He came back 7 months later

[GingerVixen]

Okay, what's a womanizer?

 

I think everybody knows what a womanizer is... But basically a man who is only looking for sex with women but manipulates them into thinking he is NOT solely interested in sex.

 

Sometimes a womanizer will be honest and say he is only looking for sex but even so there are women who like to fool themselves and think they will be able to change the womanizer. No woman can ever change a womanizer.

[katiegrl]

I don't think he deserves a second chance. He doesn't even deserve a date. He had sex with her then he ghosted. Typical player move. You don't need to test the waters with this guy - you know you'll get hurt again and again and again. Accepting to go on a date with a jerk like him will only give him the permission to tell his friends - "Hey look, I dumped her ass and she wants to go on a date again :D"

And if she is going out with him but is not planning to have sex with him, she only wants a friend?? I don't think she is looking for a new friend.

 

And there is no such a thing as - "just have sex with him until you know his true intentions". - listen, YOU CAN NEVER know the true intentions of a man. He can play the "perfect man" role until he has sex with her and then dump her in the next second. He has already shown that he is willing to do that. Only a fool would agree to have sex with him again.

 

And once again - TRUE PLAYERS never change.

 

My cousin is the greatest player of all times, got married, had children and has been cheating on his wife FOR AGES.

 

Mark my words - TRUE PLAYERS NEVER change.

 

I guess I just have more confidence in myself and trust my own judgment more than you do.

 

I am not afraid to take a risk or give a guy I dig a second chance, cause I know how to protect my heart from hurt again by said guy... and my confidence gives me the ability to think more positively and give a guy the benefit of the doubt -- which there IS - no matter how angry you are and/or how you wish to spin this.

 

Look GV... I am sorry you have been so hurt....and have so little confidence in YOURSELF and so much distrust....that you don't think said guy could ever see you as more than a booty call.

 

That is really sad IMO...but carry on. It's your life.

Edited December 29, 2015 by katiegrl

[dobielover]

I think everybody knows what a womanizer is... But basically a man who is only looking for sex with women but manipulates them into thinking he is NOT solely interested in sex.

 

Sometimes a womanizer will be honest and say he is only looking for sex but even so there are women who like to fool themselves and think they will be able to change the womanizer. No woman can ever change a womanizer.

 

So you're saying that a man NEVER changes from only wanting sex, to wanting a relationship.

 

I disagree. I've experienced it first hand.

 

Carry on.

[GingerVixen]

I guess I just have more confidence in myself and trust my own judgment more than you do.

 

I am not afraid to take a risk or give a guy I dig a second chance, cause I know how to protect my heart from hurt again by said guy... and my confidence gives me the ability to think more positively and give a guy the benefit of the doubt -- which there IS - no matter how angry you are and/or how you wish to spin this.

 

Look GV... I am sorry you have been so hurt....and have so little confidence in YOURSELF that you don't think said guy could ever see you as more than a booty call.

 

That is really said IMO...but carry on. It's your life.

 

I don't have little confidence in myself. I have confidence, I have standards and I know what I am looking for. And I came here to give the OP my piece of advice, and honestly I did not ask for your opinion regarding MY LIFE.

 

If you like to gratuitously offend people in boards to feel good, it seems that the one who lacks confidence in yourself is YOU, not me.

 

All I am saying is that a woman who agrees to have sex with a guy who has treated her like garbage before is nothing but a fool.

 

You have the right to disagree with me, you just do not have the right to offend - try to offend - me. Next time you come to a board, try to be mature and learn how to deal with people who think differently of you. You can always have an argument without being childish and offensive. Think about that.

[Stephanie91]

This is the original. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/553973-she-fell-deeply-lust-booty-call

 

 

I don't want to push him away if i don't have to... I really like him.

 

He made the other night feel like he actually cared a bit about me... most booty calls wouldn't bother to care in public I would think.

If you like him I say don't walk away. Stay and try to work on the relationship. Everyone on this site advise to move on, let go and walk away while I am pretty sure when it comes to their own love life they put up with worse...listen to your heart and not strangers who don't have to deal with the consequences of a breakup

[katiegrl]

I don't have little confidence in myself. I have confidence, I have standards and I know what I am looking for. And I came here to give the OP my piece of advice, and honestly I did not ask for your opinion regarding MY LIFE.

 

If you like to gratuitously offend people in boards to feel good, it seems that the one who lacks confidence in yourself is YOU, not me.

 

All I am saying is that a woman who agrees to have sex with a guy who has treated her like garbage before is nothing but a fool.

