My unrequited love is getting married and it sucks!

[EternalParadox]

So, about two years ago I met this guy, and hoo boy did I ever fall hard for him! I've literally never met anyone that understood me as well has he does. We spent countless evenings together watching TV, playing video games, and just talking in general. I've never had so much in common with someone before. Not only do we have all the same tastes in media, but also very similar ideas on life, careers, people, sex, relationships; We pretty much clicked on every level. It also doesn't hurt that he's pretty good-looking and has great social skills, so it was kind of impossible for me not to fall for him.

 

But, of course, he already had a long-term girlfriend. They moved in together several months after we met. I was friendly with her, and she was to me, but she's not someone I would really be friends with on my own. We never talked to each other without the guy around as well. Obviously, I don't know what he sees in her. He's actually giving up a lot of life and career goals to be with her, which I guess just means that he really loves her, but I can't shake the thought that I'd be better for him. It also doesn't help that I'm almost positive we would have been together if he hadn't been dating her before he met me.

 

We're so on the same page, he's able to read me like an open book, so I'm pretty certain he knows I like him as more than just a friend. I never expressed my real feelings to him since I knew it wouldn't change anything, and probably would have hurt our friendship more than anything. We did admit to each other that we care about each other a lot. He admitted that he feels the same connection I do, and that he's never clicked with another person the way he does with me.

 

I moved to another city several months ago, and while we still chat sometimes, we don't talk nearly as much as when we were in the same apartment complex. That's made it easier to get over him because I have limited contact, but thinking about him too much still hurts. It is better than the daily struggle of seeing them together though.

 

Anyway, I just found out today over Facebook that they got engaged on Christmas Eve which came as a bit of a blow to me. I guess some selfish part of me was hoping they'd break up and he'd come running to me, haha. It sounds so childish to admit it, but that's how I felt. An engagement is pretty final though, so the odds of that happening are pretty much zilch for awhile anyway. Now I'll also probably have to deal with going to their wedding and pretending to be excited.

 

I'm happy that he's going to be with someone that makes him happy, even if I don't understand it. I've been trying to get over him as best I can, but I'm scared I won't be able to find someone that understands me on the level that he does. Sometimes it feels like the universe is playing a sick joke on me by dropping my ideal man into my lap, but not letting me have him. My friends have tried a couple of times to set me up with other guys, but they've all turned out to be losers, so I'm taking a break from dating for a little while.

 

I guess I just wanted to get some of this off my chest. I already know most people's advice is going to be to forget about him and move on, which is good advice. I just wish I could stop it from hurting so much...

 

Tl;DR: I met a guy, we seemed to be a perfect match for each other, he got engaged to his girlfriend, I'm over here sulking about it like a teenager, haha.

[AspenBaldwin]

Just kill her and get this suffering over with.

 

Nah, I jest, I jest.

[sportygirl89]

My ex and I dated really for 6 months, but officially 4 months. He said you can't fall for someone only dating 4 months. Then gf #3 he got engaged at 4 months. Like you and your ex we were identical personality wise. I've never met someone like him before. After him saying you couldn't fall in love in 4 months (I assume there is potentially a baby on the way). I'm happy for them. While I was pretty certain it was suppossed to be him and I together you can't really change things. It stings, but be happy for them and I think you'll be fine and come out stronger.

[preraph]

Sorry you're going through this. I have been there, of course, as have quite a few of us. One thing I have to burst your bubble about though is that if he'd met you first or not already had a girlfriend, he'd be with you. Put yourself in his shoes. If you had a boyfriend but met someone that was more of a match than you'd ever met before, wouldn't you break up with other one and be with that person? He didn't reciprocate to that extent or he would have. There aren't too many people who won't break up with someone if they truly think they've met someone better. He always had that option. At a bare minimum, if he felt anywhere near what you do, he would have just put the gf in holding pattern and not taken the next step (engagement) to solidify their relationship. That was totally optional. If he had any doubt, you or her, he'd never have done that. He is with who he wants to be with. Maybe he has a brother!

 

Again, sorry. I know it's heartbreaking. I went through this while working with someone every day. I just felt kind of numb for the duration and that made me dull and so I wasted some time I could have been having more fun. So don't let that happen to you. Remember the love you have, you take with you. It isn't anything he imbued you with. You had that love inside you and chose to give it to him. The good news is you can take it with you when you leave and give it to someone else!!

[loveflower]

One thing I have to burst your bubble about though is that if he'd met you first or not already had a girlfriend, he'd be with you. Put yourself in his shoes. If you had a boyfriend but met someone that was more of a match than you'd ever met before, wouldn't you break up with other one and be with that person? He didn't reciprocate to that extent or he would have. There aren't too many people who won't break up with someone if they truly think they've met someone better. He always had that option. At a bare minimum, if he felt anywhere near what you do, he would have just put the gf in holding pattern and not taken the next step (engagement) to solidify their relationship. That was totally optional. If he had any doubt, you or her, he'd never have done that.

 

Agreed!

 

(except maybe if he doesn't know she likes him? or too coward?)

[Gloria25]

sorry you're going through this. I have been there, of course, as have quite a few of us. One thing i have to burst your bubble about though is that if he'd met you first or not already had a girlfriend, he'd be with you. Put yourself in his shoes. If you had a boyfriend but met someone that was more of a match than you'd ever met before, wouldn't you break up with other one and be with that person? He didn't reciprocate to that extent or he would have. There aren't too many people who won't break up with someone if they truly think they've met someone better. He always had that option. at a bare minimum, if he felt anywhere near what you do, he would have just put the gf in holding pattern and not taken the next step (engagement) to solidify their relationship. that was totally optional. If he had any doubt, you or her, he'd never have done that. he is with who he wants to be with.

 

this!!!!!^^^^^^^^^

[whichwayisup]

You need to give up the dream/fantasy and really grieve the loss. He was never yours and I think the crush/unrequited love you had for him has messed you up. He was your friend, a caring guy who offered you platonic friendship and you took it as more.

 

Just distance yourself from him so you can emotionally detach and grieve. Focus on other friends and family, keep busy and be kind to yourself.