Ic1 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Was going to go on a first date with a girl who was obviously quite excited. Met online and had been texting a bit after messages a few days ago, and eventually told her I wanted to put it on pause to get to know her in person for our plans the next day. I notice she visits my profile many times, and she even asks me about something on my Facebook profile. I hadn't made her a 'friend', or even exchanged messages on fb. Told her I didn't want to meet her then. Is this acceptable, and I should've just met her the next day?
oberkeat Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Was going to go on a first date with a girl who was obviously quite excited. Met online and had been texting a bit after messages a few days ago, and eventually told her I wanted to put it on pause to get to know her in person for our plans the next day. I notice she visits my profile many times, and she even asks me about something on my Facebook profile. I hadn't made her a 'friend', or even exchanged messages on fb. Told her I didn't want to meet her then. Is this acceptable, and I should've just met her the next day? You're saying you flaked on her because she was checking out your Facebook profile? Sounds like an over-reaction on your part. 1
MidwestUSA Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Was going to go on a first date with a girl who was obviously quite excited. Met online and had been texting a bit after messages a few days ago, and eventually told her I wanted to put it on pause to get to know her in person for our plans the next day. I notice she visits my profile many times, and she even asks me about something on my Facebook profile. I hadn't made her a 'friend', or even exchanged messages on fb. Told her I didn't want to meet her then. Is this acceptable, and I should've just met her the next day? The Facebook snooping is bit much, but she's doing what immature girls do. You should have gone ahead and met her. Next time, meet in person as soon as possible, rather than spending days texting. Apologies if you had it set up this way, you don't specify how many days you spent messaging.
BlueIris Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I grew up in a place and time when people dated people they already had some social connection to- except for people who met on the street or at a bar, which, to be honest, was considered kind of risky. Usually, there was context and at least some type of connection. If you do not want someone to have background info about you, that’s your right. You’re not alone in thinking or feeling that way. From my perspective, and I am old (mid-50's), I don’t see why people get nervous or upset about prospective dates knowing more about them. But lots of people do consider it an intrusion on their personal or private space to look at stuff posted on the internet, which, ironically, is not personal or private since it is stuff voluntarily made public on the internet. What can I say? I’m old. I can’t figure out what makes people upset these days or why. 2
Author Ic1 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 The Facebook snooping is bit much, but she's doing what immature girls do. You should have gone ahead and met her. Next time, meet in person as soon as possible, rather than spending days texting. Apologies if you had it set up this way, you don't specify how many days you spent messaging. This all happened within a day [today] except for a few messages back and forth before Christmas only OLD. Plans were to meet after work tomorrow and I had given my phone # so she could let me know when she was heading down & vise-versa. I also think she was trying to 'step on the gas', and might've gotten upset if she knew I had plans latter in the week already with others.
Author Ic1 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 From my perspective, and I am old (mid-50's), I don’t see why people get nervous or upset about prospective dates knowing more about them. But lots of people do consider it an intrusion on their personal or private space to look at stuff posted on the internet, which, ironically, is not personal or private since it is stuff voluntarily made public on the internet. I should also note my last message to her before her questions was: "I'm having fun chatting with you now, but I don't want to cut into the fun of getting to know each other in person tomorrow. ;)"
dobielover Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I know very few people who don't check out a person's FB profile, even if they're not FB friends, prior to meeting, especially women, given safety concerns and wanting to verify the person is who he says he is. It doesn't phase me at all when guys say something about having found and checked out my profile. I've come to expect it. In this age of social media, to not expect it, or get freaked out by it, is what's unreasonable, in my opinion. 6
oberkeat Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I know very few people who don't check out a person's FB profile, even if they're not FB friends, prior to meeting, especially women, given safety concerns and wanting to verify the person is who he says he is. It doesn't phase me at all when guys say something about having found and checked out my profile. I've come to expect it. In this age of social media, to not expect it, or get freaked out by it, is what's unreasonable, in my opinion. I agree, if you don't want people checking out your public social media profiles, why have them? That makes no sense to me. 1
katiegrl Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I know very few people who don't check out a person's FB profile, even if they're not FB friends, prior to meeting, especially women, given safety concerns and wanting to verify the person is who he says he is. It doesn't phase me at all when guys say something about having found and checked out my profile. I've come to expect it. In this age of social media, to not expect it, or get freaked out by it, is what's unreasonable, in my opinion. Exactly, and OP if you are so uncomfortable with her, or anyone, checking out your FB, then why have FB? You over-reacted...which begs the question...what are you *really* afraid of? There's got to be more to this. 2
truth_seeker Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I notice she visits my profile many times, and she even asks me about something on my Facebook profile. I hadn't made her a 'friend', or even exchanged messages on fb. Told her I didn't want to meet her then. Is this acceptable, and I should've just met her the next day? How do you know she visits your FB profile? Everyone just about looks up everyone. She should have kept the FB curiosity (asking you about it) to herself.
