boyfriend tells me I look like I'm gaining weight

[lovelifesmile]

Whaaaat?

 

Your boyfriend is INSANE and what he said is not okay. If you choose to stay with him, you're telling him that you are okay with him being critical.

 

Dump him now and focus on your grades.

 

what should I say to him like how do I get him to really understand that I'm hurt or that I'm not for it

[katiegrl]

it's seriously not that easy , at all

 

Why is it not easy?

 

Are you afraid he may get angry, and hurt you? Physically?

 

I think you should tell your mom and dad what he said.

[hippychick3]

what should I say to him like how do I get him to really understand that I'm hurt or that I'm not for it

 

Your job is not to make him understand. Your job is to love yourself and only be with people who respect you and love you for who you are.

 

His criticism is about him, not you. He is not a good boyfriend. You can tell him your reasons for breaking up with him, but he does not need to understand or agree with you.

 

Take care of YOU.

[Buddhist]

me and my boyfriend were talking today and he says “i peeped that you been gaining weight I didn't want to say anything but I know you were going to get mad... then says "you need to slow down on the eating because you know how I feel about big girls.

 

 

meanwhile I'm only 16 and weigh about 115 , how do I respond my feelings are hurt but it seems he just has no remorse on how i feel

 

You realise he's a controlling arse and go get yourself another boyfriend. This isn't a knee-jerk reaction to some guy saying something about weight. You are tiny and he's intimating here that you are putting your relationship in jeopardy because you don't physically conform to his ideal. He needs to grow the hell up and you don't need this kind of pressure on your self esteem. If he has no care for your feelings then take that as a sign he's an unhealthy person. You need to get away from him.

[basil67]

what should I say to him like how do I get him to really understand that I'm hurt or that I'm not for it

 

While I am normally ruthless in how I deal with things like this, I also remember how clueless I was in my teens and how I did appreciate people telling me if I was out of line.

 

I'd tell him that you were really hurt by what he said. I'd also point out that 115 is NOT big. If he's not immediately remorseful, have a discussion about what happens if the two of you were to stay together long term and your body shape matures from a teen into a woman. (Even fit 30yo women don't have the body of a teen) Or you have a baby and get a mommy tummy.

 

Good luck.

[katiegrl]

lovelife .....this is the same guy who gets irrationally mad at you when you fall asleep and also you have posted he often does not speak to you....and with whom you feel emotionally disconnected.

 

And please answer my question, are you afraid he may physically hurt you if you confront him about this?

 

You need to get away from this guy. He is controlling, and your relationship is not healthy and is dangerous IMO.

 

Where are your parents?

 

Please tell them what has been happening.....I am worried for you!

[Lois_Griffin]

So can a guy ever tell a girl he doesn't like that she's getting big?

On what PLANET is 115 pounds considered 'getting big?' The only way this kid's ignorant comment might even make SENSE is if she were 2 feet tall.

 

 

OP, you continually take crap from this little punkass, ask everyone's advice about what to do about it, then do nothing about it anyway, so I'm not sure why you're again seeking advice about this kid?

[katiegrl]

"Little punkass" -- perfect description!

[lovelifesmile]

Why is it not easy?

 

Are you afraid he may get angry, and hurt you? Physically?

 

I think you should tell your mom and dad what he said.

 

it's not about being afraid it's the amount of love and time that has been put in the relationship

[lovelifesmile]

lovelife .....this is the same guy who gets irrationally mad at you when you fall asleep and also you have posted he often does not speak to you....and with whom you feel emotionally disconnected.

 

And please answer my question, are you afraid he may physically hurt you if you confront him about this?

 

You need to get away from this guy. He is controlling, and your relationship is not healthy and is dangerous IMO.

 

Where are your parents?

 

Please tell them what has been happening.....I am worried for you!

 

I'm fine... he's the best boyfriend I could have ever asked for im not afraid he doesn't show me that I need to be afraid it's just in the relationship we have ups and downs

[katiegrl]

it's not about being afraid it's the amount of love and time that has been put in the relationship

 

Well, if you are constantly walking on eggshells, afraid (and yes you are afraid) to communicate with him when he does or says things that hurt you, it won't matter how much "love" or "time" has been put in......the *relationship* will remain unhealthy, unbalanced, and eventually toxic for both of you.

