When a guy says he "has to check his schedule", is basically a blow off?

[Northwestern1011]

Been talking to a guy [insert worthless technological dating platform here] who I would like to at least meet. We've been texting back and forth pretty much daily for a week (which everyone knows is a bad thing to do before actually meeting the person IRL). He suggested a meet up early on, but I had plans (plus, Christmas kinda got in there).

 

Last night he asked when we're going to meet. I told him I'm pretty open this week (this is unusual).

His response? "I'll have to look at my work calendar and see what night works best." After a period of several minutes of radio silence.

 

He works pretty much the same schedule I do (9-5), so I felt like that was weird. So I told him not to worry, I'll make other plans. He responded right away, elaborating that he has meeting a and depending on the meeting that kind of influences if he feels like going out that night. And then that Wednesday and Thursday are usually best.

 

He wrote me this morning telling me he didn't sleep well, so tonight wouldn't have been a good night anyways.

 

I sit back after reading this am trying to figure out if I'm just paranoid, or if all of that sounds like a cop out? Like the long period of silence was due to him trying to stack the deck with other dates, and I'm getting set low in the queue of priority deoendingn on what nights the other chicks are available.

 

Am I being paranoid, or is this a blow off and I should cut this one off?

[bathtub-row]

If your instincts are telling you that something is off, it probably is.

[Shining One]

When I say "let me check my schedule", I always mean "let me go through my calendar in Outlook to determine the best day/time". My official work schedule is 9 to 5 too, but I rarely work that exact schedule.

[Northwestern1011]

When I say "let me check my schedule", I always mean "let me go through my calendar in Outlook to determine the best day/time". My official work schedule is 9 to 5 too, but I rarely work that exact schedule.

 

Which is exactly what I do in outlook when I make a dentist appointment, or determine what day I can take my car for an oil change. I look BEFORE. I don't just go "uh I want to make an appointment. Just kidding. I don't know when I can!"

[d0nnivain]

It doesn't take that long to check a schedule & since what he did get back to you with was at best a last minute excuse, I would conclude this isn't going to move from pen pal to RL any time soon.

[Xiomn]

Could be pretending to be "busy" of sorts to make it look like he has a life outside of you to make him look more desirable.

 

Could genuinely be busy and leads a life which he can't just agree to any time and as such needs to look ahead and plan these things.

 

We can't read minds unfortunately.

[angel.eyes]

Yikes! You're being paranoid. All this second guessing will drive you nuts and sabotage your efforts before anything has a chance to get off the ground.

 

Keep it simple. Arrange a date at a time that's mutually convenient. Show up, have fun, and learn a little about him.

[SwordofFlame]

He responded right away, elaborating that he has meeting a and depending on the meeting that kind of influences if he feels like going out that night.

 

He wrote me this morning telling me he didn't sleep well, so tonight wouldn't have been a good night anyways.

He sounds kind of weird and full of excuses.

[dobielover]

It doesn't take that long to check a schedule & since what he did get back to you with was at best a last minute excuse, I would conclude this isn't going to move from pen pal to RL any time soon.

 

I agree, if said via text. I mean even when a friend asks me when I'm free for HH via text, I pause and switch to my calendar and look for days that work, and then respond with availability.

 

If said in person, and the person doesn't have their calendar with them, I'd take it at face value.

[Gaeta]

If you ask me when I am free this week I will have to put you hold and get back to you. Why? because I have plans that have not been confirmed yet so I need to call Joe & Mary and ask if we still have a bowling night on such a date etc etc.

 

It's between Xmas and NYD it's normal to be booked unless you're a person with no family and acquaintances.

[Northwestern1011]

See that's the other cool thing about outlook though--they have this awesome thing called the web version given my office uses it to schedule every appointment and meeting I have, all day long, I know how easy it is to check one's calendar.

 

He's an engineer. So I would get that he's busy, but it's not like he's THAT busy.

[Gaeta]

He's an engineer.

 

Oh goodness!! I hope you like NEVER being right on anything! lol.

[losangelena]

OP, do you want to meet him or not?

 

A) It's the holidays.

B) From your original message, it seems like he asked you when y'all are going to meet.

