Too Much of a "Background Check"

[katiegrl]

Sorry, no intention to bug op post but what your advice was exactly? The dr is a good guy or a jerk? Mmm?

 

Anyways, op, good job cancelling that date

 

I refer you to my post no. 72 on YOUR thread.

 

Does not matter whether or not the guy was a jerk.

 

YOU have issues hun....work on those and stop worrying about what jerks guys are.

 

Irrelevant.

 

Work on YOU.

[No_Go]

Well I missed to do checks once - see the result in my old treads for mooching BF. The dude was full blown alcoholic and sucked my money. Maybe she want to exclude similar individuals, don't take it personal

 

Was going to go on a first date with a girl who was obviously quite excited. Met online and had been texting a bit after messages a few days ago, and eventually told her I wanted to put it on pause to get to know her in person for our plans the next day.

 

I notice she visits my profile many times, and she even asks me about something on my Facebook profile. I hadn't made her a 'friend', or even exchanged messages on fb. Told her I didn't want to meet her then.

 

Is this acceptable, and I should've just met her the next day?

[StBreton]

I must say it's fascinating how this thread has played. But not too shocked because it's an online forum. (Think of the context of the subject and environment)

 

I'll share the 'timeline' one last time with all details I've shared.

 

Few days before event: Exchange a few messages on OLD site. She's given my real first name during this time.

 

Around noon of today: We make plans on OLD site to get a brew after work tomorrow, and exchange phone #s for quicker communication and possible change of plans.

 

She sends immediate text to confirm #, and we chat a bit by text. She learns what city I really live in during this time.

 

After 60 min of texting she doesn't get a hint that I want to chat tomorrow, not all the way through 'til tomorrow. I tell her let's stop and learn about each other tomorrow in person.

 

Few minutes latter she asks "who's that girl you're hugging on your Facebook timeline in [date of photo]"

 

I look up what she's seeing and I'm a bit shocked because she only has my first name & phone # for about an hour now. Don't respond immediately.

 

20 minutes or so pass with no communication but I put much thought into thinking what just happened and what kind of girl is she?

 

I tell her it's my friend and that we shouldn't meet the next day. No response.

 

 

I think you did the right thing OP. It's ok if people who date online want to do a cursory search of the person with whom they're meeting ...but to question something personal like the pic of you and the girl ...that's an invasion of privacy and the girl lacks decorum. I'd have been creeped out if a guy I had just become acquainted via OLD asked me about a guy in a pic that also included myself. It's non of his business and I'd wonder how far this guy takes that kind of behavior. Doesn't bode well.

 

Good decision to cancel the date. Sometimes the subtle things can be a red flag ...you didn't catch them and upon reflection you wished you'd gone with your gut. This seems like one of those times. Didn't have to be hit over the head with this red flag pole.

Edited December 28, 2015 by StBreton

[ScienceGal]

I always look at a new guy's FB, but I would never say anything about it. It's more to get a general sense of who they are. If they love hunting or Nascar, it's probably not going to be a match. If they smoke, definitely not a match. But, maybe they like running and hiking, which would pique my interest.

 

Photos of them with other women though, I don't even care. Maybe it's a sister or friend, maybe it's an ex. Doesn't matter and I would never ask. I have photos with male siblings, friends and exes myself. If I saw a recent photo of him with a woman, I would feel confident that I would learn who she is if he and I keep dating.

[truth_seeker]

 

I don't think you get why I cancelled with that person. It is public info, but her digging deep into it said something about her.

 

I'm not getting the right vibe with you. She looked at your FB. Who cares? It's not like she got your password and went through your profile.

 

She can look at my whole history, but the fact she wants to find out from FB instead of getting to know me...

 

What do you mean? She met you through OLD. She looked at your FB and saw you hugging a girl. She asked what's up. What's the problem? She wanted to see if you were some scumbag who has a girlfriend, looking for some play on the side.

 

The issue is you, not her.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Didn't you have serious girlfriend five days ago? I'm not questioning how quickly you have moved on but I think it is still relevant. The new girl probably saw photos of you with your (ex) girlfriend on Facebook and wanted to make sure you weren't cheating.