 

Your choice hun.

 

Good luck.

[losangelena]

Wait, I remember this guy now, the one who says if you love him you'd give him a blow job.

 

OP, it might feel as if you have put a lot of time and effort into this, but by all accounts, this guy is just not ... great. He certainly doesn't sound very sensitive. I know you must love him and care for him, but even by teenaged boy standards, I feel like you could find someone a little less jerky. He just sounds more frustrating that anything.

[katiegrl]

 

 

 

**Wait, I remember this guy now, the one who says if you love him you'd give him a blow job. ***

 

 

 

 

OP, it might feel as if you have put a lot of time and effort into this, but by all accounts, this guy is just not ... great. He certainly doesn't sound very sensitive. I know you must love him and care for him, but even by teenaged boy standards, I feel like you could find someone a little less jerky. He just sounds more frustrating that anything.

 

Oh good lord, that is horrible! He is also the guy who gets irrationally angry when she falls asleep.

 

He also insists on not speaking to her whenever he doesn't feel like it.

 

She has posted she feels disconnected.

 

OP, I am curious. Why do like/love this as*hole?

 

Have your parents met him?

[Vilgefoz]

Oh sweetie, you are with a jerk.

 

No guy should ever say such a thing to you. Please have a pint of your favorite ice cream and dump this guy asap!

 

This is one of the worst things I have read here

 

a) one of primary female attributes is beauty. And yes, physical beauty is represented by bodyshape. You can't change your genes but you can change quality of your muscle and amount of fat. Don't tell me there is anything "unfair" about it. Weight does not matter, the question is - how you look. I am sure her boyfriend does not peek onto her weight measuring machine, he just took a look and what he saw he did not to like.

 

b) Above all, it's above health! Personally, I would never respect woman who does not respect her own health. It's not just about added weight. Increasing weight means something is not right with your metabolism and your way of life. Bad nutrition composition? Lack of healthy exercise? Stress? Bad sleep?

 

c) look at any media and tell me which media does not promote nice bodyshape? Woman who disregards her bodyshape is the very same as man who disregards his career, employment/business value. Better to avoid. As a partner.

 

 

d) and lastly: it's really funny how people come here with problem like "my boyfriend struggles to tie his shoes" and the usual reaction is "Red flag!! Dump him!! I am telling you, you can do better!" I feel bitterness behind this.

 

 

I had a girl who started to gain fat too. She had very nice, cute child-like look and out of sudden her natural charm started to vanish because of her progressive bodyshape lost... I told her why I did not like that, told her exactly what I listed above - it's unhealthy, irresponsible, unpopular, I like her because of her charisma and she is loosing it and she should so smt about it... Her reaction? She was smart student of medicine, not crazy cat lady. She did accept my attitude and got back in shape. Ever since then everything was OK.

Edited December 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed part of post that was off topic

[Vilgefoz]

Wild guess she has no self esteem?

 

Another wild guess: Insecurity. Instead of calling people jerks and sending them to hell you should work on what makes you insecure and why people don't like what they see.

 

Or in case of diet, join Fat and Proud club. But d not ever leave the place, because of you do, you will have to face harsh reality of the world again. And judging from your reactions I am not convinced you are prepared for this.

[MidwestUSA]

This is one of the worst things I have read here

 

a) one of primary female attributes is beauty. And yes, physical beauty is represented by bodyshape. You can't change your genes but you can change quality of your muscle and amount of fat. Don't tell me there is anything "unfair" about it. Weight does not matter, the question is - how you look. I am sure her boyfriend does not peek onto her weight measuring machine, he just took a look and what he saw he did not to like.

 

b) Above all, it's above health! Personally, I would never respect woman who does not respect her own health. It's not just about added weight. Increasing weight means something is not right with your metabolism and your way of life. Bad nutrition composition? Lack of healthy exercise? Stress? Bad sleep?

 

c) look at any media and tell me which media does not promote nice bodyshape? Woman who disregards her bodyshape is the very same as man who disregards his career, employment/business value. Better to avoid. As a partner.

 

 

d) and lastly: it's really funny how people come here with problem like "my boyfriend struggles to tie his shoes" and the usual reaction is "Red flag!! Dump him!! I am telling you, you can do better!" I feel bitterness behind this.

