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The guy ignores me for 3 days

Stephanie91

By Stephanie91
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Qboro90 Established Member

Qboro90

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He doesn't know about me dating someone else for a short period of time, if he did he would probably even more jealous and obnoxious...and I started liking more after sexual intimacy, if you must know, lol. Made him wait for 3 months...

 

Wait a sec, people, before you throw all the stones at me, let me explain...I started dating 2 guys at the same time, one of those guys was him. So i dated them both for about 3-4 months or so but never had sex with any of them...during that time I realized I liked this one better so I became exclusive with him. He's told me he hasn't seen anyone cept me either. So I wasn't cheating, plus you're not considered a cheater unless you're committed to someone/engaged...but he is a liar, yes.

 

 

So if you don't feel like it was cheating call him up and tell him. Shouldn't be a problem. You know it wasn't morally the right thing to do and wouldn't have wanted him to have done that to you. Still haven't told us how often you see one another and the dynamic of your relationship. This keeps making it appear like there's way more to things

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Stephanie91 Established Member

Stephanie91

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So if you don't feel like it was cheating call him up and tell him. Shouldn't be a problem. You know it wasn't morally the right thing to do and wouldn't have wanted him to have done that to you. Still haven't told us how often you see one another and the dynamic of your relationship. This keeps making it appear like there's way more to things

Nothing wrong with dating rotation, unless you're engaged/married/living together. Is it selfish? Yes. Though I am not seeing anyone but him for the last few months...we see each other every week, sometimes twice a week, we live in different counties and have tough schedules.

Qboro90 Established Member

Qboro90

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Nothing wrong with dating rotation, unless you're engaged/married/living together. Is it selfish? Yes. Though I am not seeing anyone but him for the last few months...we see each other every week, sometimes twice a week, we live in different counties and have tough schedules.

 

Don't you think mentioning the fact that you live in different counties would be important? Lol. Kind of a major factor.

 

You live in different counties but you see each other twice a week? So your leaving the country back and forth every single week? Cmon. What's the deal here. Makes no sense

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Stephanie91 Established Member

Stephanie91

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Don't you think mentioning the fact that you live in different counties would be important? Lol. Kind of a major factor.

 

You live in different counties but you see each other twice a week? So your leaving the country back and forth every single week? Cmon. What's the deal here. Makes no sense

He works in my city so he's the one doing all the driving and sometimes we meet in the middle...it's like 2 hrs drive

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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I think this relationship isn't going to be The One for you, OP.

 

There's already too much drama. Breaking up with him because he's jealous and insecure is a bad sign when the relationship is so young. Him ignoring you for 3 days is also a bad sign, especially when he comes back with a clearly BS excuse that he "didn't notice" you'd called. Please. He noticed. That sets a bad precedent for future behaviour. What was he doing all weekend?

 

Also, can you clarify whether or not he thought you were seeing only him in the first couple months? I understand that people multi-date and don't necessarily think it's a bad thing in the beginning. But it depends whether or not he was under the assumption he was the only guy - was he?

 

I think in the end the troubles you're already having at less than a year of dating indicate this isn't a good match anymore.

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AspenBaldwin Established Member

AspenBaldwin

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Don't freak out, he has a life besides you. Don't be so controlling. Maybe he had a bad time at sth work related and needs space to work it out.

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Xiomn Established Member

Xiomn

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And I have called 8 times and left 4 text messages still no response.

 

 

Momentarily stopped reading here.

 

What the hell, that's crazy OP. :confused:

 

 

Also, OP sounds like a 13 year old.

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Stephanie91 Established Member

Stephanie91

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I think this relationship isn't going to be The One for you, OP.

 

There's already too much drama. Breaking up with him because he's jealous and insecure is a bad sign when the relationship is so young. Him ignoring you for 3 days is also a bad sign, especially when he comes back with a clearly BS excuse that he "didn't notice" you'd called. Please. He noticed. That sets a bad precedent for future behaviour. What was he doing all weekend?

 

Also, can you clarify whether or not he thought you were seeing only him in the first couple months? I understand that people multi-date and don't necessarily think it's a bad thing in the beginning. But it depends whether or not he was under the assumption he was the only guy - was he?

 

I think in the end the troubles you're already having at less than a year of dating indicate this isn't a good match anymore.