 

You have the right to disagree with me, you just do not have the right to offend - try to offend - me. Next time you come to a board, try to be mature and learn how to deal with people who think differently of you. You can always have an argument without being childish and offensive. Think about that.

 

I don't set out to offend anyone GV... I just call it like I see it

 

If that offends you I apologize but again not my intention.

 

Good luck!

[katiegrl]

So you're saying that a man NEVER changes from only wanting sex, to wanting a relationship.

 

I disagree. I've experienced it first hand.

 

Carry on.

 

As have I dobie!

[Stephanie91]

I don't think he deserves a second chance. He doesn't even deserve a date. He had sex with her then he ghosted. Typical player move. You don't need to test the waters with this guy - you know you'll get hurt again and again and again. Accepting to go on a date with a jerk like him will only give him the permission to tell his friends - "Hey look, I dumped her ass and she wants to go on a date again :D"

And if she is going out with him but is not planning to have sex with him, she only wants a friend?? I don't think she is looking for a new friend.

 

And there is no such a thing as - "just have sex with him until you know his true intentions". - listen, YOU CAN NEVER know the true intentions of a man. He can play the "perfect man" role until he has sex with her and then dump her in the next second. He has already shown that he is willing to do that. Only a fool would agree to have sex with him again.

 

And once again - TRUE PLAYERS never change.

 

My cousin is the greatest player of all times, got married, had children and has been cheating on his wife FOR AGES.

 

Mark my words - TRUE PLAYERS NEVER change.

I am so sorry you have that toxic perception of men and sort them by "players" and whatever you're saying...cheaters and inconsistent people have no gender. It's just a type of a person, don't be a man hater. ..let her decide what she needs to do with this guy, walking away is always an option and easy.

Edited December 29, 2015 by Stephanie91

[Stephanie91]

If he asks to see you again...why not just go out with him...but don't have sex with him!

 

Start over....from the beginning. No sex for awhile. You will see his true colors if he sticks around.

 

Maybe I am just a romantic, but I DO believe people change and realize things (feelings) after the fact. Yes even months later. It has been known to happen!

 

I also believe in second chances....BUT you need to protect yourself, protect your heart.

 

So why not take a chance? As long as you realize that it IS a risk and he may only want another booty call -- and if that's the case, you walk away.

 

But then again, perhaps if YOU change the script and behave differently, like a girl who is looking for something meaningful and lasting, as opposed to a quick roll in the hay -- HE may "see" you differently, and want to pursue something meaningful to him too -- and NOT just a booty call.

 

That is what I would do -- but again be sure you go into this with your EYES WIDE OPEN -- and see what's in front of you -- and not just want you want to see.

So you strongly recommend using sex as a bargaining chip? Men usually sense that and walk away as it's manipulative and controlling. It's fear based and ugly.

[GingerVixen]

I am so sorry you have that toxic perception of men and sort them by "players" and whatever you're saying...cheaters and inconsistent people have no gender. It's just a type of a person, don't be a man hater. ..let her decide what she needs to do with this guy, walking away is always an option and easy.

 

LOL. I am not a man hater. And I never said there are only male cheaters. Please do not twist my words or make up things I never said.

 

Listen, this is MY point of view, you can agree or disagree with it.

 

OP can agree or disagree with it. It's not like I am forcing her to do what I am saying. Don't take this board so seriously. Don't point your virtual fingers at me only because I have a different POV.

 

I am fully aware that not all men behave this way. But this guy is making a classic move. I can see red flags everywhere. If you can't, good (or bad) for you.

 

Now the decision is in OP's hands, not in mine and let alone in yours.

Edited December 29, 2015 by GingerVixen

[katiegrl]

So you strongly recommend using sex as a bargaining chip? Men usually sense that and walk away as it's manipulative and controlling. It's fear based and ugly.

 

No not at all... she's not choosing to not have sex (for awhile) in the hopes he will commit to a relationship.

 

She is choosing to not have sex because she knows she will get emotionally attached again if she does....so she holds off until she is more sure of his intentions... and then once she is...and they both agree to a relationship with each other.... then she will feel emotionally safe enough to have sex with him again.

 

She's gonna have to trust her own judgment on that.

 

But when a guy hurts you once, ya gotta be careful and protect your heart!

 

IMO, it's okay to give a second chance...but be cautious, be prudent, protect your heart!!

 

Don't allow yourself to become too invested emotionally until such time he shows you (via his actions) that he is someone you can trust, who cares about you and wishes to develop a LTR with you.

[LustStruck]

It's foolish, said pride

It's stupid, said the mind

Give it a try, whispered the heart.