11012015 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Was going to go on a first date with a girl who was obviously quite excited. Met online and had been texting a bit after messages a few days ago, and eventually told her I wanted to put it on pause to get to know her in person for our plans the next day. I notice she visits my profile many times, and she even asks me about something on my Facebook profile. I hadn't made her a 'friend', or even exchanged messages on fb. Told her I didn't want to meet her then. Is this acceptable, and I should've just met her the next day? Just curious. How do you know she visits your FB profile many times?
truth_seeker Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Exactly, and OP if you are so uncomfortable with her, or anyone, checking out your FB, then why have FB? You over-reacted...which begs the question...what are you *really* afraid of? There's got to be more to this. I'm curious to know how he knows she visits his FB profile. Is there a way to know that people have looked at your profile? Him backing out is almost like a con artist knowing someone is on to them and they run before getting caught.
katiegrl Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Just curious. How do you know she visits your FB profile many times? Unless she is a FB friend, not sure how he could know. Something else is going on here.
dobielover Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I think he means she visits his OLD profile a lot. He knows she looked at his FB because she asked about something he posted there. It's stated plain as day in the OP. 4
MzLady Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 She seems like she's really excited about you and it trying to learn more about you. It's a little intrusive to go on your FB page and to then ask you about it. She doesn't seem to have a lot of common sense or social tact. It's up to you if you want to see this girl, but she's already all up in your business. I date online and it's a huge turnoff when a guy tells me he looked me up on FB (which I have locked down.. so they really have to look). It just feels kind of stalkerish in my book.
truth_seeker Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Just curious. How do you know she visits your FB profile many times? Beat me to the punch.
introverted1 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 OP, lots of people -- and women especially -- are encouraged to find out as much as possible about their prospective dates, especially when they are meeting someone through OLD rather than through friends. If you don't want people you are barely acquainted with to look at your FB profile, my suggestions are that you 1) do not provide your full name; and 2) change the privacy settings on your posts so that only friends can view your stuff. This will avoid future such occurrences. That said, I think your reaction was OTT. She was just doing what (some) people do. 1
Natalie8 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I think he meant that she checks out his online dating profile. That is where they met and started messaging. Not on fb. But she obviously found his fb and commented on it which makes him uncomfortable. I think it is normal to try to do a check on someone before a date. I do this too. I discovered that one guy was 6 years older than he claimed to be (linkedin profile gave away his age) and another one was married..fb. I think you overreacted a bit.
MidwestUSA Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 This all happened within a day [today] except for a few messages back and forth before Christmas only OLD. Plans were to meet after work tomorrow and I had given my phone # so she could let me know when she was heading down & vise-versa. I also think she was trying to 'step on the gas', and might've gotten upset if she knew I had plans latter in the week already with others. Well, your time frame was reasonable. As others have said, change your privacy settings if you don't want strangers seeing what you've put on Facebook. It seems to be the norm nowadays to snoop. If she'd given you some indication she might be upset that you had plans with others later, then yea, she's a bit over the top.
Author Ic1 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 Just curious. How do you know she visits your FB profile many times? How do you know she visits your FB profile? Everyone just about looks up everyone. She should have kept the FB curiosity (asking you about it) to herself. She asked me why I had something on my fb timeline. (Photo of hugging a girl)
Author Ic1 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 If she'd given you some indication she might be upset that you had plans with others later, then yea, she's a bit over the top. That was a vibe I got from her because of what she asked about. Me giving a female friend a hug in a photo. Didn't tell her of other first dates of course. Just thinking if she's questioning me on solely friends...
hippychick3 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 She asked me why I had something on my fb timeline. (Photo of hugging a girl) Okay, that in and of itself would make me want to cancel the date too.
dobielover Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 She asked me why I had something on my fb timeline. (Photo of hugging a girl) Did she ask because she thought you had a girlfriend from the looks of said photo? I cannot tell you how many guys from OLD and Tinder I've found on FB without much effort only to see they very clearly have a GF. And you cancelling on the date as soon as she asked that only solidified her belief (even if wrong, it looks bad). 1
Author Ic1 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 Did she ask because she thought you had a girlfriend from the looks of said photo? I can't think of why else such would matter.
oberkeat Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) Don't feel too bad: Considering it is OLD, she might have flaked before you beat her to it. Edited December 27, 2015 by oberkeat
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