There's always too much drama in any relationship...if there's nothing then someone's suffering alone.

Edited by Stephanie91
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Stephanie91 Established Member

Stephanie91

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It may not be perfect and full of challenges but when there are feelings involved you don't just cut it off so easily and move on. The whole moving on thing when you're so in love with that person and can't stop thinking about them is stupid. You're only breaking your own heart by walking away and you're actually not "moving on" you're suffering alone til you get sick of it. I know women who stay in truly abusive relationships, like there's beating, cheating, verbal and emotional abuse, sexual rejection and etc, yet these women when asked for an advice get really black and white and preach leaving the man you're with. Makes me wonder why don't they follow their own brilliant advice then? Why not? Well because it's not easy to jut walk away after putting so much effort, time and energy and tears into one person. And unless that person is clearly rejecting you by breaking up or refusing to see you, there's no reason to be so critical. Once again, life is not black and white and not everything has clear-cut answers and panacea. Some things require patience, resilience and time. Things that you define as worthwhile. This man for me is worth it, and he's worth more than all the effort i've made so far. I have not and will not listen to anyone who advises me to walk away ESPECIALLY if those people don't really care about me and they don't have to live with the sad consequences and suffering afterwards. Thanks for the inputs you guys, and try not to be so radical when it comes to heart and feelings. I am sure you're not so radical when it comes to your own love life, I am sure you're more flexible and not so quick to walk away...it's just cool to be so rational online, I get it. I played that once too....

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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There's always too much drama in any relationship...if there's nothing then someone's suffering alone.

 

I'm sorry this is your experience, but this is simply an over-generalization and inaccurate. Plenty of couples have relatively drama-free relationships, and when conflict does arise, it's worked out through mature communication. If one person is suffering alone, that person needs to improve their communication skills and chose partners who are mindful of their needs.

 

If too much drama is a pattern in your relationships, it's worth examining what role you're playing in that. It takes two to tango. Do you have a history of volatile relationships?

 

And before you jump to conclusions, I too have been involved in relationships like the one you're describing. But with age and time, I grew up and started making changes to better suit my needs. It's not easy to walk away, but who said it was?

 

You teach people how to treat you.

Edited by ExpatInItaly
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Stephanie91 Established Member

Stephanie91

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I'm sorry this is your experience, but this is simply an over-generalization and inaccurate. Plenty of couples have relatively drama-free relationships, and when conflict does arise, it's worked out through mature communication. If one person is suffering alone, that person needs to improve their communication skills and chose partners who are mindful of their needs.

 

If too much drama is a pattern in your relationships, it's worth examining what role you're playing in that. It takes two to tango. Do you have a history of volatile relationships?

 

And before you jump to conclusions, I too have been involved in relationships like the one you're describing. But with age and time, I grew up and started making changes to better suit my needs. It's not easy to walk away, but who said it was?

 

You teach people how to treat you.

When you say "my needs" I interpret it this way: my needs include to be with the person I want. Yes, I can start dating someone else by next week or so, who will probably be easier, live closer or even commit faster, but if it's not him then it's not happiness, it's just contentment. It's not exactly satisfying my needs. At least how I view it... To me walking away is last resort, only when there's absolutely nothing to hold on to or when someone breaks up with me. Or when I don't really like the guy and I know i won't suffer if he goes. But to be so quick to put a period to an ongoing feeling is immature, impatient and neurotic. I don't want to live my life regretting my decisions or thinking "what if I waited"...I don't need a ring or a commitment from someone I don't have feelings for, from someone other than him. My goal is not to make someone commit, but to find true happiness with the guy I choose. In other words I would rather lose my pride to someone I love than to lose someone I love to my pride

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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When you say "my needs" I interpret it this way: my needs include to be with the person I want. Yes, I can start dating someone else by next week or so, who will probably be easier, live closer or even commit faster, but if it's not him then it's not happiness, it's just contentment. It's not exactly satisfying my needs. At least how I view it... To me walking away is last resort, only when there's absolutely nothing to hold on to or when someone breaks up with me. Or when I don't really like the guy and I know i won't suffer if he goes. But to be so quick to put a period to an ongoing feeling is immature, impatient and neurotic. I don't want to live my life regretting my decisions or thinking "what if I waited"...I don't need a ring or a commitment from someone I don't have feelings for, from someone other than him. My goal is not to make someone commit, but to find true happiness with the guy I choose. In other words I would rather lose my pride to someone I love than to lose someone I love to my pride

 

That's all well and good. But what about your need to be respected as an equal partner? You already stated he insulted your intelligence by saying he'd tried calling you back, saying he "didn't notice" you'd called. So clearly something isn't working in this equation.

