LustStruck Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I had a booty call, yes, that was all it was, that I previously wrote about here to help me get over the pain of him going cold. We passed each other down town, he was with his friends and I was with my sister. I didn't see him, but he texted me right away. Our destination was the same bar for a concert. He found me and my sister pretty quickly inside and stayed with us the whole night until we left. He introduced me by name to several of his best friends and he told me how pretty I was and kept starring over throughout the night.... even trying to make us hang out with his friends after, I declined. Even after the turn down, he said things like, "you know, we have a lot in common.... I'm fun, you're fun. I'm weird, you're weird." When I poked at his silence, he said "well, I texted you tonight, and I'm so glad I did. I called to you as you walked by, but you ignored me." We talked, light flirting, and he grew up with the head liner and was surprised to know I've been to several shows. He said "how come you never told me that you knew this band and that's so hot" He proceeded to ask me via text later when I would talk to him again, and that he'd really like to see me and that i know how to make him laugh. This morning, he texted me when he woke up to apologize for his behavior and tell me how glad he was to see me. We've been texting back and forth like best friends all day. The conversation was pretty equal: I only send short texts and made sure they were fun and he wrote back to all of them instantly. I'm looking for input, warnings and how I can test his motives if I decide to ever see him again.
Buddhist Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I'm looking for input, warnings and how I can test his motives if I decide to ever see him again. So, you're looking for reasons to shut this down as fast as possible? Strange idea....
kassy Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I don't know the back story... But it sounds like you had a booty call with the guy 7 months ago... Bumped into him again the other day and now it appears if you're keen he's up for another roll in the hay... So if you feel like a shag go for it. If not don't. I feel like I must be missing something here... Can you explain a bit more what the problem is?
Author LustStruck Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 This is the original. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/553973-she-fell-deeply-lust-booty-call I don't want to push him away if i don't have to... I really like him. He made the other night feel like he actually cared a bit about me... most booty calls wouldn't bother to care in public I would think.
anika99 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 He apologized for his behaviour but did he give you an explanation for it? Did he give you a reason for ditching you and that reason sounded plausible or understandable to you? I would tread carefully with him. You don't want to let him hurt you again. 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) most booty calls wouldn't bother to care in public I would think. He would if he hadn't had any for a while. There is a strong possibility that he just wants the no strings attached arrangement you had before, so he is trying to flatter you and tell you what you want to here in order to get sex. If that isn't what you want then you need to take things slowly and proceed with caution until you are clear what his intentions are. I suspect his motives will become clear rather quickly. Edited December 28, 2015 by Scarlett.O'hara 3
frus69 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 This is the original. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/553973-she-fell-deeply-lust-booty-call I don't want to push him away if i don't have to... I really like him. And you think he likes you? Lol No he doesn't . He just thinks you are easy Pick up your dignity and walk away 1
RedRobin Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 How can you really like a guy you hardly know? Anyway, he just wants To tap that again. If that is what you are into, then go ahead. Stop putting any time into this or him and treat him like the ONS he was. And stop texting him for chrissakes. If a guy wants to see you and talk to you, make it a proper date... Ignore the in between. Unless all you want is sex. Sounds to me like He's just warming you up for the inevitable offer for another booty call. 4
road Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Simple So simple Tell you are no longer in the Free Sample business. Though when he is ready for a monogamous relationship to call you. Then go dark. 4
Standard-Fare Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Until he makes moves that resemble real dating, i.e. asking you out, just hang back and keep your cool. Don't initiate any texts, social media, anything; and keep your own responses sparse and light. Leave him hanging every once in a while. The most likely scenario is that one of these days he's going to be texting you to "come over" at night, in which case you need to be like, "Look, our old arrangement stopped working for me. I'm not interested in the booty call thing at this point. If you ever want something more than that be in touch." 4