C) Ergo, it doesn't make sense for him to have asked with the intent of simply blowing you off. Huh? How does that make sense?

D) I for one don't use Outlook, and I don't have my iCal linked from my laptop to my phone, so I don't always have my schedule available. I usually have a pretty good idea of what's on my schedule but not always.

 

I'd say cool your heels a bit and let him get back to you. Assuming it's brush off is jumping the gun, in my opinion. You don't know him, take him at face value, and don't assume the worst right away.

[Standard-Fare]

OP, you're correct - you're not a top priority for this guy. But guess what? That's completely reasonable! You two haven't even met yet! You're still just some random chick from [worthless technological dating platform].

 

Yes, saying he has to "check his schedule" is a stalling tactic. But allow him that for now. You have no idea what type of obligations he has in the evenings, for work or otherwise. And even if it's social plans that aren't set in stone, are you going to blame the guy for prizing those above a potentially awkward date with a stranger?

 

Of course, if he continues to stall, and fails to commit to an exact time/date, that will prove that you're just wasting your time. At some point both people have to bite the bullet and take the time to meet up.

[smackie9]

When they are setting up dates for in the middle of the week, they are saving Friday and Saturday for better prospects. You are low on his interest list.

[Xiomn]

When they are setting up dates for in the middle of the week, they are saving Friday and Saturday for better prospects. You are low on his interest list.

 

 

That's some assumptious rubbish right there in my opinion.

[angel.eyes]

When they are setting up dates for in the middle of the week, they are saving Friday and Saturday for better prospects. You are low on his interest list.

 

For OLD first dates? The day of the week really doesn't matter. It's two strangers who've never even met trying to find a time that works.

 

Besides, a New Year's Eve or New Year's Day first date? No thanks. Same goes for a Valentine's Day first date. Just no!

[Gaeta]

When they are setting up dates for in the middle of the week, they are saving Friday and Saturday for better prospects. You are low on his interest list.

 

I have never given my Saturday evening to a first meeting and it had nothing to do with other prospects. A first meeting is just that 'a meeting'. You do it on a week night or on the weekend during the day.

[Versacehottie]

I think it might just be a "yellow" flag. Some people, no matter the context (friendship, dating, serious dating) do this. it's an odd social thing regarding scheduling. No matter how open/standard their schedule really is they will say something like this. It can be a power play; it can be a desire to go back and figure out what is best to give you a good date; it can be slight disorganization; it can be an attempt to present himself as a busy guy with a lot of things going on; AND it can be just a habitual way of responding. And yes it can also be non-interest or jerking you around. I'd say you don't know him well enough to know which it is thus the smartest thing is to take him at his word (assuming there have been no other red flags) and go if you want to go when he figures out when that can be. The real problem is beyond this. Let's say he really didn't have any bad intentions with a response like this. But it's for one of those other reasons.

 

Unfortunately, many times if you don't come to some middle ground that you are both comfortable with scheduling differences of opinion will cause problems regardless. Just the assumption that he should have been able to check his outlook right then and there and give you an immediate answer shows how you think vs how he thinks (with his response) so you may be light years apart. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't let that stop me just yet. Go on the date, gather more information about him in total. Try to not think the worst. Ideally people go into dates, job interviews etc all hoping they are going to find a reason to "like" this person. Do that. Try to keep an open mind. People are different and handle their lives differently. But yeah it could be the beginning of a blow off but the rest of what you said didn't seem like it. Compatibility over issues like this may be a problem in long run. TBD.

[Northwestern1011]

Oh goodness!! I hope you like NEVER being right on anything! lol.

 

Hey one of my best friends is an engineer, and he's also the greatest man I know. So I don't agree with this!

 

 

Also, New Year's Eve and day being this week/leading into the weekend, I won't be meeting with him then. I'll be with friends and family. As will I think the rest of the world.

 

I also thought the "I didn't sleep well ergo meeting today wouldn't have been good anyways" thing sounded just..weird? Like lame? I work full time (except this week, where my office is closed and I don't know what to do with myself) and am in grad classes, and I never sleep enough. If I cancelled on people because I was tired or not well rested...nothing would ever get done in my life!

