Too Much of a "Background Check"

[brokengirl85]

You did right canceling. Even if ones exited to meet someone new, would never stalk him. And if you stalk him, keep it for yourself.

 

She sound like a creep or someone highly desperate. Well done canceling

[Ic1]

You did right canceling. Even if ones exited to meet someone new, would never stalk him. And if you stalk him, keep it for yourself.

 

She sound like a creep or someone highly desperate. Well done canceling

 

Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one who got a bad impression from it.

 

To many other responders; of course some look you up on FB, but going through your timeline history? That's a line crossed for me.

[dobielover]

I can't think of why else such would matter.

 

Then why would it bother you for her to ask? If that's why it would matter, wouldn't she be silly not to ask or inquire? Many a girl would likely just cancel without explanation based on what she saw. At least she asked.

 

So many people jump to conclusions, as you did. And the irony is that you wanted to get to know her in person, and you didn't even do that. It's sad.

[dobielover]

Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one who got a bad impression from it.

 

To many other responders; of course some look you up on FB, but going through your timeline history? That's a line crossed for me.

 

Then don't have a public FB. It's not a line crossed if it's public. You can't have a reasonable expectation of privacy if your timeline is public. Give me a break.

[Ic1]

Then don't have a public FB. It's not a line crossed if it's public. You can't have a reasonable expectation of privacy if your timeline is public. Give me a break.

 

Lol, were you the one I cancelled on?

 

I don't think you get why I cancelled with that person. It is public info, but her digging deep into it said something about her. She can look at my whole history, but the fact she wants to find out from FB instead of getting to know me...

[katiegrl]

Then why would it bother you for her to ask? If that's why it would matter, wouldn't she be silly not to ask or inquire? Many a girl would likely just cancel without explanation based on what she saw. At least she asked.

 

So many people jump to conclusions, as you did. And the irony is that you wanted to get to know her in person, and you didn't even do that. It's sad.

 

Once again, I agree with dobie... and the way I see it, she saw something that she found concerning and asked you about it...instead of not asking, possibly jumping to the wrong conclusion and dumping you!

 

No, she did not do that. She asked you, not accusing you of anything but simply asking directly.

 

I actually applaud her for being direct and asking you...as opposed to asking strangers on a message board what the hell it could mean...as so many people have a tendency to do.

 

It shows she is a good communicator and not afraid to speak up when something concerns her. I would think most men would find this refreshing, rather than her being passive and imagining what it could mean, and possibly being distrustful as a result.

 

I am the same and my boyfriend really appreciated that quality in me!

 

IMO, the fact you actually dump a woman for this, is what is troubling.

Edited December 27, 2015 by katiegrl

[dobielover]

Lol, were you the one I cancelled on?

 

I don't think you get why I cancelled with that person. It is public info, but her digging deep into it said something about her. She can look at my whole history, but the fact she wants to find out from FB instead of getting to know me...

 

Most people do this, is what you're failing to understand. Her only mistake was saying as much to you. And she likely did because what she saw concerned her, and rather than cancel and not ask, she asked.

[dobielover]

Once again, I agree with dobie... and the way I see it, she saw something that she found concerning and asked you about it...instead of not asking, possibly jumping to the wrong conclusion and dumping you!

 

No, she did not do that. She asked you, not accusing you of anything but simply asking directly.

 

I actually applaud her for being direct and asking you...as opposed to asking strangers on a message board what the hell it could mean...as so many people have a tendency to do.

 

It shows she is a good communicator and not afraid to speak up when something concerns her. I would think most men would find this refreshing, rather than her being passive and imagining what it could mean, and possibly being distrustful as a result.

 

I am the same and my boyfriend really appreciated that quality in me!

 

IMO, the fact you actually dump a woman for this, is what is troubling.

 

I did this very thing with the guy I'm seeing now. Actually, I said, "From the looks of it, you had a girlfriend fairly recently?" I was afraid he still had one!

 

He was glad I asked. It opened a dialogue. If he'd passed on the first date because of that, it would be mighty silly of him, not me.

[katiegrl]

Most people do this, is what you're failing to understand. Her only mistake was saying as much to you. And she likely did because what she saw concerned her, and rather than cancel and not ask, she asked.

 

Yup, and the irony is ... OP thinks HE dodged a bullet, when it's actually the other way around... SHE dodged the bullet.

 

OP, you sound paranoid, and emotionally closed.

 

She asked a simple question, which freaked you out, suffocated you, invaded your privacy, or whatever else you are thinking.

 

FB is public, and if you did not want her to see it, or shudders, ask you about it, then you should not have posted the damn photo in the first place.

 

That's on you dude...

[brokengirl85]

Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one who got a bad impression from it.

 

To many other responders; of course some look you up on FB, but going through your timeline history? That's a line crossed for me.

 

I know.

 

You'll learn which advice to take and which not from this forum. But don't make any decision or change your mind because some folks here told you it's normal for a woman to stalk you even before a first date ( I cannot imagine how it'll be if you gave her more private info. What a weirdo.) but follow your gut.

 

I'd have done the same thing.

[katiegrl]

I know.

 

You'll learn which advice to take and which not from this forum. But don't make any decision or change your mind because some folks here told you it's normal for a woman to stalk you even before a first date ( I cannot imagine how it'll be if you gave her more private info. What a weirdo.) but follow your gut.

 

I'd have done the same thing.

 

Stalking? What am I missing?

 

She saw a photo on FB , a public forum, that HE posted.

 

How is this stalking?

 

It's not like she hired a private investigator to do a background check, she looked at FB!

