Wakingup85 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Hi all, Just curious as to what people make of this... I recently met someone...and we have since been on 2 dates. ..both very nice, a nice kiss on the second. We had about a 2 week gap between both dates, and she says she likes me but just isn't ready yet as she's not long got out of a long relationship - which is fine, I said that I'm happy to just take things slow and see how they go. I'm confused though as she said she has organised something for us to go away and do in the new year....which seems to go against what she said about not being ready. Also, and it's probably what I'm struggling with the most...she rarely messages, she insists that she's like that with everyone, but I can go a long time before I get replies. I know she's read them, but she says she needs time to sit and reply properly which is sometimes the next day. it just seems like she isn't sure what she wants...and im a message fan, always have been- I'll reply to messages quickly from anyone. I suppose I just don't know how to play it, I want to show I'm still there, but then I don't want to bombard her with 4-5 messages when she's not even replied to first one. Then to hear she's not ready, but we kissed and she's planning something. ...it's just all confusing. .. I've even laid out where 'i am' in a message and said that if that's not going to be ok then I'd prefer her to be honest...but she just ignores that message and says something else...so does that mean she's ok with how things are...or is she bring too nice to tell me to back off...... Any opinions on where she is at?
lilmissjava Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Some people just aren't big on text messaging. I would overlook that, especially this time of year. She has a life outside dating, as you should too. Having something to look forward to in the new year looks promising, I think she wouldn't have mentioned that if she wasn't interested. Where "you are" in a message isn't exactly appealing to have that conversation through text. After two dates? Things should just be casual and light right now. Be cool. Give her the time she needs.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 How long ago did she break up with her ex? I would concerned about that. She told you she's not ready. I would be careful moving forward, as this could potentially be a rebound situation. Her not replying to your message about you are probably indicates she's not comfortable discussing it at this point. It's only been two dates and that sort of conversation isn't really appropriate for a text message. It's better saved for a face-to-face talk. What did you say to her in that specific message?
d0nnivain Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 She wants this on her terms, sporadically. She gets back to you when she feels like it. She has no meaningful connection to you. She wants a convenient traveling companion. If you are happy to do that but nothing more, great. If you want more & it sounds like you feel unfulfilled (although in fairness it has only been 2 dates) you two may be incompatible because you want different things.
Author Wakingup85 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 The where I am message actually came off of the back of a conversation we had during second date -she said she wasn't ready but got confused when I came along as it threw something else into the mix. My message basically said that I was sorry if I made things harder for her and that I was happy just to see where things went over time, and that all I asked from her was honesty in that if she decides she doesn't want it to go anywhere then please tell me
brokengirl85 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Hi all, Just curious as to what people make of this... I recently met someone...and we have since been on 2 dates. ..both very nice, a nice kiss on the second. We had about a 2 week gap between both dates, and she says she likes me but just isn't ready yet as she's not long got out of a long relationship - which is fine, I said that I'm happy to just take things slow and see how they go. I'm confused though as she said she has organised something for us to go away and do in the new year....which seems to go against what she said about not being ready. Also, and it's probably what I'm struggling with the most...she rarely messages, she insists that she's like that with everyone, but I can go a long time before I get replies. I know she's read them, but she says she needs time to sit and reply properly which is sometimes the next day. it just seems like she isn't sure what she wants...and im a message fan, always have been- I'll reply to messages quickly from anyone. I suppose I just don't know how to play it, I want to show I'm still there, but then I don't want to bombard her with 4-5 messages when she's not even replied to first one. Then to hear she's not ready, but we kissed and she's planning something. ...it's just all confusing. .. I've even laid out where 'i am' in a message and said that if that's not going to be ok then I'd prefer her to be honest...but she just ignores that message and says something else...so does that mean she's ok with how things are...or is she bring too nice to tell me to back off...... Any opinions on where she is at? Some people just don't like to text. You might want to find someone else who is more tuned with what you want. you just pay attention at how she acts when she's on a date with you. Texting is not index of anything.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 The where I am message actually came off of the back of a conversation we had during second date -she said she wasn't ready but got confused when I came along as it threw something else into the mix. My message basically said that I was sorry if I made things harder for her and that I was happy just to see where things went over time, and that all I asked from her was honesty in that if she decides she doesn't want it to go anywhere then please tell me I think that message was fine, actually. You didn't ask her a question so she may not have felt a response was needed. Again, I would still be more concerned about her coming out of a long relationship recently. When did they break up?
Author Wakingup85 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 About 2 1/2 months ago...they were together for a number of years that I know of
Gaeta Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 and she says she likes me but just isn't ready yet as she's not long got out of a long relationship - which is fine, I said that I'm happy to just take things slow and see how they go. Red Flag number 1 The people that 'aren't ready' eventually do get ready but rarely with you. You are the band-aid on the wound, the rebound, the consolation price. I'm confused though as she said she has organised something for us to go away and do in the new year....which seems to go against what she said about not being ready. No, it does not go against not being ready. She is filling her time with you because remember you're the band-aid, the rebound, the consolation price, right? What do people do with their rebound? They keep busy with them, they travel, go out, sleep together and all this without the emotional connection. It's meant to fill up time while the heart is heeling. Also, and it's probably what I'm struggling with the most...she rarely messages, she insists that she's like that with everyone When you're together have you ever seen her look at her phone? have you seen her reply to text? If yes then you have your answer. I suppose I just don't know how to play it, I want to show I'm still there, but then I don't want to bombard her with 4-5 messages when she's not even replied to first one. Then to hear she's not ready, but we kissed and she's planning something. ...it's just all confusing. Not confusing for an outsider. It's confusing to you. She does relationship stuff therefore she must want a relationship right? No, what she's doing is she's playing house with you. When she feels better about herself she'll move on to someone else. I've even laid out where 'i am' in a message and said that if that's not going to be ok then I'd prefer her to be honest...but she just ignores that message and says something else...so does that mean she's ok with how things are...or is she bring too nice to tell me to back off...... Geezzz!! Really you need us to interpret this for you?? She already told you where she's at. She is NOT READY. Which is classic for I am not wanting a relationship with YOU.
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