 

I'm usually an optimist as well, most of my relationships started as booty calls.... why buy the pig when the sausage is free?

 

That was all it was supposed to be. But we hit it off, and something I have only felt a handful of times surged through me.

 

I'll play it safe and sarcastic. I know his hot buttons.

 

I wouldn't say he ever treated me like ****... he was always manscaped, smelled great, paid a lot of attention to me (I'm a cancer-leo cusp, flattery and attention to detail is everything). Did he take me out? No. But he did less than subtly show me off to his friends the other night...

 

I'm prettier than the girls he normally goes for... I'm used to having the upper hand there.

 

We're both social, peppy, sarcastically vain and dammit, we'd make cute babies:rolleyes:

[Stephanie91]

OP, friends with benefits usually always knock the door down at some point. They are going to come back, 7 months later or even years later, unless they get married or something, but even then they may still try their chances. Now why they come back may be for different reasons, but generally speaking they miss you/having sex with you. Now it's up to you whether or not you want that man in your life. If you care for him enough to give him second chance-go for it, but don't make the same mistakes as before or you'll end up with same results. It's just funny how exs work, a girl or a guy, doesn't even matter, after a certain amount of time they tend to come back. My guess is they date around and then when they don't find someone better as a replacement they knock your down again...and no, nothing wrong with starting over with someone you once been with. In our culture there's this notion that ex=evil, they don't deserve second chances, I say try it and see for yourself.

[GingerVixen]

It's foolish, said pride

It's stupid, said the mind

Give it a try, whispered the heart.

 

I'm usually an optimist as well, most of my relationships started as booty calls.... why buy the pig when the sausage is free?

 

That was all it was supposed to be. But we hit it off, and something I have only felt a handful of times surged through me.

 

I'll play it safe and sarcastic. I know his hot buttons.

 

I wouldn't say he ever treated me like ****... he was always manscaped, smelled great, paid a lot of attention to me (I'm a cancer-leo cusp, flattery and attention to detail is everything). Did he take me out? No. But he did less than subtly show me off to his friends the other night...

 

I'm prettier than the girls he normally goes for... I'm used to having the upper hand there.

 

We're both social, peppy, sarcastically vain and dammit, we'd make cute babies:rolleyes:

 

So OP what you're planning to do?

 

Are you willing to give him a second chance or not?

 

Are you willing to take the risk?

 

Keep us informed!

[katiegrl]

OP, friends with benefits usually always knock the door down at some point. They are going to come back, 7 months later or even years later, unless they get married or something, but even then they may still try their chances. Now why they come back may be for different reasons, but generally speaking they miss you/having sex with you.

 

Now it's up to you whether or not you want that man in your life. If you care for him enough to give him second chance-go for it, but don't make the same mistakes as before or you'll end up with same results.[/B] It's just funny how exs work, a girl or a guy, doesn't even matter, after a certain amount of time they tend to come back. My guess is they date around and then when they don't find someone better as a replacement they knock your down again...and no, nothing wrong with starting over with someone you once been with. In our culture there's this notion that ex=evil, they don't deserve second chances, I say try it and see for yourself.

 

Bolded -- exactly Stephanie....you get it!

 

That is what I was trying to say, apparently I did not articulate that very well....but you just did....so thanks!

[Stephanie91]

No not at all... she's not choosing to not have sex (for awhile) in the hopes he will commit to a relationship.

 

She is choosing to not have sex because she knows she will get emotionally attached again if she does....so she holds off until she is more sure of his intentions... and then once she is...and they both agree to a relationship with each other.... then she will feel emotionally safe enough to have sex with him again.

 

She's gonna have to trust her own judgment on that.

 

But when a guy hurts you once, ya gotta be careful and protect your heart!

 

IMO, it's okay to give a second chance...but be cautious, be prudent, protect your heart!!

 

Don't allow yourself to become too invested emotionally until such time he shows you (via his actions) that he is someone you can trust, who cares about you and wishes to develop a LTR with you.

Yes, agree on the being cautious, but if she deliberately holds off for a certain period of time, he will sense that she's manipulating (even if she is not) and will get distant. Biologically men need more sex and when you reject them they think you're just friend-zone them or something. So they move on or focus on sex entirely and chase you only for that...So If I were her I would give sex away, but not my heart. It IS possible to have sex and not get too attached.

[Stephanie91]

It's foolish, said pride

It's stupid, said the mind

Give it a try, whispered the heart.

 

I'm usually an optimist as well, most of my relationships started as booty calls.... why buy the pig when the sausage is free?

 

That was all it was supposed to be. But we hit it off, and something I have only felt a handful of times surged through me.