Author LustStruck Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) He apologized for his behavior but did he give you an explanation for it? Did he give you a reason for ditching you and that reason sounded plausible or understandable to you? I would tread carefully with him. You don't want to let him hurt you again. He just said he wasn't ready. Technically, neither was I. He was a side piece And you think he likes you? Lol No he doesn't . He just thinks you are easy Pick up your dignity and walk away Can't I use the previously easy to my advantage somehow? I mean, I can't be that bad if he didn't turn and run in the other direction, right? Like, he acted more like a date than a dude who just wanted in my pants... it was subtle appropriate like a brush kind of contact.. not like grabbing my ass or anything. Like he didn't put me aside, despite I guess a favorite band being on stage... I didn't hang on a thing he said, I just watched the band, answered questions and waved my wrist for another drink. He kept moving around people to get to me when they'd cut through (small town, nothing to do, pretty sure there were atleast 600 people there) . For an extrovert, it almost looked like that gap pained him . it was almost cute. He kept saying he'd like to see me and all that other "give a girl hope" crap men come programmed with. The only reason I guess I'm giving him any pause at all, is because it sounded sincere. He really was happy to see me. He was a mess of emotions, but I sensed nervousness, which was never a him thing in our history. I also felt shame and curiosity, and he really was something else. The first time we hooked up: afterwards he said he'd make an awesome boyfriend... I was the one who brushed it off then I guess because I'm not into clingers... and that set off a flag, which I might have told him. I can justify both ways between booty call and chance he'd ever want more. I don't know why I like him, but he's been stuck under my skin since the beginning... which isn't me. I hate that I got a high off of being with him the other night. It was as if for two hours, all was right with the world. Edited December 28, 2015 by LustStruck
GingerVixen Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) I had a booty call, yes, that was all it was, that I previously wrote about here to help me get over the pain of him going cold. We passed each other down town, he was with his friends and I was with my sister. I didn't see him, but he texted me right away. Our destination was the same bar for a concert. He found me and my sister pretty quickly inside and stayed with us the whole night until we left. He introduced me by name to several of his best friends and he told me how pretty I was and kept starring over throughout the night.... even trying to make us hang out with his friends after, I declined. Even after the turn down, he said things like, "you know, we have a lot in common.... I'm fun, you're fun. I'm weird, you're weird." When I poked at his silence, he said "well, I texted you tonight, and I'm so glad I did. I called to you as you walked by, but you ignored me." We talked, light flirting, and he grew up with the head liner and was surprised to know I've been to several shows. He said "how come you never told me that you knew this band and that's so hot" He proceeded to ask me via text later when I would talk to him again, and that he'd really like to see me and that i know how to make him laugh. This morning, he texted me when he woke up to apologize for his behavior and tell me how glad he was to see me. We've been texting back and forth like best friends all day. The conversation was pretty equal: I only send short texts and made sure they were fun and he wrote back to all of them instantly. I'm looking for input, warnings and how I can test his motives if I decide to ever see him again. Wow, girl... I think you know the answer already - I can only see RED FLAGS in this situation! The thing is - if you want another booty call, and if you're 100% sure you will handle well the situation if he dumps you again - and trust me, if he does, it will be even worse and he will be even colder... then go for it. Have sex. Have fun. (it is very likely you will feel you lost all your self respect later, but go for it) Now... Look at what happened. You had a booty call, and like most women, you got emotionally involved. You were hurt. You felt rejected. We have all been there. Don't try to deceive yourself. He did NOT come back 7 months later. I will tell you what happened - he was there with his friends, the night was young, he didn't have a date, he wants to get laid and he wants an ego booster - why not aim at an old "prey"? He must have thought "Well... she agreed to get laid with me before... why wouldn't she get laid with me now?? All I have to do is to pretend I have missed her really badly and say I regret not having talked to her and that she is the only who makes me laugh and blah blah. She will fall for it because she has been crazy about me all this time, and we will have sex again. Piece of cake". Trust me, that is what ran through his mind. If he really thought you were that amazing, interesting girl, the one that was so fun and weird like him, the only one who could make him laugh, why did he go cold in the first place?? Why did he basically disappear?? Have this in mind next time he texts you. Don't let him manipulate you again. Guys like him see women as their puppets, and they're only looking for ego boosters. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. Trust me, you will get hurt again if you have sex with him again. Then you say "Like, he acted more like a date than a dude who just wanted in my pants..." Girl.. you're infatuated... You're blind. Look. MEN WILL DO ANYTHING NECESSARY to get in your pants. I have seen men introduce the girl to their parents, I have seen men buy women very expensive pieces of jewelry only to get in their pants and then disappear and even call them SLUTS when the poor girls called them later. Yes I have seen things like this happen. DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF. Now you're considering the possibility of having sex with him because he only said a few flattering words and some stupid bull****? Please girl open your eyes. If I were you I would dump him right now, and you have 3 ways to do it... 1. The assertive way - you tell him right away you're not interested in him anymore, and that he should move on. I think this is the best way. It makes you feel great about yourself, keeps your self respect intact and shows him you're not here to play games. It shows him you're in a higher level than him. 2. The bitchy/manipulative way - you try to beat him at his own game... Set up a date and then don't show up. And then text him saying "You really thought I would be a fool again??" That is definitely NOT recommended. Karma will run after you. Don't do that. 3. The passive/aggressive way - if you think he's too much of a scumbag and that he doesn't even deserve a closure, just block him and ignore all his messages. Edited December 28, 2015 by GingerVixen 1
kidm Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 He just said he wasn't ready. Technically, neither was I. He was a side piece Can't I use the previously easy to my advantage somehow? I mean, I can't be that bad if he didn't turn and run in the other direction, right? Like, he acted more like a date than a dude who just wanted in my pants... it was subtle appropriate like a brush kind of contact.. not like grabbing my ass or anything. Like he didn't put me aside, despite I guess a favorite band being on stage... I didn't hang on a thing he said, I just watched the band, answered questions and waved my wrist for another drink. He kept moving around people to get to me when they'd cut through (small town, nothing to do, pretty sure there were atleast 600 people there) . For an extrovert, it almost looked like that gap pained him . it was almost cute. He kept saying he'd like to see me and all that other "give a girl hope" crap men come programmed with. The only reason I guess I'm giving him any pause at all, is because it sounded sincere. He really was happy to see me. He was a mess of emotions, but I sensed nervousness, which was never a him thing in our history. I also felt shame and curiosity, and he really was something else. The first time we hooked up: afterwards he said he'd make an awesome boyfriend... I was the one who brushed it off then I guess because I'm not into clingers... and that set off a flag, which I might have told him. I can justify both ways between booty call and chance he'd ever want more. I don't know why I like him, but he's been stuck under my skin since the beginning... which isn't me. I hate that I got a high off of being with him the other night. It was as if for two hours, all was right with the world. That subtle brush that reignites the ghost of past feelings. It was mesmerizing...electric in fact. You sensed in that moment it was his way of acknowledging mistakes made. Of letting you go, 7 months ago. The potential for forever. This time he will make no such mistake. He has learned his lesson. 7 months of pure torture not having you in his life. He is ready to bare it all but do you feel the same way, he wonders? The shame of running away from his feelings months ago is all too overpowering. It envelopes his being. He realizes he screwed up and wants to make amends. A nervous laughter escapes from his lips. He is too overwrought to listen to his favorite band. The only thing standing between him and his second chance is a band of drunken concert revelers. This meeting was predestined. Fate stepped in to lend him a hand. This time, he wouldn't go cold. This time it would be love, actually. [Movie ends] [Reality begins] You see the light flashing on your phone indicating a text message. It's him! He asks: "Want to come over for netflix and chill?" 6
Author LustStruck Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 That subtle brush that reignites the ghost of past feelings. It was mesmerizing...electric in fact. You sensed in that moment it was his way of acknowledging mistakes made. Of letting you go, 7 months ago. The potential for forever. This time he will make no such mistake. He has learned his lesson. 7 months of pure torture not having you in his life. He is ready to bare it all but do you feel the same way, he wonders? The shame of running away from his feelings months ago is all too overpowering. It envelopes his being. He realizes he screwed up and wants to make amends. A nervous laughter escapes from his lips. He is too overwrought to listen to his favorite band. The only thing standing between him and his second chance is a band of drunken concert revelers. This meeting was predestined. Fate stepped in to lend him a hand. This time, he wouldn't go cold. This time it would be love, actually. [Movie ends] [Reality begins] You see the light flashing on your phone indicating a text message. It's him! He asks: "Want to come over for netflix and chill?" That really was a great story.