 

Is that not why FB was created? If someone feels uncomfortable with people looking, then change your settings to friends only or simply stop uploading photos you don't want people to see.

 

No brainer!

 

He is paranoid IMO and over-reacted.

[xcupid]

Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one who got a bad impression from it.

 

To many other responders; of course some look you up on FB, but going through your timeline history? That's a line crossed for me.

If it's on FB it's an open book and fair game to anyone. You overreacted IMO. She was curious and interested in you. You blew it. If you don't want people to know your "history" then delete your social media accounts.

[Ic1]

It's not like she hired a private investigator to do a background check, she looked at FB!

 

Is that not why FB was created?

 

This made me laugh hard.

[brokengirl85]

Wait... Did you give her your name so she can look you up? Maybe I'm was wrong then.

[Ic1]

Wait... Did you give her your name so she can look you up? Maybe I'm was wrong then.

 

My first name only. She did some research/search. We had only exchanged phone #s about 1-2 hours earlier, when we made plans for the next day.

 

She tried chatting a lot by text and I told her eventually I wanted to wait to meet her in person because it'll be more fun. Then shortly after I get a question on my facebook timeline.

[katiegrl]

This made me laugh hard.

 

Haha, glad to see you have a sense of humor at least ....:bunny:

 

Yah, FB was created as a way for people to connect.

 

It is a public forum, unless you change your settings to private, which you chose NOT to do.

 

Again, that's on you dude...

 

I would suggest you change your settings to "friends only" while you are dating.

 

Since you are so paranoid about people viewing certain photos you upload.

 

Because it is human nature to look.

 

You uploaded it dude....you can't blame her for simply ooking, and then asking about it.

 

I would have asked too. Oh the horror!!

 

LOL

[Lois_Griffin]

She searched Facebook for your phone number and it brought her right to your profile. It's real easy to find someone if their cell phone is the one tied to their account.

 

 

In all honesty, a lot of women do tend to try to gather intel on guys before they meet them, but it's usually from a safety standpoint and/or a desire to make sure the guy isn't married or misrepresenting himself.

 

 

You may want to change the phone number associated with your FB or tighten it down so people who aren't friends can't go through your page and see everything.

[katiegrl]

My first name only. She did some research/search. We had only exchanged phone #s about 1-2 hours earlier, when we made plans for the next day.

 

She tried chatting a lot by text and I told her eventually I wanted to wait to meet her in person because it'll be more fun. Then shortly after I get a question on my facebook timeline.

 

This sounds like BS.

 

How does one search and find a person's last name, when the only info she has is a first name? Did you tell her where you worked? If so, why? Since you are apparently such a *private* person.

 

And by the way, it is human nature to Google or FB someone before you meet. To find out if they are genuine.

 

There are a lot of scammers out there, especially on the internet.

 

If you are that paranoid, (sorry, private) again, why didn't you have your settings on *friends only*?

 

These are rhetorical questions, I do not expect an answer, or an honest one anyway.

 

None of this makes sense......

[dobielover]

You can put a person's cell number into the search feature of FB and many, if not most people's, profiles come up.

[Ic1]

She searched Facebook for your phone number and it brought her right to your profile. It's real easy to find someone if their cell phone is the one tied to their account.

 

 

In all honesty, a lot of women do tend to try to gather intel on guys before they meet them, but it's usually from a safety standpoint and/or a desire to make sure the guy isn't married or misrepresenting himself.

 

 

You may want to change the phone number associated with your FB or tighten it down so people who aren't friends can't go through your page and see everything.

 

My phone # isn't tied to my FB account, and I don't care if people can look at my profile. It's the red flag I got that she was digging so deep so quick, and asked about me hugging someone.

[dobielover]

I know.

 

You'll learn which advice to take and which not from this forum. But don't make any decision or change your mind because some folks here told you it's normal for a woman to stalk you even before a first date ( I cannot imagine how it'll be if you gave her more private info. What a weirdo.) but follow your gut.

 

I'd have done the same thing.

 

How is looking at a public picture album one posts online stalking?

 

He chose to make it public instead of viewable only by his friends.

[katiegrl]

You can put a person's cell number into the search feature of FB and many, if not most people's, profiles come up.

 

Well since I *am* a private person, I don't even have a FB profile, or use FB, so did not know that.

 

Still, it's FB, she didn't hire a private investigator.

 

Jesus.

[brokengirl85]

My phone # isn't tied to my FB account, and I don't care if people can look at my profile. It's the red flag I got that she was digging so deep so quick, and asked about me hugging someone.

 

Ok, if you didn't give her your full name and she googled your name, found your fb and all you've yold us...run.

 

Or she's really stupid (I mean, I've done that tons of times but never told the guy!) or a weirdo.

I'd have freaked out if some guy would have done the same. I'd block him.

[brokengirl85]

Well since I *am* a private person, I don't even have a FB profile, or use FB, so did not know that.

 

Still, it's FB, she didn't hire a private investigator.

 

Jesus.

 

Why there's a tendency here (I've noted since a couple weeks ago) to treat people who post here like they're doing everything wrong?

 

Cmon, the guy followed his gut and cancelled the date! You don't have to discredit his actions because you don't agree. Just saying

[dobielover]

My phone # isn't tied to my FB account, and I don't care if people can look at my profile. It's the red flag I got that she was digging so deep so quick, and asked about me hugging someone.

 

You have tons of rational women here telling you it's not a red flag, for a myriad of reasons. You jumped the gun on this one, buddy. The red flag was you pulling the plug so quickly.