 

I'll play it safe and sarcastic. I know his hot buttons.

 

I wouldn't say he ever treated me like ****... he was always manscaped, smelled great, paid a lot of attention to me (I'm a cancer-leo cusp, flattery and attention to detail is everything). Did he take me out? No. But he did less than subtly show me off to his friends the other night...

 

I'm prettier than the girls he normally goes for... I'm used to having the upper hand there.

 

We're both social, peppy, sarcastically vain and dammit, we'd make cute babies:rolleyes:

OP, no offense but even your username says "luststruck" means you're not so against the whole no strings attached relationships like everyone else here try to protect you from...so once again, go for it, don't break your own heart by being too proud or too cold hearted. Just don't make the same mistakes and try to attract him more than just sexually...something I am very curious about myself...Men bond sexually, yes, but if you want more than just lust then you'll have to bond with him on other levels as well like social, emotional and financial

[GingerVixen]

OP, no offense but even your username says "luststruck" means you're not so against the whole no strings attached relationships like everyone else here try to protect you from...so once again, go for it, don't break your own heart by being too proud or too cold hearted. Just don't make the same mistakes and try to attract him more than just sexually...something I am very curious about myself...Men bond sexually, yes, but if you want more than just lust then you'll have to bond with him on other levels as well like social, emotional and financial

 

What do you mean by "bonding in a financial level"????

[katiegrl]

Yes, agree on the being cautious, but if she deliberately holds off for a certain period of time, he will sense that she's manipulating (even if she is not) and will get distant. Biologically men need more sex and when you reject them they think you're just friend-zone them or something. So they move on or focus on sex entirely and chase you only for that...So If I were her I would give sex away, but not my heart. It IS possible to have sex and not get too attached.

 

Fair enough....but then how would you propose she behave differently like you said in your previous post (so as to avoid experiencing the same results)... if she agrees to have sex with him again right off the bat?

 

Should she not protect herself (and her heart) in that regard, in case he IS just looking for another booty call?

 

IMO she avoids him thinking she is manipulating him by communicating with him... and letting him know she is super into him...but...she looking for something meaningful and long term this time (not with him necessarily)... and wishes to hold off on the sex until she is sure she wants to pursue something long term -- with him. And vice versa!

 

He hurt her once, he needs to show her via his actions that he is sincere in wanting something meaningful this time... and not just another booty call.

 

If he assumes she is manipulating him because she wants to wait a bit....then IMO -- good riddance!

Edited December 29, 2015 by katiegrl

[Stephanie91]

GingerVixen, what I meant by bonding on more than just sexual level, I meant doing things together, sharing budget for example, or even having similar financial goals/spending habits, this is big in relationships, men or women, money is very important in relationships...and of course there's still social, emotional, spiritual levels...if she's lucky enough to be able to bond with him on all those levels then they have a full on relationship.

 

Katiegrl, by not having sex with him she's not exactly protecting her heart. Plus it's going to be really awkward especially for them, since they DO have a sexual history together, if they didn't then at least she could say that she has different boundaries regarding when to have sex, but right now to intentionally remove sex from the menu means manipulation/control. Kiss of death to all the chances to ever being together simply because it's so fear based.

[katiegrl]

GingerVixen, what I meant by bonding on more than just sexual level, I meant doing things together, sharing budget for example, or even having similar financial goals/spending habits, this is big in relationships, men or women, money is very important in relationships...and of course there's still social, emotional, spiritual levels...if she's lucky enough to be able to bond with him on all those levels then they have a full on relationship.

 

Katiegrl, by not having sex with him she's not exactly protecting her heart. Plus it's going to be really awkward especially for them, since they DO have a sexual history together, if they didn't then at least she could say that she has different boundaries regarding when to have sex, but right now to intentionally remove sex from the menu means manipulation/control. Kiss of death to all the chances to ever being together simply because it's so fear based.

 

Okay we'll just have to agree to disagree then...cause IMO it would be the kiss of death to have sex with him again so quickly....without taking into consideration that he ghosted on her previously after sex, and could very well ghost her again.

 

I think it's very possible to start over from scratch, and forget the fact they've had sex previously.

 

I have friends who have, in fact, turned it around like that...by changing their behavior, not making it all so easy for the guy....and the guy DID end up committing to her in the end.

 

But it takes communication.

 

If you don't agree that's okay I am totally cool with that...

[GingerVixen]

GingerVixen, what I meant by bonding on more than just sexual level, I meant doing things together, sharing budget for example, or even having similar financial goals/spending habits, this is big in relationships, men or women, money is very important in relationships...and of course there's still social, emotional, spiritual levels...if she's lucky enough to be able to bond with him on all those levels then they have a full on relationship.