 

 

I had a girl who started to gain fat too. She had very nice, cute child-like look and out of sudden her natural charm started to vanish because of her progressive bodyshape lost... I told her why I did not like that, told her exactly what I listed above - it's unhealthy, irresponsible, unpopular, I like her because of her charisma and she is loosing it and she should so smt about it... Her reaction? She was smart student of medicine, not crazy cat lady. She did accept my attitude and got back in shape. Ever since then everything was OK.

 

 

Hint for you ladies: Before you start to tell people what to do, THINK first. Once you have developed your thought, DISCUSS IT. and make conclusions (such as "it's a douche. Dump him! BUUURN HIM!!!) after solid amount of evaluated fact then start making DECISIONS. Not on the reverse order.

 

 

 

You see men? This is exact reason why you should never date bitter and silly woman. She will put you down at first occasion or will listening to advice like this.

 

 

Dude, she's 16 years old, and weighs 115 pounds. She hasn't lost her baby fat yet, and hasn't had time to put her body thru hell.

 

And this is just one of a number of controlling things this guy is trying to pull with her.

 

Even so, she's asking for advise on how he approached the issue, which was like a jackass.

 

Read up before you speak.

[MidwestUSA]

Another wild guess: Insecurity. Instead of calling people jerks and sending them to hell you should work on what makes you insecure and why people don't like what they see.

 

Or in case of diet, join Fat and Proud club. But d not ever leave the place, because of you do, you will have to face harsh reality of the world again. And judging from your reactions I am not convinced you are prepared for this.

 

She's not out of high school yet, FFS!

[losangelena]

This is one of the worst things I have read here

 

a) one of primary female attributes is beauty. And yes, physical beauty is represented by bodyshape. You can't change your genes but you can change quality of your muscle and amount of fat. Don't tell me there is anything "unfair" about it. Weight does not matter, the question is - how you look. I am sure her boyfriend does not peek onto her weight measuring machine, he just took a look and what he saw he did not to like.

 

b) Above all, it's above health! Personally, I would never respect woman who does not respect her own health. It's not just about added weight. Increasing weight means something is not right with your metabolism and your way of life. Bad nutrition composition? Lack of healthy exercise? Stress? Bad sleep?

 

c) look at any media and tell me which media does not promote nice bodyshape? Woman who disregards her bodyshape is the very same as man who disregards his career, employment/business value. Better to avoid. As a partner.

 

 

d) and lastly: it's really funny how people come here with problem like "my boyfriend struggles to tie his shoes" and the usual reaction is "Red flag!! Dump him!! I am telling you, you can do better!" I feel bitterness behind this.

 

 

I had a girl who started to gain fat too. She had very nice, cute child-like look and out of sudden her natural charm started to vanish because of her progressive bodyshape lost... I told her why I did not like that, told her exactly what I listed above - it's unhealthy, irresponsible, unpopular, I like her because of her charisma and she is loosing it and she should so smt about it... Her reaction? She was smart student of medicine, not crazy cat lady. She did accept my attitude and got back in shape. Ever since then everything was OK.

 

 

Hint for you ladies: Before you start to tell people what to do, THINK first. Once you have developed your thought, DISCUSS IT. and make conclusions (such as "it's a douche. Dump him! BUUURN HIM!!!) after solid amount of evaluated fact then start making DECISIONS. Not on the reverse order.

 

 

 

You see men? This is exact reason why you should never date bitter and silly woman. She will put you down at first occasion or will listening to advice like this.

 

OK ... while you make some good points in your post, it's important to keep things in context. This is a 16-year-old girl with a 115-pound body. You're sitting here talking about body shapes and composition? She is not even an adult yet, her body is still developing.

 

Never mind that, based on other threads she's written, it sounds like her teenaged boyfriend is an immature bully who routinely says hurtful and inappropriate things to her. At this moment, that is a bigger issue that OP's weight, if she's even gaining weight.

[hippychick3]

This is one of the worst things I have read here

 

a) one of primary female attributes is beauty. And yes, physical beauty is represented by bodyshape. You can't change your genes but you can change quality of your muscle and amount of fat. Don't tell me there is anything "unfair" about it. Weight does not matter, the question is - how you look. I am sure her boyfriend does not peek onto her weight measuring machine, he just took a look and what he saw he did not to like.

