretend you're not into him he might just get the (wrong) message you're not interested in him and look elsewhere. Is that what you want to happen?
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) Actually for most men this is the opposite..Guys love those crazy girls that come and strong, until they runaway..But, a guy wishes a woman could stay like she was at the beginning forever.. There is no interest in women that act like they dont like you.. oregon.... with respect...when was the last time a girl was actually into you and liked you? Did you ever experience a girl really liking you but YOU were not into HER? IMO, there should be a balance. Give and take. In my experience NO....men do not like the crazy girls who come on strong.... they may like the sex they have with them.... but not much more than that. Eventually most emotionally healthy guys would feel suffocated by that... and turned off. And if a guy DOES become enthralled with some crazy obsessed chick who won't leave him alone.... then I question the guys' judgment cause that's not healthy. But I do agree that women should express their interest.... just not go overboard and to allow the man to move closer to her at his own pace....and not push it. JMO Edited December 29, 2015 by katiegrl 1
carhill Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Does too much interest turn men off? Of course, especially if they're married. Better to keep him guessing.
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