Marieclaire15 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Ok I came into this relationship basically blind. He has a lot of issues in his family. Dealing with like stuff related to sexual abuse and like a broken family. the thing is his issues are basically on display for everyone to know about. It's not exactly private.
basil67 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Ok I came into this relationship basically blind. He has a lot of issues in his family. Dealing with like stuff related to sexual abuse and like a broken family. the thing is his issues are basically on display for everyone to know about. It's not exactly private. How is this causing an issue for you? 2
Author Marieclaire15 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 Ok I came into this relationship basically blind. He has a lot of issues in his family. Dealing with like stuff related to sexual abuse and like a broken family. the thing is his issues are basically on display for everyone to know about. It's not exactly private. Like over the last summer he was involved with another man an older man a situation I've gathered wasn't ideal or whatever he says he'd threaten and harass him. This is an ongoing case. And since his family has been a mess. And that his parents were getting a divorce and his mom's ex told everyone their business. The thing is what he said was that he was flat out gay. And told this to family and friends which eventually got back to my friends who told me that's how I found out. Also on top of all that hes admitted that he's confused about his sexuality and was sexually involved with another guy a mutual friend. We've only been together since Halloween and I don't care about most of this other than the std side of things but we're clean. More its just a matter of all the drama and I'm told I should be embarrassed but I do like him I have enjoyed our relationship. Things have gone really bad in his life but not between us. So... I don't really know. I don't want to break up with him. My friends want me to and basically anyone who knows.
Author Marieclaire15 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 How is this causing an issue for you? I wasn't done posting. My bad. It's causing a problem because it's not exactly a private issue.
oberkeat Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Ok I came into this relationship basically blind. He has a lot of issues in his family. Dealing with like stuff related to sexual abuse and like a broken family. the thing is his issues are basically on display for everyone to know about. It's not exactly private. Like over the last summer he was involved with another man an older man a situation I've gathered wasn't ideal or whatever he says he'd threaten and harass him. This is an ongoing case. And since his family has been a mess. And that his parents were getting a divorce and his mom's ex told everyone their business. The thing is what he said was that he was flat out gay. And told this to family and friends which eventually got back to my friends who told me that's how I found out. Also on top of all that hes admitted that he's confused about his sexuality and was sexually involved with another guy a mutual friend. We've only been together since Halloween and I don't care about most of this other than the std side of things but we're clean. More its just a matter of all the drama and I'm told I should be embarrassed but I do like him I have enjoyed our relationship. Things have gone really bad in his life but not between us. So... I don't really know. I don't want to break up with him. My friends want me to and basically anyone who knows. Why don't you go find yourself a guy who does not have all this sexual confusion and psychological issues? There are plenty of quality single guys out there like myself who need a girlfriend. This guy clearly does not have his sh*t together in any way. Why would you want to date someone with all that baggage? That makes no sense to me. 1
kassy Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Until it's becoming an issue in your relationship and not just for other people just keep doing what makes you happy. They will get over their issues with it over time if your relationship survives 2
Author Marieclaire15 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 Btw we're both 15. Forgot to give age sorry my bad.
Author Marieclaire15 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 Why don't you go find yourself a guy who does not have all this sexual confusion and psychological issues? There are plenty of quality single guys out there like myself who need a girlfriend. This guy clearly does not have his sh*t together in any way. Why would you want to date someone with all that baggage? That makes no sense to me. yeah I've thought about if he's not ready due to the fact that all this happened less than a month after we got together. Why I've reconsidered breaking up is because our relationship has gone well so far. I've never actually fallen for a guy ever I actually have with him and Everything I've found out has little to nothing to do with our relationship itself.
Author Marieclaire15 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 Until it's becoming an issue in your relationship and not just for other people just keep doing what makes you happy. They will get over their issues with it over time if your relationship survives EXACTLY! To me I don't see why get rid of something that's going well so far. I rather wait and see since things are going well so far. Plus I feel like he needs support I would rather be supportive than abandon. But it's like we've only been together 2 months at the end of the month. Is that too much to ask this early on? Idk.