[Shining One]

See that's the other cool thing about outlook though--they have this awesome thing called the web version given my office uses it to schedule every appointment and meeting I have, all day long, I know how easy it is to check one's calendar.

 

He's an engineer. So I would get that he's busy, but it's not like he's THAT busy.

It's more than just checking a calendar. Sometimes you have to rearrange things and that takes time. If I'm the engineer on-call for an evening, I may ask one of my coworkers to take on-call that night so I won't have my evening interrupted. I may also want to reschedule personal items. Dates can run later than expected, so I like to clear up anything I have scheduled after a date is supposed to end.

When they are setting up dates for in the middle of the week, they are saving Friday and Saturday for better prospects. You are low on his interest list.

I don't know about you, but I generally have plans for New Years weekend booked well in advance.

[Buddhist]

I sit back after reading this am trying to figure out if I'm just paranoid, or if all of that sounds like a cop out? Like the long period of silence was due to him trying to stack the deck with other dates, and I'm getting set low in the queue of priority deoendingn on what nights the other chicks are available.

 

Am I being paranoid, or is this a blow off and I should cut this one off?

 

I thats the situation you believe you are in, why are you even bothering? Seriously if you have to compete its just not worth it. Multi daters are a waste of time.

[GingerVixen]

Been talking to a guy [insert worthless technological dating platform here] who I would like to at least meet. We've been texting back and forth pretty much daily for a week (which everyone knows is a bad thing to do before actually meeting the person IRL). He suggested a meet up early on, but I had plans (plus, Christmas kinda got in there).

 

Last night he asked when we're going to meet. I told him I'm pretty open this week (this is unusual).

His response? "I'll have to look at my work calendar and see what night works best." After a period of several minutes of radio silence.

 

He works pretty much the same schedule I do (9-5), so I felt like that was weird. So I told him not to worry, I'll make other plans. He responded right away, elaborating that he has meeting a and depending on the meeting that kind of influences if he feels like going out that night. And then that Wednesday and Thursday are usually best.

 

He wrote me this morning telling me he didn't sleep well, so tonight wouldn't have been a good night anyways.

 

I sit back after reading this am trying to figure out if I'm just paranoid, or if all of that sounds like a cop out? Like the long period of silence was due to him trying to stack the deck with other dates, and I'm getting set low in the queue of priority deoendingn on what nights the other chicks are available.

 

Am I being paranoid, or is this a blow off and I should cut this one off?

 

Sounds like he wants to seem unavailable and "hard to get" because you said you were busy when he first asked you out and know he wants you taste your own medicine.

 

Pathetic, silly, predictable. Have seen many guys act this way. Forget him and move on.

[Wewon]

 

Last night he asked when we're going to meet. I told him I'm pretty open this week (this is unusual).

His response? "I'll have to look at my work calendar and see what night works best." After a period of several minutes of radio silence.

 

He works pretty much the same schedule I do (9-5), so I felt like that was weird. So I told him not to worry, I'll make other plans. He responded right away, elaborating that he has meeting a and depending on the meeting that kind of influences if he feels like going out that night. And then that Wednesday and Thursday are usually best.

 

He wrote me this morning telling me he didn't sleep well, so tonight wouldn't have been a good night anyways.

 

 

I'm an engineer and when I worked in industry, depending on the company, I could have different things going on.

 

This doesn't sound like a blow-off to me, it sounds like project work and a schedule that may be changing depending on the projects development/progression.

 

A true blow off is usually left open ended so that he can squirm out of it at any time. It sounds like he's trying not to burn any bridges with you.

[Northwestern1011]

He texted me before he even left work yesterday and set a place/time.

 

We're meeting at some wine bar (much too sophisticated for a bumpkin like myself). We'll see how this goes.

 

I'm a little perplexed because over the last week (including Christmas) he was texting me countless times a day back and forth. something that strikes me as odd...every other guy from OLD wants to ask me what my degree is in, etc etc etc. like I'm in a job interview. he's never asked me questions like that. He knows I have a couple degrees, he's never asked what in. Just strikes me as odd. He knows I'm doing homework. He's never asked what class in taking. He knows I have a dog, but he's never asked what kind.

Yet he's also never written me anything explicit/sexual...which is what j would expect out of a guy who's just trying to get laid.