 

Katiegrl, by not having sex with him she's not exactly protecting her heart. Plus it's going to be really awkward especially for them, since they DO have a sexual history together, if they didn't then at least she could say that she has different boundaries regarding when to have sex, but right now to intentionally remove sex from the menu means manipulation/control. Kiss of death to all the chances to ever being together simply because it's so fear based.

 

Well you will only share budget when you're in a very serious, EXCLUSIVE relationship with a guy. And sometimes some people just do that when they are MARRIED. That is not the point, she is not even dating the guy at the moment.

 

Anyway... My point of view is - OP, I think you are a very interesting and fun person by the way you write and express yourself. I by no means see you as an easy woman. I think you're just like me in a way - you like sex and you like it with fun, interesting guys. And because we like that, sometimes we get trapped in a player's web. Because yes, we know players can be interesting, but we have to keep away from them if we don't want to get hurt.

 

However, once you have agreed to be a guy's booty call, unfortunately, it will be VERY difficult for this guy to see you as something more than just a booty call. And you can't withhold sex now in order to show him you're a different woman now. Otherwise he will think you're playing games with him. There is a high chance he only sees you as a potential booty call , and that he is only trying to have sex with you again, and that he will dump you again.

 

Like I said... this is my humble point of view... But I wish you good luck with it. Beware and keep us informed!

[katiegrl]

Well you will only share budget when you're in a very serious, EXCLUSIVE relationship with a guy. And sometimes some people just do that when they are MARRIED. That is not the point, she is not even dating the guy at the moment.

 

Anyway... My point of view is - OP, I think you are a very interesting and fun person by the way you write and express yourself. I by no means see you as an easy woman. I think you're just like me in a way - you like sex and you like it with fun, interesting guys. And because we like that, sometimes we get trapped in a player's web. Because yes, we know players can be interesting, but we have to keep away from them if we don't want to get hurt.

 

However, once you have agreed to be a guy's booty call, unfortunately, it will be VERY difficult for this guy to see you as something more than just a booty call. And you can't withhold sex now in order to show him you're a different woman now. Otherwise he will think you're playing games with him. There is a high chance he only sees you as a potential booty call , and that he is only trying to have sex with you again, and that he will dump you again.

 

Like I said... this is my humble point of view... But I wish you good luck with it. Beware and keep us informed!

 

GV... I actually agree with you about that. It IS often difficult to change a man's perception of you (or anyone's perception of you) once it's formed....but it can be done....but again a huge risk.

 

I guess for me... I am a bit of a risk taker - I've been hurt a lot but have always been able to bounce back quickly, I am super resilient in that sense....and for this reason, I am able to give second chances (not more than two), and if I get hurt again.... I KNOW I will be okay.

 

But I realize not everyone is like me....so as I always say, we should all do what is right for us....cause we are not all the same.

 

Ciao and happy holidays!

 

And again, apologies if I offended your earlier. I admit I can be a bit brash sometimes.... but it's never my intention to offend.

[Stephanie91]

I agree with GingerVixen on that OP can't really use sex as a way to make the relationship run, simply because they have already done that in the past. And here's a crazy idea...maybe all those guys who "use" girls for sex or don't take the relationship to the next level are not exactly players, but just don't see themselves compatible with that particular girl on more than just sexual level? Maybe those girls put too much emphasis on sex and sexual attraction (which is important, don't get me wrong), but forget about other levels and areas? There's a reason why most guys you date friend-zone you as a booty call or just a fun-time girl, you must be missing something they want in a girlfriend. Now it's different for every guy, but it's our job to find out. Sex itself is not a deal breaker, unless sex is the only things connecting those two...

I just started a new thread on here discussing art of seduction and how it's done, and everyone should learn ways to make themselves more attractive, not just sexually but in general, as a person.

OP, maybe this time try to catch his attention with something new and fresh? Maybe an activity you could try together like go for a swim, hike, go to an interesting museum, discuss a movie/book. If you focus on sex and pleasure only then yes, you will end up being his booty call.

[Leigh 87]

Geez.

 

What a romantic story to tell the kids:

 

"Well, he wasn't that into me initially and it took him about 7 months to suddenly realize that he liked me enough to date me"

 

And he only reached out because he bumped into you at that public gathering.

 

I dunno. Personally, I know I am better than settling for a guy who didn't like me enough to date at first and needed 7 months to figure out that he liked me enough to date me.

 

I feel sorry for women who accept guys back into their lives after they didn't exactly fall for them the first time around.