Author Marieclaire15 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 I feel less saddened by staying with him than breaking up with him.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Sweetie, you're so young. Too young to be dealing with issues like this. I think this isn't going end well for you. Him being confused about his sexuality is a serious matter that you should care about. I think it would be far healthier for you to be in his life as a supportive friend, but not a girlfriend. You say you're both clean of STIs so I assume you're having sex. Are you using condoms? Do you use any other type of contraception? Please protect yourself from infection (and I would say that to any sexually active person, regardless of sexual orientation) and pregnancy. His issues are serious ones, and sadly you can't do anything to fix them. You can be a shoulder to cry on but again I will repeat I think it's better for you to do this in a friend capacity, not a girlfriend. 2
d0nnivain Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 MarieClaire15 I have a couple of points. 1. Where are YOUR parents in all of this? Talk to them. They should be able to offer you the best advice & insulate you from some of your BF's family drama. You are too young to address whatever sexual abuse your BF previously suffered without adult help. 2. Based on your screen name I am assuming that you are a teenaged girl. If your BF has already announced he's gay or at least confused about his sexuality I suspect he needs you more as a good friend / sounding board then as a GF. If he's truly gay your romance will be short lived at best. 3. When one of your friends doesn't like your SO, it's a personality conflict. When all of your friends encourage ending the relationship give some thought to what they are seeing that you might be missing. I am not saying that you should always do what the crowd wants but when they all have one opinion, give it some thought. They could be wrong but at least think about what they are saying. 1
Author Marieclaire15 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Sweetie, you're so young. Too young to be dealing with issues like this. I think this isn't going end well for you. Him being confused about his sexuality is a serious matter that you should care about. I think it would be far healthier for you to be in his life as a supportive friend, but not a girlfriend. You say you're both clean of STIs so I assume you're having sex. Are you using condoms? Do you use any other type of contraception? Please protect yourself from infection (and I would say that to any sexually active person, regardless of sexual orientation) and pregnancy. His issues are serious ones, and sadly you can't do anything to fix them. You can be a shoulder to cry on but again I will repeat I think it's better for you to do this in a friend capacity, not a girlfriend. I kind of gathered that he might be confused actually that was my mistake. He says he identifies as pansexual. I'm just not familiar with the term. That he knows he's not gay. A part of me feels like I don't know if he's ready for a relationship am I doing him more harm than actually helping being his gf. We've not had sex yet. just been third base. If we ever got to that point we'd use protection. I do feel though it is a bit serious so recent and our relationship just started and hasn't even been 2 months yet.
hasaquestion Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I don't mean to sound patronizing... but at 15 you need to keep your priorities in order. 1. Grades 2. Extracurrics 3. Social life I know its hard to wrap your brain around (it is for all of us at 15). But the first two get you where you need to be in the part of your life that actually counts. No one you date right now is going to be there for the long haul. That's just life. Who started dating their husband or wife at 15? Peter Pan? Right now is about you growing and improving. Its important to be sociable and have fun too. But if you're stressing over whether this guy likes men, or women, or printers, or whatever.... draw the line and look out for yourself. You'll have plenty of opportunities later in life to be saddled with this kind of drama. Its too much to deal with considering how many other things you need to be doing right now. 2
Author Marieclaire15 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 MarieClaire15 I have a couple of points. 1. Where are YOUR parents in all of this? Talk to them. They should be able to offer you the best advice & insulate you from some of your BF's family drama. You are too young to address whatever sexual abuse your BF previously suffered without adult help. 2. Based on your screen name I am assuming that you are a teenaged girl. If your BF has already announced he's gay or at least confused about his sexuality I suspect he needs you more as a good friend / sounding board then as a GF. If he's truly gay your romance will be short lived at best. 3. When one of your friends doesn't like your SO, it's a personality conflict. When all of your friends encourage ending the relationship give some thought to what they are seeing that you might be missing. I am not saying that you should always do what the crowd wants but when they all have one opinion, give it some thought. They could be wrong but at least think about what they are saying. I didn't tell them one because my parents are a little weary about him already. They're old fashioned. Like they are pretty conservative and don't really agree with his family structure in general. And like they totally are prejudice to him because his mom is african American and they stereotype sometimes. I don't really want them to know they'll just use it as leverage on why I should not see him. We've talked earlier today and he explained everything better than before. he told me he wasn't gay. His stepdad said he was but my bf said his stepdad said he was gay out of anger over the separation and divorce and mainly due to the sexual abuse case. My bf told me directly that he knows he's not gay. He told me he's pansexual more simply pansexual I didn't understand the term at first. But basically hes attracted to women and personally I have no issue with him being interested in men I guess. I've actually never known a guy that actually liked both genders but I guess there's a first for everything. The issue with my friends is I agree with them to an extent but I don't want to be judgmental to what he's gone through. It's 50-50 for me. If anything shows another red flag I'm definitely out.
