Anoniem Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Hello you all, I am in this strange position at the moment where I'm not sure what to do. I've been seeing this girl for a couple of weeks now and we've known eachother for a couple of months. Ever since we met there's a connection between the two of us that we (and everyone else around us) can't really deny. We started seeing eachother a few weeks ago in the sense that we first started going out for drinks or a movie together and we started kissing aswell. Just two weeks ago we had sex for the first time and she told me that was something she normally has a hard time doing when she really likes someone. Now, we've not been able to see eachother since we had sex, but we've been texting eachother daily and have called a few times aswell. She often tells me she misses me and really likes me (and she told me that she doesn't say that often and that it's really special when she does) and wishes she could be with me. However, sometimes all of a sudden she can turn around 180° and tells stuff like: "you shouldn't feel obligated to like me for things other than sex, we don't have a relationship", which really confuses me. I'd think I'm nothing more than a ****buddy for her, were it not that when asked if I was disturbing her once, she told me, "don't talk as if you're just my ****buddy, you can never disturb me". I'm really confused by all of this, am I merely her ****buddy (because there is no way in hell that I'd want this to continue than) or is she just afraid of getting too close which is why she pushes me away? Maybe she's just playing with me or expects me to tell her that I want a relationship? I just don't want to tell her that yet because I'd feel like rushing it and pushing her into stuff she doesn't want... Anyone who might be able to give me some insight? Thanks for listening (reading)!
Buddhist Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Here's the insight, she's an emotional mess. She's starting up with the 'you don't have to like me' crap because she's insecure and is wanting you to rush in and say 'of course I like you and want you to be my girlfriend etc'. She's not brave enough to actually have a proper conversation about it and is fishing for you to do it for her. Passive aggressive is her middle name. 1
Author Anoniem Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 Here's the insight, she's an emotional mess. She's starting up with the 'you don't have to like me' crap because she's insecure and is wanting you to rush in and say 'of course I like you and want you to be my girlfriend etc'. She's not brave enough to actually have a proper conversation about it and is fishing for you to do it for her. Passive aggressive is her middle name. I've been thinking that aswell. The thing that makes me doubt it though is that she told me her friend once asked her wether we were in a relationship or not and she told me she didn't want to label it as one thing or the other. Perhaps foolishly of me though I agreed with her then...
Buddhist Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I've been thinking that aswell. The thing that makes me doubt it though is that she told me her friend once asked her wether we were in a relationship or not and she told me she didn't want to label it as one thing or the other. Perhaps foolishly of me though I agreed with her then... A Why are you even bothering? Seriously. This girl has self-sabotage on high, she's saying that because she doesn't want to be the one to admit to feelings first. She's stupidly trying to play it cool with you but at the same time shooting herself in the foot. Basically she's going to deny, deny, deny the whole way all the while wanting you to drag her into a relationship. Like many people who post on LS, she's trying to play the 'game' of I don't care. A stupid game that usually ends up doing what she's doing, sending the wrong message. I can guarantee that if you take her at her word here and move on we'll see a post from her on here titled......Guy said he was really into me then suddenly disappeared, why?
d0nnivain Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 My 1st thought was that she was insecure as well. By saying these things, she may be trying to guard herself from being hurt. If she professes not to like you & not to want the labels then if you leave her she can claim it doesn't matter. You can try to turn it around on her & ask what if you want the labels? However, if you do this & her passive aggressive behavior doesn't stop & she continues to demand constant reassurance, then her insecurity may be beyond your ability to help. If she doesn't love herself no matter what you do, it won't be enough. She may also believe what she is saying & that she doesn't want a relationship. You will need to talk to her about this.
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