MzLady Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Hi everyone... your thoughts on whether or not I was reading too much into something or if his behavior is perfectly normal? I've had terrible relationships with narcissistic men who played mind games and blamed me for everything and didn't own up to anything... and started to see signs the guy I just started dating may be another one... 1. He pushed for us to be exclusive after our first date, but didn't want to put a "label" on it 2. On our 2nd date, he told me that if our relationship failed, it would be my fault (already setting me up for blame) 3. He said he wanted to move forward with me at 150%, but when I said if he plans on being in my life like that, he should plan on meeting my 19 yr old son, he said he wasn't ready 4. He put a lot of pressure on me for sex right away (which I didn't give into).. again stating the 150 thing.. but still didn't want to meet my son (who lives at home & goes to school) 5. I asked him his last name and he gave me every reason under the sun with excuses like "That's a trust thing, and trust has to be earned".. "Because you want to know, I'm not telling you right now.." 6. That was extremely hurtful to me because he's telling me to take a leap of faith and trust him... but he doesn't trust me? (btw... he eventually told me his last name) 7. We made plans to see a movie together, then he disappears on me one night. The next morning, I get a text picture of him and his cousin at the theater... he went with out me saying that his cousin surprised him. I still feel like he could have told me he was going to go and not just disappeared on me 8. He then says he wants to see me.. I say ok and confirm with him that I'll see him that evening at 10am. 7:30pm comes around and I get a call from him and he's telling me I've gone ghost on him. That I could have texted him. That I shouldn't worry about coming across as needy and that I should text him whenever I want... 9. He comes over.. there's no affection. No arm around me. No attempt to kiss me. Just sits on the couch.. 10. He says we should still go see the movie together and to look up the times for Saturday. I look up the times and we decide on the time so I say ok and put my phone down. He then tells me he feels like I should buy the tickets (by this time, we've gone to a happy hour once.. that's it.. no other dates where he has spent $) 11. I tell him ok, I'll get the tickets, but felt it was kind of crappy of him to do since he invited me to the movie. 12. Next day he's supposed to pick me up for the movie and he texts me and says he wants to meet me there because he's running late. I asked if all was ok? And he calls me and says that he would still pick me up and that if we miss it, he'll get the next show. I said ok to this, and then he says "that's not a typical response..... most girls would say don't worry about it" I told him that I'm not broke or anything, but it is Christmas and I'd just spent a lot of $ on gifts, plus I had to pay $600 to fix my son's car just a few weeks ago. Things were just a little tight for me this month. 13. We make it to the movie on time, and afterward, he stops at an ATM and gives me the $ back for the movie. I told him don't worry about it, but he insisted. So I took it... I guess he felt guilty? 14. We went back to my house after the movie, and again, no affection. We watch TV on the couch like strangers. Doesn't put his arm around me or anything. When he leaves, he doesn't even kiss me goodbye.. just a hug. 15. The following day he doesn't text me good morning like usual. So I text him good morning... 2 hrs later he texts back good morning. 4 hrs later, no other word from him, so I text him "thinkin of u"... no response.. 6pm comes around and I'm like okkkk... wtf? So I say "Whose going ghost now? lol" never responded. This from the guy who got on me for NOT texting him enough? 16. By the next morning, I figured I would at least have a text from him.. but there was nothing. That was the last straw for me. He would tell me things like don't worry about things being "equal" and that he wasn't going anywhere. That things would work out. But it's ok for him to make sure who's paying for a date "equal," it's ok for him to pressure me about sex, but when I say I'm not ready, it's me holding up the relationship.. but he doesn't want to meet my son, even though we're going "150". It's ok for him to disappear on me for a day... but I don't text for a couple of hours and I'm going ghost on him. So when he disappeared on me on Sunday, ignoring my texts, I felt like he's into playing head games. It felt like he was wanting to get me into a place where I was chasing him, paying for our dates, and following his rules. So I let him go. Does anyone think I over-reacted? Were these red flags? I keep thinking maybe I acted hastily, but it just seemed like so many things were becoming very one-sided very quickly, and I do not want to go down that road again. You're thoughts are greatly appreaciated.
hippychick3 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Wow...there are so many things wrong with this post. But, I will start with this: why the hell would you want a man you just met to meet your son?? Who cares what lines he fed you (150...um, please have enough common sense to see through b.s.)? You are a parent and even if your son is an adult, save the introductions for men who have been in your life for a considerable amount of time and have shown you that they are trustworthy, loyal, and likely to be in your life long term. Red flags everywhere. I would say the ONLY thing he did right was refusing to meet your son. You moved too fast in such a short time. At this point, you should have gone on maybe 1-2 NONHOUSE dates as you slowly got to know each other. 5
sin miedo Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Two weeks of dating and you already have a laundry list of issues?? Run, run, run. GTFO of there!! 4
ExpatInItaly Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Good heavens, surely you don't need confirmation from us that these are all red flags?! Sounds like a whackjob. Or married. 3
Author MzLady Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 As far as my son, I should explain I really didn't want him to meet my son.. it was just more of gauging where his head was at. So when he said not yet... I was like.. ok.. he's not really in this like he says. If he would have said yes, then I would have felt like he was serious. Unfortunately, I've had some really bad mind games played on me, and I felt like he was throwing them at me no holds barred. That's why I let it go after 2 weeks... too much too soon. But I'm glad I didn't over-react. It makes it a lot easier to walk away knowing that I did it for the right reasons.
