Sunyata Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) I don't even know what I want. I grew up in a narcissistic family and I am just starting to feel my own independence as I'm 30. This means that my brain's ability to make judgments on other people and know what it wants is severely underdeveloped. I'm practicing flirting with girls and asking them on dates, but I'm worried I'm projecting all sorts of things onto them. And that as I develop I'll realize I completely saw them wrong, or only "liked them" because I felt the possibility of practicing with them. And then they'll go on dates with me and be like "why did you even take me out?" It's not even about sex. I'd consider sex a good thing because they would have wanted it obviously. But I don't want to waste their time for some selfish self development bull****, but I also need to. Edited January 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted note about wrong forum and merged duplicates ~6
casey.lives Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 you are not in the wrong.. those people are. Dating is a time of trial and error.. a time of exploring opportunities and long enough to see far enough and short enough to keep from hurting a person, 5 -7 dates range. Dating is not a commitment and it's encouraged ... how else are you going to find your person? Don't call people boyfriend or girlfriend until you've passed 90 days.
smackie9 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 You can go out on dates with as many as you want. You are in no way obligated to give them a relationship. It's called casual dating. You enjoy their company, have sex without the intention of exclusivity. As long as you stipulate that you are only interested in casual dating then you are not wasting anyone's time. There are plenty of women out there that do the same thing. 3
Author Sunyata Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 Well it's terrifying because I don't have a clear sense of who I am, and thus don't have hobbies or ideas to talk about. It's still kind of manufactured. And I feel like I don't even know if I like her. I enjoyed talking to her for 5-10 minutes and projected a lot of stuff onto her, when if I were clearer headed I might have been able to see more clearly who she was. And I'm fairly educated and have read a lot of philosophy, which is what we started talking about, and she's not educated. So it doesn't mean I can't like her, but I'm afraid of going over her head too much and it being like "We are from two different ways of looking at the world, why did you bring me out" but again, I could be making this all up! And the only way to get past this is to just do these things and not care about whether they are awkward or whether I'm at fault for something... So I hope my messages to her don't seem to weird (facebook) and who knows... Since she's a friend of a friend maybe they are all laughing about me, but if so then good.
IronZ Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 To you it seems like you've created 2 categories: the girl you like and want to date, and every other girl. So you're concerned about taking "every other girl" on dates because you know you'll never want anything more than to get better at dating. That's where I think you're wrong. You shouldn't predetermine the outcome of any date like that. Dating itself is about meeting new people and seeing how you get along together. Who knows, you may wind up meeting an amazing girl you never knew was out there. I say just go out and date other girls and don't worry about what your intentions are. If it goes well then let it go well.
kassy Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I'd add maybe you should be more focused on finding out who you are? Try out some hobbies see what you like and meet people in general not just dating (but by all means date too). Might solve some of your dating issues if you didn't feel everything was manufactured
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