Author LustStruck Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 Wow, girl... I think you know the answer already - I can only see RED FLAGS in this situation! The thing is - if you want another booty call, and if you're 100% sure you will handle well the situation if he dumps you again - and trust me, if he does, it will be even worse and he will be even colder... then go for it. Have sex. Have fun. (it is very likely you will feel you lost all your self respect later, but go for it) Now... Look at what happened. You had a booty call, and like most women, you got emotionally involved. You were hurt. You felt rejected. We have all been there. Don't try to deceive yourself. He did NOT come back 7 months later. I will tell you what happened - he was there with his friends, the night was young, he didn't have a date, he wants to get laid and he wants an ego booster - why not aim at an old "prey"? He must have thought "Well... she agreed to get laid with me before... why wouldn't she get laid with me now?? All I have to do is to pretend I have missed her really badly and say I regret not having talked to her and that she is the only who makes me laugh and blah blah. She will fall for it because she has been crazy about me all this time, and we will have sex again. Piece of cake". Trust me, that is what ran through his mind. If he really thought you were that amazing, interesting girl, the one that was so fun and weird like him, the only one who could make him laugh, why did he go cold in the first place?? Why did he basically disappear?? Have this in mind next time he texts you. Don't let him manipulate you again. Guys like him see women as their puppets, and they're only looking for ego boosters. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. Trust me, you will get hurt again if you have sex with him again. Then you say "Like, he acted more like a date than a dude who just wanted in my pants..." Girl.. you're infatuated... You're blind. Look. MEN WILL DO ANYTHING NECESSARY to get in your pants. I have seen men introduce the girl to their parents, I have seen men buy women very expensive pieces of jewelry only to get in their pants and then disappear and even call them SLUTS when the poor girls called them later. Yes I have seen things like this happen. DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF. Now you're considering the possibility of having sex with him because he only said a few flattering words and some stupid bull****? Please girl open your eyes. If I were you I would dump him right now, and you have 3 ways to do it... 1. The assertive way - you tell him right away you're not interested in him anymore, and that he should move on. I think this is the best way. It makes you feel great about yourself, keeps your self respect intact and shows him you're not here to play games. It shows him you're in a higher level than him. 2. The bitchy/manipulative way - you try to beat him at his own game... Set up a date and then don't show up. And then text him saying "You really thought I would be a fool again??" That is definitely NOT recommended. Karma will run after you. Don't do that. 3. The passive/aggressive way - if you think he's too much of a scumbag and that he doesn't even deserve a closure, just block him and ignore all his messages. Well, at least I introduced him to my sister as "the that guy who does that thing with his face" I do want to get his excuse... closure for my mind I guess before I burn him... if I can. I'm big on karma, so I wouldn't stand him up. So far I've just neglected to text him at all today... the girl is busy.
katiegrl Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 If he asks to see you again...why not just go out with him...but don't have sex with him! Start over....from the beginning. No sex for awhile. You will see his true colors if he sticks around. Maybe I am just a romantic, but I DO believe people change and realize things (feelings) after the fact. Yes even months later. It has been known to happen! I also believe in second chances....BUT you need to protect yourself, protect your heart. So why not take a chance? As long as you realize that it IS a risk and he may only want another booty call -- and if that's the case, you walk away. But then again, perhaps if YOU change the script and behave differently, like a girl who is looking for something meaningful and lasting, as opposed to a quick roll in the hay -- HE may "see" you differently, and want to pursue something meaningful to him too -- and NOT just a booty call. That is what I would do -- but again be sure you go into this with your EYES WIDE OPEN -- and see what's in front of you -- and not just want you want to see.