 

b) Above all, it's above health! Personally, I would never respect woman who does not respect her own health. It's not just about added weight. Increasing weight means something is not right with your metabolism and your way of life. Bad nutrition composition? Lack of healthy exercise? Stress? Bad sleep?

 

c) look at any media and tell me which media does not promote nice bodyshape? Woman who disregards her bodyshape is the very same as man who disregards his career, employment/business value. Better to avoid. As a partner.

 

 

d) and lastly: it's really funny how people come here with problem like "my boyfriend struggles to tie his shoes" and the usual reaction is "Red flag!! Dump him!! I am telling you, you can do better!" I feel bitterness behind this.

 

 

I had a girl who started to gain fat too. She had very nice, cute child-like look and out of sudden her natural charm started to vanish because of her progressive bodyshape lost... I told her why I did not like that, told her exactly what I listed above - it's unhealthy, irresponsible, unpopular, I like her because of her charisma and she is loosing it and she should so smt about it... Her reaction? She was smart student of medicine, not crazy cat lady. She did accept my attitude and got back in shape. Ever since then everything was OK.

 

 

Hint for you ladies: Before you start to tell people what to do, THINK first. Once you have developed your thought, DISCUSS IT. and make conclusions (such as "it's a douche. Dump him! BUUURN HIM!!!) after solid amount of evaluated fact then start making DECISIONS. Not on the reverse order.

 

 

 

You see men? This is exact reason why you should never date bitter and silly woman. She will put you down at first occasion or will listening to advice like this.

 

Are you crazy???

 

This girl is 16 and weighs 115 lbs!!

 

Yeah, her boyfriend IS a jerk.

[Vilgefoz]

Dude, she's 16 years old, and weighs 115 pounds. She hasn't lost her baby fat yet, and hasn't had time to put her body thru hell.

 

And this is just one of a number of controlling things this guy is trying to pull with her.

 

Even so, she's asking for advise on how he approached the issue, which was like a jackass.

 

Read up before you speak.

 

I do admit comments made me mad for a while.

 

I have been training for many years, trained a lot of people and encountered ignorance of people who damage their health on purpose. Culture that defends such behavior makes me feel uneasy and that I don't want to be part of it.

 

 

Guy said perfectly reasonable and polite sentence "you need to slow down on the eating because you know how I feel about big girls.". What else to be said? As any young male what he things about getting fat. You might as well be single until mid 30s, because that is the age when males stop caring for female's look...

 

She is healthy 16 y.o. girl. Whatever she does now reflects in the rest of her life. The question is her mentality now - both health related "am I going to be responsible towards my health" and relationship related "am I going to be insecure person or am I going to face reality and judge what is good and bad for both of us, not just my ego?".

 

 

Ok, I feel uneasy again. It is time to stop this conversation now.

[MidwestUSA]

I do admit comments made me mad for a while.

 

I have been training for many years, trained a lot of people and encountered ignorance of people who damage their health on purpose. Culture that defends such behavior makes me feel uneasy and that I don't want to be part of it.

 

 

Guy said perfectly reasonable and polite sentence "you need to slow down on the eating because you know how I feel about big girls.". What else to be said? As any young male what he things about getting fat. You might as well be single until mid 30s, because that is the age when males stop caring for female's look...

 

She is healthy 16 y.o. girl. Whatever she does now reflects in the rest of her life. The question is her mentality now - both health related "am I going to be responsible towards my health" and relationship related "am I going to be insecure person or am I going to face reality and judge what is good and bad for both of us, not just my ego?".

 

 

Ok, I feel uneasy again. It is time to stop this conversation now.

 

No need for us to stop, it's a chance for you to practice empathy. Do you really believe the way he approached her was appropriate (even if weight was a issue, which it's not)?

 

He isn't worried about her health. Using the term 'big girls'? Do you have trouble with women or do we just have a cultural difference here?

[hippychick3]

I do admit comments made me mad for a while.

 

I have been training for many years, trained a lot of people and encountered ignorance of people who damage their health on purpose. Culture that defends such behavior makes me feel uneasy and that I don't want to be part of it.

 

 

Guy said perfectly reasonable and polite sentence "you need to slow down on the eating because you know how I feel about big girls.". What else to be said? As any young male what he things about getting fat. You might as well be single until mid 30s, because that is the age when males stop caring for female's look...