Author Marieclaire15 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 I don't mean to sound patronizing... but at 15 you need to keep your priorities in order. 1. Grades 2. Extracurrics 3. Social life I know its hard to wrap your brain around (it is for all of us at 15). But the first two get you where you need to be in the part of your life that actually counts. No one you date right now is going to be there for the long haul. That's just life. Who started dating their husband or wife at 15? Peter Pan? Right now is about you growing and improving. Its important to be sociable and have fun too. But if you're stressing over whether this guy likes men, or women, or printers, or whatever.... draw the line and look out for yourself. You'll have plenty of opportunities later in life to be saddled with this kind of drama. Its too much to deal with considering how many other things you need to be doing right now. I'm not really worried about his sexuality honestly. We have had encounters and I don't think a gay guy would do half the things he's interested in doing. I just don't want to get into the drama. I want to lay low about our relationship for a while if this can work. That's the only way I feel it has a chance of survival.
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Marieclaire .....I am absolutely amazed at how articulate, perceptive and aware you are at only 15 years of age. Somehow, I think you will be just fine, and any decision you make will be the right decision for you. Good luck hon and wish you the best. 2
Author Marieclaire15 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Marieclaire .....I am absolutely amazed at how articulate, perceptive and aware you are at only 15 years of age. Somehow, I think you will be just fine, and any decision you make will be the right decision for you. Good luck hon and wish you the best. Thanks. I hope I do.
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 The issue with my friends is I agree with them to an extent but I don't want to be judgmental to what he's gone through. It's 50-50 for me. If anything shows another red flag I'm definitely out. Even if your parents don't like him for bogus reasons, they have your best interests at heart & they don't like your BF. Your friends don't like your BF. Seriously when everybody in your life sees red flags except you it's time to reconsider their opinions & think about what you are missing. You two are 15. He's already got a lot of stuff on his plate. Protecting yourself is not being judgmental towards him; it's having a good sense of self. Going forward make the decisions about this relationship that are best for you. I'm not saying be mean or selfish but you can't stay with this boy or worse give your virginity to him because you don't want to hurt his feelings or appear judgmental. 1
Author Marieclaire15 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 Even if your parents don't like him for bogus reasons, they have your best interests at heart & they don't like your BF. Your friends don't like your BF. Seriously when everybody in your life sees red flags except you it's time to reconsider their opinions & think about what you are missing. You two are 15. He's already got a lot of stuff on his plate. Protecting yourself is not being judgmental towards him; it's having a good sense of self. Going forward make the decisions about this relationship that are best for you. I'm not saying be mean or selfish but you can't stay with this boy or worse give your virginity to him because you don't want to hurt his feelings or appear judgmental. I don't know I don't really have anything to judge him for that is the thing. I don't know how I would act out either if I went through something like that. Mostly I think with everything going on hes held up well from what I can tell at leastz
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