GingerVixen Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Well, at least I introduced him to my sister as "the that guy who does that thing with his face" I do want to get his excuse... closure for my mind I guess before I burn him... if I can. I'm big on karma, so I wouldn't stand him up. So far I've just neglected to text him at all today... the girl is busy. You won't ever get closure from a player like him. Guys like him like to leave girls hanging... wondering and speculating. They like to be.... "mysterious" *yawn* Ignore his next texts. Leave him hanging. Date other guys. This one is not worth it.
katiegrl Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) You won't ever get closure from a player like him. Guys like him like to leave girls hanging... wondering and speculating. They like to be.... "mysterious" *yawn* Ignore his next texts. Leave him hanging. Date other guys. This one is not worth it. A man is a "player" until he meets a woman he does not want to "play" with anymore....but wants to pursue something meaningful with.... The OP could be that girl.... IF she plays HER cards right. See my above post. What's the worst that could happen? He does see her as another booty call... but so what? She's not gonna have sex with him again for awhile anyway...so why not just see what he's about? If he DOES want just another booty call, then walk away. Easy peasy....I don't see the big deal in trying again -- from scratch. You won't get anywhere in this life...if you are too afraid to take a risk. As long as one protects themselves and their heart (no sex, see things realistically), I don't see the harm. JMO. Edited December 29, 2015 by katiegrl
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 A man is a "player" until he meets a woman he does not want to "play" with anymore....but wants to pursue something meaningful with.... The OP could be that girl.... IF she plays HER cards right. See my above post. What's the worst that could happen? He does see her as another booty call... but so what? She's not gonna have sex with him again for awhile anyway...so why not just see what he's about? If he DOES want just another booty call, then walk away. Easy peasy....I don't see the big deal in trying again -- from scratch. You won't get anywhere in this life...if you are too afraid to take a risk. As long as one protects themselves and their heart (no sex, see things realistically), I don't see the harm. JMO. A player, a true player - never changes. There is no "right" woman who will turn a player into a good man. It's a lie. There are players who may be in a serious relationships and keep fooling the woman for ages, cheating the fool for ages. Don't believe that you can change a player - you really cannot. HE OBVIOUSLY only wants a booty call. Like I said, if he really thinks she is SO AMAZING like he said he thinks, why did he ignore her back then?? Why did he dump her?? Girls please this is a CLASSIC move... Don't fall for it. This guy will break her heart AGAIN if she has sex with him... And what's more... If she agrees to have sex with him she will only be showing him she has no standards. She accepts being treated badly, she is willing to have sex with the guy who treats her like sh*t. A man will never have respect for a woman who accepts this kind of thing. He will see her as a puppet, a toy. That's the easiest way to lose your self respect - to have sex with a guy who treated you like garbage.
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 A player, a true player - never changes. There is no "right" woman who will turn a player into a good man. It's a lie. There are players who may be in a serious relationships and keep fooling the woman for ages, cheating the fool for ages. Don't believe that you can change a player - you really cannot. HE OBVIOUSLY only wants a booty call. Like I said, if he really thinks she is SO AMAZING like he said he thinks, why did he ignore her back then?? Why did he dump her?? Girls please this is a CLASSIC move... Don't fall for it. This guy will break her heart AGAIN if she has sex with him... And what's more... If she agrees to have sex with him she will only be showing him she has no standards. She accepts being treated badly, she is willing to have sex with the guy who treats her like sh*t. A man will never have respect for a woman who accepts this kind of thing. He will see her as a puppet, a toy. That's the easiest way to lose your self respect - to have sex with a guy who treated you like garbage. People can change sometimes GV.... it's been known to happen. And like I said....back then - SHE presented herself as a booty call too -- it wasn't just him. So now....seven months later, there still appears to be some major chemistry. So work from that and try again.... again as I said, it IS possible the second time round will be the charm -- again it's been known to happen! And she really digs the guy so why not? Just don't have sex with him! Watch his actions.... and see how this plays out. Nothing ventured nothing gained IMO. And a player CAN change and DO change...when they meet the right woman. If he's a narcissist or sociopath -- okay probably not. But most "players" I know, including two of my own brothers...DID settle down eventually when they met the right woman. And they were two of the biggest players in L.A.!!