Author MzLady Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 Good heavens, surely you don't need confirmation from us that these are all red flags?! Sounds like a whackjob. Or married. LOL...ExpatInItaly... that's the problem with head games... they make you think you're the problem and you start to second guess yourself. So it's great that I can come on here and do a sanity check 2
LydiaLong Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Dear, there are more red flags than you'd see at a bullfight. Move on. Get someone else. 4
hippychick3 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 As far as my son, I should explain I really didn't want him to meet my son.. it was just more of gauging where his head was at. So when he said not yet... I was like.. ok.. he's not really in this like he says. If he would have said yes, then I would have felt like he was serious. Unfortunately, I've had some really bad mind games played on me, and I felt like he was throwing them at me no holds barred. That's why I let it go after 2 weeks... too much too soon. But I'm glad I didn't over-react. It makes it a lot easier to walk away knowing that I did it for the right reasons. Any sensible man would not want to meet your son so soon. It's not an accurate gauge of his sincerity or "seriousness" at such an early stage. 1
Ic1 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) Run, run, run. GTFO of there!! I agree. This man is possibly dangerous, but also 150% a poor choice. Edited December 27, 2015 by Ic1 3
Author MzLady Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 Thank you I was starting to second guess my decision. 1
TheArtist Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Get out before he offers to show you where his last girlfriend is buried. By the way you don't look anywhere NEAR old enough for a 19 year old son! 1
Author MzLady Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 Thank you artist And thank you to those who replied, it's very much appreciated. 1
The Way I Am Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I got to #5 before I couldn't take even reading anymore. He sounds like he's trying to create a false sense of intimacy to manipulate you. You're 100% - I mean 150% - right to be done with him. 4
Redfisher Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Wtf.... Won't tell you his last name?!?! Dude is off his rocker. Kick him in the McNuggets..... 3
planb1973 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 How men like that even make it to a happy hour date I will never know. And every time from now on that I have relationship issues I will re read your list and remember my GF is awesome, I am awesome, and you are awesome for kicking him to the curb. 1
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 What is a pretty girl like you doing with a loser like this? Look at you! You can pick any man you want! on to the next ! 2
Author MzLady Posted January 1, 2016 Author Posted January 1, 2016 Just an update.. Haven't heard from him since 12/22.. When I let him go. Then today I wake up to a text from him "Happy New Year brat. May the force be with you" (We're both big Star Wars fans.. And that's the movie he went to see without me). Anyway.. Just brothers me that he even texted me. I was doing great with the whole NC thing.. Feels like this reset my clock though.. Just got comfortable with not hearing from him and then he goes and messes it up lol.. Back to Day 1.. Just needed to vent.. Happy New Year my Loveshack friends.. May we all find the peace and love we are searching for 1
Buddhist Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 I have no idea why there was ever a third date. I don't know if he's a narcissist but he's definitely an arse. Don't waste your time here. If you really want to kick the abusive relationship habit you'll need to stay out of the dating arena for a while and answer the question on why you entertain men who clearly try and push their own agenda without regard to you at all.
luvkitties Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 You didn't break NC, he did. Can you block his number?
Author MzLady Posted January 1, 2016 Author Posted January 1, 2016 Buddhist, I couldn't agree more. I met him online, and decided I needed a break from it all. So I deleted my profile that same day. As far as breaking NC, he texted me just as I was starting to not think about him... Now I'm thinking about it again.. Dang it
katiegrl Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 Just an update.. Haven't heard from him since 12/22.. When I let him go. Then today I wake up to a text from him "Happy New Year brat. May the force be with you" (We're both big Star Wars fans.. And that's the movie he went to see without me). Anyway.. Just brothers me that he even texted me. *****I was doing great with the whole NC thing.. Feels like this reset my clock though.. Just got comfortable with not hearing from him and then he goes and messes it up lol.. Back to Day 1.. Just needed to vent.. Happy New Year my Loveshack friends.. May we all find the peace and love we are searching for I have posted this before, but this is precisely why you BLOCK someone after you make the decision to stop seeing them! To avoid your having to "reset your clock" whenever he decides to toss you his scraps. Had you blocked, you never would have received his text...and would have continued no contact and moving forward. I ended my six year relationship a couple of weeks ago and I immediately blocked. I have no idea whether he contacted me over the holidays or not ....because he is blocked. I know had I received a text or call from him....like you it would have set me back preventing me from moving on and forward. So my advice would be to not respond and block him now ... so you can heal and move on. And Happy New Year to you too!
Author MzLady Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 How men like that even make it to a happy hour date I will never know. And every time from now on that I have relationship issues I will re read your list and remember my GF is awesome, I am awesome, and you are awesome for kicking him to the curb. LOL.. I'm glad I could help planb. I don't know why I attract these kinds of guys. Maybe some counseling is in order? It's really frustrating to say the least. Happy New Year
Gaeta Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 LOL.. I'm glad I could help planb. I don't know why I attract these kinds of guys. Maybe some counseling is in order? It's really frustrating to say the least. Happy New Year Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. You are simply not ready to settle in a relationship. You have the 'too many men - too little time' syndrome. That's alright, it will pass.
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