GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Geez. What a romantic story to tell the kids: "Well, he wasn't that into me initially and it took him about 7 months to suddenly realize that he liked me enough to date me" And he only reached out because he bumped into you at that public gathering. I dunno. Personally, I know I am better than settling for a guy who didn't like me enough to date at first and needed 7 months to figure out that he liked me enough to date me. I feel sorry for women who accept guys back into their lives after they didn't exactly fall for them the first time around. Exactly. A woman should never agree to be a backup plan. 2
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 GV... I actually agree with you about that. It IS often difficult to change a man's perception of you (or anyone's perception of you) once it's formed....but it can be done....but again a huge risk. I guess for me... I am a bit of a risk taker - I've been hurt a lot but have always been able to bounce back quickly, I am super resilient in that sense....and for this reason, I am able to give second chances (not more than two), and if I get hurt again.... I KNOW I will be okay. But I realize not everyone is like me....so as I always say, we should all do what is right for us....cause we are not all the same. Ciao and happy holidays! And again, apologies if I offended your earlier. I admit I can be a bit brash sometimes.... but it's never my intention to offend. It is okay. Apologies accepted!!!
Leigh 87 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I can think of ONCE in my life. .wait.. TWICE in my life when a guy has changed his mind about me. One of them changed his mind. We tried to make it work and realized we just didn't click the way we thought initially. The other guy has a chemical imbalance and just isn't able to fall for women. He is literally numb to the world. He wanted me again after a year or so because I am the only girl he had a spark with and it was the best he could get. MOST men that come back simply wanted to find someone better, failed, and come running back to the women they rejected............ It is RARE that a guy has a sudden epiphany that he us actually really into someone and that it was his own personal issues that kept him from committing to a woman he was actually into. More than likely he simply realises that he couldn't find someone better than the op. If he didn'tfall hard for her the first time it is unlikely he ever will. Men fall in love differently to women. If a man isn't totally smitten right off the bat, he never usually falls very hard for a woman later down the track. Women are different; they can frow to love a man slowly even if they originally rejected him due to lack of spark. 1
Leigh 87 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 If he asks to see you again...why not just go out with him...but don't have sex with him! Start over....from the beginning. No sex for awhile. You will see his true colors if he sticks around. Maybe I am just a romantic, but I DO believe people change and realize things (feelings) after the fact. Yes even months later. It has been known to happen! I also believe in second chances....BUT you need to protect yourself, protect your heart. So why not take a chance? As long as you realize that it IS a risk and he may only want another booty call -- and if that's the case, you walk away. But then again, perhaps if YOU change the script and behave differently, like a girl who is looking for something meaningful and lasting, as opposed to a quick roll in the hay -- HE may "see" you differently, and want to pursue something meaningful to him too -- and NOT just a booty call. That is what I would do -- but again be sure you go into this with your EYES WIDE OPEN -- and see what's in front of you -- and not just want you want to see. Yes feelings do change but not for men. Women often aren't that into a guy initially and end up falling hard for them later on. Where as men really don't work that way. If he was not SMITTEN the first time, I doubt he will feel earth shattering chemistry and emotions later on. At best, he has simply seen that he couldn't do any better than OP and bumping into her made him realize that he needed to give pretty, kind seeming girls moreor a shot. Her cute smile for instance could have triggered a " well she's actually smoking hot....I should give her a chance" But make no mistake Katie. ... men who are smitten and enamoured and feel sizzling chemistry to begin with never take months to realzie that they in fact, do. However, lukewarm feelings do often arise with time and perspective.