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 A player, a true player - never changes. There is no "right" woman who will turn a player into a good man. It's a lie. There are players who may be in a serious relationships and keep fooling the woman for ages, cheating the fool for ages. Don't believe that you can change a player - you really cannot. HE OBVIOUSLY only wants a booty call. Like I said, if he really thinks she is SO AMAZING like he said he thinks, why did he ignore her back then?? Why did he dump her?? Girls please this is a CLASSIC move... Don't fall for it. This guy will break her heart AGAIN if she has sex with him... And what's more... If she agrees to have sex with him she will only be showing him she has no standards. She accepts being treated badly, she is willing to have sex with the guy who treats her like sh*t. A man will never have respect for a woman who accepts this kind of thing. He will see her as a puppet, a toy. That's the easiest way to lose your self respect - to have sex with a guy who treated you like garbage. Apparently you missed the part where I said -DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM.
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 People can change sometimes GV.... it's been known to happen. And like I said....back then - SHE presented herself as a booty call too -- it wasn't just him. So now....seven months later, there still appears to be some major chemistry. So work from that and try again.... again as I said, it IS possible the second time round will be the charm -- again it's been known to happen! And she really digs the guy so why not? Just don't have sex with him! Watch his actions.... and see how this plays out. Nothing ventured nothing gained IMO. And a player CAN change and DO change...when they meet the right woman. If he's a narcissist or sociopath -- okay probably not. But most "players" I know, including two of my own brothers...DID settle down eventually when they met the right woman. And they were two of the biggest players in L.A.!! A man is a "player" until he meets a woman he does not want to "play" with anymore....but wants to pursue something meaningful with.... The OP could be that girl.... IF she plays HER cards right. See my above post. What's the worst that could happen? He does see her as another booty call... but so what? She's not gonna have sex with him again for awhile anyway...so why not just see what he's about? If he DOES want just another booty call, then walk away. Easy peasy....I don't see the big deal in trying again -- from scratch. You won't get anywhere in this life...if you are too afraid to take a risk. As long as one protects themselves and their heart (no sex, see things realistically), I don't see the harm. JMO. I don't think he deserves a second chance. He doesn't even deserve a date. He had sex with her then he ghosted. Typical player move. You don't need to test the waters with this guy - you know you'll get hurt again and again and again. Accepting to go on a date with a jerk like him will only give him the permission to tell his friends - "Hey look, I dumped her ass and she wants to go on a date again :D" And if she is going out with him but is not planning to have sex with him, she only wants a friend?? I don't think she is looking for a new friend. And there is no such a thing as - "just have sex with him until you know his true intentions". - listen, YOU CAN NEVER know the true intentions of a man. He can play the "perfect man" role until he has sex with her and then dump her in the next second. He has already shown that he is willing to do that. Only a fool would agree to have sex with him again. And once again - TRUE PLAYERS never change. My cousin is the greatest player of all times, got married, had children and has been cheating on his wife FOR AGES. Mark my words - TRUE PLAYERS NEVER change.
dobielover Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 What's a "true player"? How does one distinguish a true player from a fake player?
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 What's a "true player"? How does one distinguish a true player from a fake player? LOL. What I mean is, a guy who is a womanizer never changes. There are no fake players, you're either a player or not.
dobielover Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 LOL. What I mean is, a guy who is a womanizer never changes. There are no fake players, you're either a player or not. Okay, what's a womanizer?
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