 

Anyway, you need to have a very honest conversation with him. Let him know how this extended silence makes you feel. It felt pretty awful, no? Explain why you felt this way. He will probably also need you to calm down and not panic when you don't hear back from him immediately. I sense his reluctance to get back to you and his flimsy explanation for why he didn't call is related to your reaction. Not a very mature approach to resolving conflict. If he is irritated by your barrage of messages and calls, he needs to tell you that. If he is having doubts about the relationship, it's only fair to communicate that to you. If wants some space from you, he needs to say so.

 

You need to get to the bottom of your different needs or this relationship will not have a chance.

 

EDIT: And sorry if i missed this point somewhere in the thread, but is he your boyfriend? Are you an official couple? And have you talked since his text message?

Edited by ExpatInItaly
Zippy2000 Established Member

Zippy2000

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Hang on.

 

 

It is not ONLY 3 days to SOME couples.

 

 

Many couples are smitten with each other and have to chat every day.

 

 

For SOME, even going TWO days without contact is too much for them.

 

 

You cannot paint all relationships with the same brush. SOME couples have a fixed pattern of chatting daily. So of course 3 days of no contact would be odd.

 

 

My bf and I didn't text excessively when not together at all. AT ALL. Yet we were on each others mind way too much to just NOT send a small " thinking of you" each others way.........

 

 

Obviously, these two have been in contact regularly, and the pattern of daily contact was broken. The OP had a good reason to be anxious.

 

 

Just because it is ONLY 3 days for YOU, is totally irrelevant to many couples!

 

I understand that but i think your missing the whole point about htis thread.If you read my earlier post. I mentioned "SOME couples get on fine talking every other day".

 

My opinion was its FINE not to hear from someone for 2.5 days and to stop calling 8 times.

 

Re-read my post again if your not sure.

 

Im helping the poster here show thats 2.5 days as she says is nothing and to stop calling 8 times!

 

If you keep doing the same thing and get the same results. Try something different.

 

Give him space and call twice maximum and then let him come to you. Sometimes Leigh I wonder what on earth you talk about.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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well he doesn't break up with me, he texted and apologized and had some BS excuses for not returning my calls. He is exclusive, he said he's been seeing only me ever since we started going out, yet I have gone out with another guy couple of times but didn't take it any further since I liked this one more...anyways, I just texted him back, because I am a weak ass like that and we'll see where it goes from now on...but i know I should not go crazy and call so many times when he's busy or whatever. Thanks everyone for your time and input I really appreciate that.

 

So you learned a good lesson there (not to go crazy and call 8 or however many times when you don't hear back immediately). This is good...yay. :)

 

Re his BS excuse, although lying is a dealbreaker for me, IMO this type of lie is not worthy of ending your RL...

 

If it were me, next time you got together, I would calmly and rationally explain that in the future, if and when he feels he ever needs some space, then to please just tell you that....and all will be fine.

 

He problably lied to you about not seeing your texts because he was not sure how you would react to him announcing he needed some space.... and assumed you would not understand and go a little bonkers, not realizing that by ignoring you.... he made it worse and made you feel MORE insecure....such that you DID go bonkers.... the very thing he feared you would do!

 

He needs to trust that you are emotionally balanced, secure and will NOT go crazy if and when he ever needs to "cave" for any reason.

 

Your calling 8 times did not foster that trust.... so now you need to do some damage control.

 

So again when you see him, talk to him....and explain how it made you feel, and that you UNDERSTAND he needs space from time to time, but to simply tell you and you will give it to him! Tell him YOU need space too from time to time!

 

And to Leigh... as you know my ex and I were absolutely nutso for each other, but there were times he needed a couple of days of lone time (so did I!)... which we graciously granted each other without it being a major deal.

 

Even couples super duper in love and smitten need some lone time from each other occasionally -- that is perfectly normal and healthy!

Edited by katiegrl
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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