frus69 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 come on guys, it's pretty clear OP thinks he likes her and she is totally going to go out/have sex with him again Let's save our time and energy now shall we 2
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) Geez. What a romantic story to tell the kids: "Well, he wasn't that into me initially and it took him about 7 months to suddenly realize that he liked me enough to date me" And he only reached out because he bumped into you at that public gathering. I dunno. Personally, I know I am better than settling for a guy who didn't like me enough to date at first and needed 7 months to figure out that he liked me enough to date me. I feel sorry for women who accept guys back into their lives after they didn't exactly fall for them the first time around. I know couples who started out this way: "Oh gawd when we met we couldn't stand each other....so after that first date, it was over....but then we spontaneously ran into each other about a year later...and WOWZA, something just clicked, so we agreed to give it another shot.... fell head over heals in love and here we are ten years later, STILL madly in love with two kids, a huge house and money in the bank." OR "When we met, the chemistry was off the charts, had sex that same night... but we were young, didn't know what we wanted, dated for awhile until he (or she) disappeared....but THEN about a year later, we spontaneously ran into each other, the chemistry was still there.... we were both in a better place emotionally, so agreed to date again.... held off on the sex this time until we established a foundation, fell madly love.... and here we are ten years later, still madly in love, with huge house, two kids and money in the bank." Things are never as black and white as you present them to be. Relationships can take many twists and turns and ups and down before reaching that happy place...where both people realize they want the same things and have the maturity and fortitude to explore and develop the RL to its fullest potential. Edited December 29, 2015 by katiegrl 2
Leigh 87 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I know couples who started out this way: "Oh gawd when we met we couldn't stand each other....so after that first date, it was over....but then we spontaneously ran into each other about a year later...and WOWZA, something just clicked, so we agreed to give it another shot.... fell head over heals in love and here we are ten years later, STILL madly in love with two kids, a huge house and money in the bank." OR "When we met, the chemistry was off the charts, had sex that same night... but we were young, didn't know what we wanted, dated for awhile until he (or she) disappeared....but THEN about a year later, we spontaneously ran into each other, the chemistry was still there.... we were both in a better place emotionally, so agreed to date again.... held off on the sex this time until we established a foundation, fell madly love.... and here we are ten years later, still madly in love, with huge house, two kids and money in the bank." Things are never as black and white as you present them to be. Relationships can take many twists and turns and ups and down before reaching that happy place...where both people realize they want the same things and have the maturity and fortitude to explore and develop the RL to its fullest potential. Yes. But men either feel amazing chemistry instantly or they never do later on. Of course relationships don't always start out perfect. But in general, men who aren't feeling SOME kind of reaction to a girl initially, seldom ever do suddenly feel anything super intense romantically speaking. ........ The relationship stories that are similar to the ones you posted about always have some kind of initial reaction from the man..... you do realizethat notbeing able to stand each other is still a strong reaction? I have heard of chemistry manifesting through. ..well a negative encounter the first time around for a few long term couples. The Chemistry was intense which lead to a volatile reaction due to their personalities clashing and the Chemistry causing a debate like, "I can't stand each other" type of reaction. I have never ever head of a man who simply didn't feel enough for a woman initially, to suddenly become enamored with her later on. What I have head is stories about couples who couldn't stand each other or who had amazing chemistry but were in the wrong place emotionally to date..... and these couples later got together. Maybe the Op was one of those examples? He was super into her but had emotional barriers? But there is next to no chance that he just wasn't into her enough and is now suddenly into her. So yes it is possible that the OPs guy could have been nuts about her and was simply emotionally unavailable the first time. Yes it's possible that he was going through something that hampered his ability to feel things for the OP the first time.........But it is not likely. It is common for couples to not stand each other and then fall hard later on. The strong reaction is indicative of underlying sizzling chemistry and emotions brewing. It isn't common for a man to simply not feel enough for a girl the first time around, to suddenly feel smitten the second time. It is as common as grass to have a guy be not that into a girl, date around and then realize he can't do better than her.
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I have never ever head of a man who simply didn't feel enough for a woman initially, to suddenly become enamored with her later on. . Oh I have....plenty of times. Leigh you gotta get away from this notion of "if you don't feel immediate chemistry, your relationship is doomed." Please. Again NOT everything is always so black and white, including people, feelings and and relationships. Feelings are fluid and can change. YES I have absolutely heard stories of couples who felt ZERO chemistry when they first met....but then met up later and felt intense chemistry! It happens... accept it. Accept that people change, people grow, people evolve....and two people who felt nothing upon first meet.... can and do often meet again at later date, a different time....when both have changed and evolved... and experience new and different feelings from when they met the first time. It happens! I have seen it happen!
