Cheated on, dumped, now they're together, and I'm miserable.

[RowanNightingale]

Hi Everyone,

 

In early October, my boyfriend (we're gay) of 1 1/2 years told me that he had cheated on me with his best friend. I told him that I was hurt, but I wanted to work through this; my only request was that he no longer spend time with his friend. He refused, and said that he "couldn't just send someone away like that." So, I coped, and just sucked it up.

 

Over the next few weeks, I saw him less and less and, when we DID see each other, all he spoke about was how much fun he was having with his best friend. Finally, he stood me up on a movie night with my parents, saying he was too sick to go; the next day, he slipped and told me that he had stood my parents and I up so he could be with his best friend. When I called him out on it, he dumped me.

 

It's been six weeks since we broke up, he and his best friend are officially a couple, and all of our mutual friends are SO happy for them! Meanwhile, I'm alone and miserable.

 

I feel like he just used me up and tossed me away when he got bored. I feel like trash. I feel like I can never love or trust anyone ever again. I don't know how to make the depression (suicidal) and nausea stop. I guess, I just need to hear neutral parties take on this, and advice of what to do now.

[casey.lives]

it's a blessing when a person walks out on your life. sometimes that person is the one who would do most harm, had they stayed. It's a great thing too, that it is over over. cut yourself out of this circle, it will only serve to remind. peace of mind is the root to survival.

[Sar112]

I've been in a similar situation a few years back and it's horrible - granted My thoughts go out to you.

 

First off, you won't realise it now, but knowing this now will eventually make it easier for you to move on. He would have had to meet someone new at some stage and in a way this has saved you holding onto hope until that time arrived (what I'm doing with my recent ex unfortunately).

 

Also, try to bear in mind that if this has happened so soon after you two broke up, it's highly likely that this is some sort of rebound situation. I know when my long term relationship ended I had a few brief 'encounters' with one of my best friends. There was never any real physical connection there but often people feel like they want to fill a void when they lose a partner and so who better than a friend to do this? Someone they are familiar with. It rarely works out in the long term.

 

Try to go NC if you can, work on yourself and realise that you are so much better than him. You deserve someone who shows you more respect and who truly loves you. That said, he will more than likely realise what he had if you manage to do this and as many ex's eventually do - will come crawling back. It will be up to you what you do at this stage and bear in my it could take months if not years to get there.

 

The feelings of depression, nausea, panic etc will take a long time to go away but they will slowly fade each day that you manage to have without speaking to him. If you do feel like you are likely to harm yourself, please go and seek help from your doctor/get some therapy. Counselling is something I am thinking about doing at the moment as I am hoping it will help me move on quicker and let go of the hope I am currently holding onto.

[Miss Clavel]

there is a saying "you are judged by the company you keep".

 

he's a pig and so are his **coughcoughpuke* "friends".

 

it's a pity that society no longer feels the need to censor each other on their atrocious behavior, so you will have do it, alone, it seems.

 

this involves not talking to ANY of them every again, and closing ranks with whomever you have left, including your parents and family.

 

you do not talk to any of them, you pretend you are deaf and blind if you have the misfortune to run into them.

 

the best revenge is living well.

 

i promise you will meet someone else and you will be so glad that you did NOT lower your standards.

 

now, promise me that when your ex comes slinking back to you, because the thrill is gone with his new bang buddy, you won't give him the time of day.

 

good luck.

[Stressed_26]

The worse are these mutual friends. They should not even be called friends. I have had the same experience with mutual friends and now I have cut them off. People are very opportunistic.

 

I hope you can try deflecting your thought and spend time with your family. It is going to be tough but not impossible.

 

Keep up your pride, dignity and don't contact that guy again.

[cupcakebunny]

For the best. I know it hurts. But he made the best choice for you. You made a good and clear boundary(and reasonable one) and he violated that.

 

 

Even if he had stopped seeing that "friend" it would have been someone else later down the line. Working through cheating...is a crapshoot. I really only see it successfully done in long LONG term relationships or marriages and even then...rarely and even then only after counseling. This guy was bad news bears.

 

 

The depression is normal but to that severity I do recommend getting external help quickly. For the suicidal thoughts - please call - 1 (800) 273-8255 - the US national prevention hotline and seek counseling ASAP.