 

Just a thought.

[truth_seeker]

I must say it's fascinating how this thread has played. But not too shocked because it's an online forum. (Think of the context of the subject and environment)

 

I'll share the 'timeline' one last time with all details I've shared.

 

Few days before event: Exchange a few messages on OLD site. She's given my real first name during this time.

 

Around noon of today: We make plans on OLD site to get a brew after work tomorrow, and exchange phone #s for quicker communication and possible change of plans.

 

She sends immediate text to confirm #, and we chat a bit by text. She learns what city I really live in during this time.

 

After 60 min of texting she doesn't get a hint that I want to chat tomorrow, not all the way through 'til tomorrow. I tell her let's stop and learn about each other tomorrow in person.

 

Few minutes latter she asks "who's that girl you're hugging on your Facebook timeline in [date of photo]"

 

I look up what she's seeing and I'm a bit shocked because she only has my first name & phone # for about an hour now. Don't respond immediately.

 

20 minutes or so pass with no communication but I put much thought into thinking what just happened and what kind of girl is she?

 

I tell her it's my friend and that we shouldn't meet the next day. No response.

 

To be fair I saw this just now.

 

My take is she did nothing really wrong except come right out and ask you who the girl was on FB, which tells you she found your FB. She should have kept that to herself, but in her defense, she was doing her due diligence before meeting you IRL. She probably googled your first name and phone number. Your full name probably came up and she looked you up on FB. Now she sees a pic of you hugging a girl. She thinks "this guy I met on OLD a player with a girlfriend?" She gets upset that you might be a scumbag trying to use her so she blows her cover and asks straight up who the girl is on FB. I wouldn't be surprised if she lost interest in you after seeing the pic and just decided to call you out on it.

 

I can understand that freaking you out. However, the way you reacted by canceling the date makes you look like you were caught. It would have been better if you wrote: "She's my friend, Jane from school. Thanks for asking. May I ask how did you find my FB?" You answer her question and you turn the tables. You look fine no matter what. She now looks weird.

 

Let me just add that I met a woman on Tinder and I googled her first name and phone number. Glad I did as I found many pics online of her and guy hugging, kissing. I kept the info to myself but it alerted me that something could be off with her - I was right. On the date she confessed she was with this guy for 10 years and she was not over him. She was ready to cry at the bar. Act or not, it told me she was unstable and not someone to ever see again.

[xXMarlboro_ManXx]

Looking at public profile is not a dealbreaker at all. Asking about something from that public profile during the first conversation well that is creepy and too brazen. That would turn me off, it depends on how interested I am but I might cancel the first date.

[Robert]

From Moderation's POV....no more alerts will be tolerated from this thread. ~ V

[Ic1]

Didn't you have serious girlfriend five days ago? I'm not questioning how quickly you have moved on but I think it is still relevant. The new girl probably saw photos of you with your (ex) girlfriend on Facebook and wanted to make sure you weren't cheating.

 

Just a thought.

 

I did recently break up with a girlfriend a few days ago, but the OLD flake didn't see a picture of me and my recent ex. It was a friend. And my FB relationship status was/is single. (Never changed it)

 

Sad one about the recent ex though. She's just too depressed for any relationship, and I've tried to help her much. Still am as a friend, but I just can't let her keep me down as well. Could be another thread, but I'll take certified psychological opinions instead of dating forum ones. Already talking to her family about her condition and insisting counseling help be brought.

[trippi1432]

I've had someone look me up from OLD and it freaked me out because they were asking to get to know me before REALLY knowing me. Being a woman, they would have access to my kids, my family, my work friends.........but not my ex's.

 

I had a guy on OLD friend me on once on FB and I found out he was still chasing his ex. It's social media....FB is NOT a dating site or a way to keep in touch with ex's.

 

Single is as single does, you never changing your status (when/if you are in a relationship) is really no different than men who go on OLD who are in a relationship.

[Qboro90]

Ok fine.

 

Op, I guess the majority is right then.

You have two options: look for help in another forum or... Just one option sorry )

 

Usually when the majority of people say you're wrong..... Then you're wrong. Could visit every forum in the world... The replies aren't going to change.