AndOrchid Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 come on guys, it's pretty clear OP thinks he likes her and she is totally going to go out/have sex with him again Let's save our time and energy now shall we Brief and to the point. OP, you clearly are still very into this guy (both your threads here are about him) but I think you are starting to get ahead of yourself already, like the first time around. Just because you think you're prettier than girls in his past or because you think that he was showing you off to his friends does not mean that he's truly interested in you or that you have the upper hand. More likely, he's going through a dry spell and he happened to run into you. If you want to give this a chance, let him put some effort into taking you out and getting to know you outside the bedroom. Proceed with caution.
Leigh 87 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Oh I have....plenty of times. Leigh you gotta get away from this notion of "if you don't feel immediate chemistry, your relationship is doomed." Please. Again NOT everything is always so black and white, including people, feelings and and relationships. Feelings are fluid and can change. YES I have absolutely heard stories of couples who felt ZERO chemistry when they first met....but then met up later and felt intense chemistry! It happens... accept it. Accept that people change, people grow, people evolve....and two people who felt nothing upon first meet.... can and do often meet again at later date, a different time....when both have changed and evolved... and experience new and different feelings from when they met the first time. It happens! I have seen it I guess I haven't seen it. The couples who have the best chemistry always fell hard for each other. I personally am not an advocate of dating someone that was lukewarm about you to begin with. Maybe it's because at my age, 29, I don't have to resort to dating men who weren't smitten enough to want to date me properly from the outset. I still think it's a little indignant. .. "oh he just wasn't that into me and didn't find me very attractive at first but hey, I sure grew on him and it took him 7 months just to start to feel into me enough to pick me to date" No thanks! I am curious to hear more about the stories similar the OPs that you have heard about? Do you really have many examples of men who weren't that into their girlfriends initiallyand who sighted them later on and decided to give it a try? ? Very curious to hear your stories that are similar to the OPs
Redhead14 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 A guy with whom you've had an ONS doesn't come back 7 months later unless all his other options have dried up . . . Period. Unless he actually asks you on a proper date and fairly soon, keeps it public and starts communicating with and seeing you on a regular basis -- once a week for a bit at least, he's just sniffing around . . .
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 A guy with whom you've had an ONS doesn't come back 7 months later unless all his other options have dried up . . . Period. Unless he actually asks you on a proper date and fairly soon, keeps it public and starts communicating with and seeing you on a regular basis -- once a week for a bit at least, he's just sniffing around . . . He didn't *come back* seven months later, they spontaneously ran into each other, which prompted him to text her ...... But yeah I agree he needs to ask her on a proper date ...in public, be consistent and show her via his actions, he is looking for a relationship, and not just another quick roll in the hay... 1
Author LustStruck Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Onward to the damage control... There is always so much more than meets the eye in stories like mine and everyone else's... I posted it knowing full well that I have no idea what's going to happen or even what I want. I love meetings of the minds, because I'm anything but an expert... and meetings of minds are great. I never said he wasn't into me in the beginning: into me enough to get together and I made the verbal move... after the fact we just sat there because there were sparks and somewhere, a unicorn cried or something. Being adults is great. We got together 3 times but we communicated and joked around daily for about 5 months before, during and after. Did he really go completely cold? Not completely. Looking back, he didn't respond if the message didn't ask for it. He did spark up small talk at a few points. He travels for work (regional rep) and for fun, so I can cut him some slack there, if he played that card. He was in Germany for like a month too and we started small talk then. He's not a bad looking guy, if he had a dry spell, in think it would be his choice. Am I saying in all of this I've found my prince? Oh hell no. Am I saying all indecisive men are dirt bags? No. What I am saying, is I believe everything happens for a reason and in its own perfect timing. Would I have spoken to him at the bar as strangers? No. I go with friends and leave with whom I came. I also never said my mind was made up either with a definite course of bullet proof action to claim my dbag. What I'm using this data for (so much science) is more or less aid for what I'm going to do as I roll my dice. Game plan A) I'm letting him continue to come to me: that does take balls, but me going to him would prove nothing. I'm going to feel him out more while pretending to barely care. I'm gong to maintain composure. I think I should be able to use that to my advantage be it I choose to burn him or name his kids. I can't help it if I make him laugh: I Crack me up all day. Game plan B) I adopt kids in our likeness and call Maury... If plan A works out prosperous, I'll probably tell the kids the whole story when they are adults wondering why life never goes the way you pictured, but you always end up where you're meant to be. 1
road Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Oh I have....plenty of times. Leigh you gotta get away from this notion of "if you don't feel immediate chemistry, your relationship is doomed." Please. Again NOT everything is always so black and white, including people, feelings and and relationships. Feelings are fluid and can change. YES I have absolutely heard stories of couples who felt ZERO chemistry when they first met....but then met up later and felt intense chemistry! It happens... accept it. Accept that people change, people grow, people evolve....and two people who felt nothing upon first meet.... can and do often meet again at later date, a different time....when both have changed and evolved... and experience new and different feelings from when they met the first time. It happens! I have seen it I guess I haven't seen it. The couples who have the best chemistry always fell hard for each other. I personally am not an advocate of dating someone that was lukewarm about you to begin with. Maybe it's because at my age, 29, I don't have to resort to dating men who weren't smitten enough to want to date me properly from the outset. I still think it's a little indignant. .. "oh he just wasn't that into me and didn't find me very attractive at first but hey, I sure grew on him and it took him 7 months just to start to feel into me enough to pick me to date" No thanks! I am curious to hear more about the stories similar the OPs that you have heard about? Do you really have many examples of men who weren't that into their girlfriends initiallyand who sighted them later on and decided to give it a try? ? Very curious to hear your stories that are similar to the OPs My observation why so many people on here and OLD are not married. Rigid Rules on dating. No flexibility. Not saying it is wrong to have deal breakers. Though when Mr/Mrs Right has not entered their lives. So she is an inch taller than me/he is an inch shorter than me. Their job does not match the status of mine. They do not make the amount of money I want instead of seeing that he can keep a job, etc. They maintain all of their deal breakers. Then complain they can't get a good man/bee-itch. 1
RedRobin Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) A man is a "player" until he meets a woman he does not want to "play" with anymore....but wants to pursue something meaningful with.... Unless she likes drama. That part I will never get. So many fish in the sea. Maybe the OP is the playa trying to even the score. *shrug* Healthy people don't tend to indulge in this kind of junk, is my observation. I tend to avoid both the players and their 'victims', truth be told. This effed up dance they do. Like watching an episode of Jerry Springer. if the poster wants to make a pitch for some kind of 12 step program to redeem them, I guess that is her perogative. Edited December 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
katiegrl Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) Oh I have....plenty of times. Leigh you gotta get away from this notion of "if you don't feel immediate chemistry, your relationship is doomed." Please. Again NOT everything is always so black and white, including people, feelings and and relationships. Feelings are fluid and can change. YES I have absolutely heard stories of couples who felt ZERO chemistry when they first met....but then met up later and felt intense chemistry! It happens... accept it. Accept that people change, people grow, people evolve....and two people who felt nothing upon first meet.... can and do often meet again at later date, a different time....when both have changed and evolved... and experience new and different feelings from when they met the first time. It happens! I have seen it ------ LEIGH responded: I guess I haven't seen it. The couples who have the best chemistry always fell hard for each other. I personally am not an advocate of dating someone that was lukewarm about you to begin with. Maybe it's because at my age, 29, I don't have to resort to dating men who weren't smitten enough to want to date me properly from the outset. I still think it's a little indignant. .. "oh he just wasn't that into me and didn't find me very attractive at first but hey, I sure grew on him and it took him 7 months just to start to feel into me enough to pick me to date" No thanks! I am curious to hear more about the stories similar the OPs that you have heard about? Do you really have many examples of men who weren't that into their girlfriends initiallyand who sighted them later on and decided to give it a try? ? Very curious to hear your stories that are similar to the OPs Yes and they DID for hard for each other ....just not when they first met! The *energy* was not there for ***either of them** when they first met ......but when they ran into each other, say a year later, who knows, perhaps the sun and stars were aligned correctly this time lol .....and the energy/chemistry *was* there this time --- and they clicked!!! Edited December 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Leigh 87 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Yes and they DID for hard for each other ....just not when they first met! The *energy* was not there for ***either of them** when they first met ......but when they ran into each other, say a year later, who knows, perhaps the sun and stars were aligned correctly this time lol .....and the energy/chemistry *was* there this time --- and they clicked!!! Right. So the OP has previously slept with the guy. Surely if there was a compelling enough connection, it wouldn't suddenly just crop up? They have hooked up. I've literally never heard of a couple hooking up the first time, with the guy just not feeling it and then all of a sudden feeling it at a later date when he runs into her. I'm not buying it.