 

She is healthy 16 y.o. girl. Whatever she does now reflects in the rest of her life. The question is her mentality now - both health related "am I going to be responsible towards my health" and relationship related "am I going to be insecure person or am I going to face reality and judge what is good and bad for both of us, not just my ego?".

 

 

Ok, I feel uneasy again. It is time to stop this conversation now.

 

She weighs 115 lbs. She clearly does not have to fix her health.

 

She does, however, need to face reality and judge what is good and bad for HER which should lead her to DUMPING HER BOYFRIEND as soon as possible.

[losangelena]

She is healthy 16 y.o. girl. Whatever she does now reflects in the rest of her life. The question is her mentality now - both health related "am I going to be responsible towards my health" and relationship related "am I going to be insecure person or am I going to face reality and judge what is good and bad for both of us, not just my ego?".

 

But what about his ego? First of all, we don't even know IF she's putting on weight. This is not a discussion about OP's perceived lifestyle—we know NOTHING about her eating and exercise habits, the condition of her heart, cholesterol, blood pressure, anything. This is about her BF sounding like a big bully and his continued insistence on saying inappropriate things and treating her badly. I don't see how his accumulated behavior is helping to foster a mutually-beneficial relationship for the both of them. Click through to OP's profile and go have a read.

 

I totally agree that she needn't follow the advice to down a pint of ice cream, but I think that was a figure of speech more than anything else.

 

There are places on this forum if you want a platform about women's health choices and how they impact their relationships. This particular thread is not the place for it, however.

[zef]

it's seriously not that easy , at all

 

your boyfriend has exhibited a pattern of controlling behavior shown in your previous threads. youve been told the obvious, to break up, but youve refused over and over. it's all on you. whats too bad is you may end up learning the hard way. this thread is a perfect example of why id not allow my kids to date before 18.

[No_Go]

On your point a): since when ? I probably missed that lesson in high school I think my primary attributes as a relationship partner are dependability and reliability; on top I had spent 12+ years obtaining various degrees and I'm a professional. Beauty (btw I do think I have it ) is soooo much down on the list of human (female) attributes

 

Agreed for b): BMI should be <25 unless she's a bodybuilder with excess of muscle mass

 

C) is true and I think it should be! We're going for perfection!

 

D) is hilarious

 

 

This is one of the worst things I have read here

 

a) one of primary female attributes is beauty. And yes, physical beauty is represented by bodyshape. You can't change your genes but you can change quality of your muscle and amount of fat. Don't tell me there is anything "unfair" about it. Weight does not matter, the question is - how you look. I am sure her boyfriend does not peek onto her weight measuring machine, he just took a look and what he saw he did not to like.

 

b) Above all, it's above health! Personally, I would never respect woman who does not respect her own health. It's not just about added weight. Increasing weight means something is not right with your metabolism and your way of life. Bad nutrition composition? Lack of healthy exercise? Stress? Bad sleep?

 

c) look at any media and tell me which media does not promote nice bodyshape? Woman who disregards her bodyshape is the very same as man who disregards his career, employment/business value. Better to avoid. As a partner.

 

 

d) and lastly: it's really funny how people come here with problem like "my boyfriend struggles to tie his shoes" and the usual reaction is "Red flag!! Dump him!! I am telling you, you can do better!" I feel bitterness behind this.

 

 

I had a girl who started to gain fat too. She had very nice, cute child-like look and out of sudden her natural charm started to vanish because of her progressive bodyshape lost... I told her why I did not like that, told her exactly what I listed above - it's unhealthy, irresponsible, unpopular, I like her because of her charisma and she is loosing it and she should so smt about it... Her reaction? She was smart student of medicine, not crazy cat lady. She did accept my attitude and got back in shape. Ever since then everything was OK.

 

 

Hint for you ladies: Before you start to tell people what to do, THINK first. Once you have developed your thought, DISCUSS IT. and make conclusions (such as "it's a douche. Dump him! BUUURN HIM!!!) after solid amount of evaluated fact then start making DECISIONS. Not on the reverse order.

 

 

 

You see men? This is exact reason why you should never date bitter and silly woman. She will put you down at first occasion or will listening to advice like this.