Leigh 87 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 A very wise poster on here once said: " a man just *knows* what a woman is to him from the first time they have sex. If he sees her as a hoom up the first time, that's all she'll ever be" Compelling and "head over heels " feelings rarely come after the first intimate encounter.....they are usually set in stone from that first intimate encounter. I have just never personally met any guy who has gone from sleeping with a girl and feeling lukewarm, to suddenly sighting her in public and all of a sudden being really into her.
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I read once that something like 35% of hook ups turn into relationships. There is more than one way to start a relationship. 7 months is a long time. Reasons and circumstances that existed 7 months ago may be long gone. They're probably both in different places in their life. If he had come back after 3 weeks than I'd say he's just booty calling you but this was months later, an unexpected encounter, nothing planned. If he only wanted sex I don't think he would have approached you with other people present. 1
road Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 A very wise poster on here once said: " a man just *knows* what a woman is to him from the first time they have sex. If he sees her as a hoom up the first time, that's all she'll ever be" Compelling and "head over heels " feelings rarely come after the first intimate encounter.....they are usually set in stone from that first intimate encounter. I have just never personally met any guy who has gone from sleeping with a girl and feeling lukewarm, to suddenly sighting her in public and all of a sudden being really into her. I would never have sex with a woman that I was lukewarm about. If you saw the movie Harry Met Sally. All those old couples telling stories how they met and reconnected 20, 30 years later. They were actors. Actors hired to tell real life stories. Yes true stories that actually happened. OP is a game player. So many people here hating on her "ex" for being a player. She would of keep the relationship going the first time. She enjoyed the second "date". She is letting her ego get in the way, how do I test him, this is playing games. OP it is you like him or you do not. You do not, then stop playing games and do not respond to his calls/texts. You do like him, tell him you do not do FWB's anymore, if he wants a relationship fine, otherwise do not call me.
Author LustStruck Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 OP is a game player. So many people here hating on her "ex" for being a player. She would of keep the relationship going the first time. She enjoyed the second "date". She is letting her ego get in the way, how do I test him, this is playing games. OP it is you like him or you do not. You do not, then stop playing games and do not respond to his calls/texts. You do like him, tell him you do not do FWB's anymore, if he wants a relationship fine, otherwise do not call me. The OP has been the victim of the game before and runs her own in a way to perhaps suffer less. The OP has considerably low numbers (<10, 30 yrs old) compared to mainstream because I can tell just by talking to someone for 5 minutes if I care to know them better, none the less, get in my pants. "Testing" itself is a game of you're setting the other person up. I'm not setting him up: I'm looking for hints between the lines, just incase he really is just as jaded as I am... he's divorced with kids, she was physically abusive to him... he's not a softy, he just took it until he'd had enough. We get along and smile and laugh a lot... it's breaking through his shell while keeping my guard up that's my next mission. He trusts me enough to tell me where he lives twice (just moved) and he does seem to be a pretty private guy. He has hints of a depth to him, I guess I just need to earn more trust to keep his attention.
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