ExtraSpice Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Well all those were just possibilities. I did not know of the emails you just mentioned but depending on the timing of the emails maybe she does have a motive to text you. Maybe she wants to establish some type of communication again. Maybe she does want to get back with you. Maybe she does know you are with another woman and that made her jealous. And thus the text to try to stir up some emotions. There are soo many maybes it is hard to keep track. As for you just popping in her head out of no where, that is definitively possible (not saying that is what happened). I have been out having fun with my friends, drinking, dancing with other women and then out of no where my ex pops up in my head. The mind is a strange thing and something we can't control that well. If you are with another woman and happy as you say, I would just chalk this up as an ordinary holiday text and not think about it. I know it is probably easier said than done. But if you really want to know, you could always just straight up ask her. That may open up a can of worms but it is a possibility. 1
Author eyeam Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) Anyone predict a "Happy New Year" message? *shiver Edited December 30, 2015 by eyeam
ExtraSpice Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I am betting on it. I am fairly certain I will get it and I am dreading the feeling you get when you receive that text. And I know that I will be thinking about the text as it gets closer to New Year and that is what I hate about these random texts. But I also know that if I don't get it I am going to end up thinking about why I didn't get it. Sort of a lose lose situation, all I can try to do is distract myself from those thoughts the best I can.
Author eyeam Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 I am betting on it. I am fairly certain I will get it and I am dreading the feeling you get when you receive that text. And I know that I will be thinking about the text as it gets closer to New Year and that is what I hate about these random texts. But I also know that if I don't get it I am going to end up thinking about why I didn't get it. Sort of a lose lose situation, all I can try to do is distract myself from those thoughts the best I can. Yeah, I hope not Honestly, the merry christmas message has had a weird effect on me!? Been trying my hardest not to think about it. I think the worst part of someone sending you breadcrumbs is the fall out afterwards. First its: WTF? Then: Why? Then: what ifs? Then days after.. the confusion and feeling's of oh.. they're gone again.. and it makes you miss them that little bit again. unfair. I think that's why they do it.
PegNosePete Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Anyone predict a "Happy New Year" message? *shiver BLOCK her, so you never need to find out.
ExtraSpice Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 Yes you described the thought process because of a text like that perfectly. All that uncertainty is terrible. Only ends up reassuring the truth, which is that the relationship is finished. After you spend a lot of time trying not to concentrate too much on that very topic. I am still on fairly civil terms with my ex. In my mind after the New Years there really is no occasion for a holiday greeting text till months later. So if I receive any text after New Years I can safely say to stop texting as there is no excuse anymore.
Author eyeam Posted January 1, 2016 Author Posted January 1, 2016 Yeah, I liken it to a ghost from a former life.. Because I havent seen her in a year.. a message like that is just surreal. It almost doesn't feel real to me anymore? Lord knows what her current BF thinks of her emailing me etc (that's if they're still together even?) I know it would piss me off!! the fact the she was thinking of me on Christmas Day worries me slightly.. No NYE message tho.. I'm happy about that. I had some nice messages from 3 possible future ladies tho. One of which I have a date with on Saturday and another Wednesday. Another from a French lady (who I'm crazy about) which I've spoken about here in the past. One of my ny resolutions is to have Zero contact with my ex. I'm leaving her in 2015... Like I should have left her in 2014. I didn't mention here, but I recieved an email on FB from her mum back in October (I always had a good relationship with her mum, she's a sweet woman) that basically said (in broken English - she's polish) that "she's been with someone for a few months, I think that is her right, although they differ in life" ? and I should talk to her about it and it was a nice time when I was part of there lives... Etc. I think she was expecting me to read between the lines? I didn't take her opinion of her new relationship as particularly positive? So, that was yet anthoner head - f*ck. Anyone here recieve the dreaded ex NYE text? 2016 - ONWARDS
Simon Phoenix Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 This would imply "trying to keep their options open" no? Giving you juuuust enough to keep you sweet without leading you on too much. You're reading too much into it. She did it probably because she thought it would be a "nice" thing to do. There's no mixed signals, there's no "keeping you as a backup plan". She's over it and thinks she's being polite. That's it. 2
Protec Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 I sent "Merry Xmas!" to my ex. To my surprise she even responded with "Merry Xmas.". Weird.
ExtraSpice Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 I sent "Merry Xmas!" to my ex. To my surprise she even responded with "Merry Xmas.". Weird. I wanted to ask why you sent her the text. Was it just being nice and courteous? I am just wondering
Protec Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 I wanted to ask why you sent her the text. Was it just being nice and courteous? I am just wondering Well, i wanted to be nice, and the other reason, i was curious if she would answer to me. I mean had sent her some text message over month ago and she never replied. It doesn't mean anything. I know. But it was nice of her to answer.
ExtraSpice Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 Well, i wanted to be nice, and the other reason, i was curious if she would answer to me. I mean had sent her some text message over month ago and she never replied. It doesn't mean anything. I know. But it was nice of her to answer. Got it. Does having an exchange like that help you in moving on? Sorry if it seems like I am being nosy, but understanding other peoples point of view helps in my own thought process.
Protec Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 Got it. Does having an exchange like that help you in moving on? Sorry if it seems like I am being nosy, but understanding other peoples point of view helps in my own thought process. I really don't know if it helped. Xmas is emotional time to all of us, and the fact she replied me at xmas meant a lot to me. I know she did not have to answer and i know i did not have to send the message. I am getting over her, little by little, still miss her sometimes, not as much as month ago (because i had this short 1 month dating-fling which made me feel human again).
Author eyeam Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 I know for me recieving it, set me back. i'd rather she not have sent it. 3 weeks previous to that she sent me an email saying she was confused and what I'd said to her was "very nice, but I hope it's genuine and your not trying to mess me around" and "can we keep things light and positive from now on and not talk about the past" and "was hoping we can stay in touch" asking me how my family is etc etc. all positive, and seemed as if she was trying to re-build something. Lots of questions. I replied positively asked about her family, make some jokes, nothing heavy at all.... and she ignored me? Then 3 weeks later on christmas day i recieve a reply to my email saying: "Merry christmas from me and me family" So it actually really hurt and offended me. It's typical of her hot/cold, push/pull behaviour in the past NC really is the best way to go. I'm going to ignore next time. It's sad, but some people really are better left in the past. It's unhealthy to try and keep them... espesially if they don't want you. I have a date tonight that I'm looking forward too. Life goes on
AspenBaldwin Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Forward her emails to me so at least I got a Merry X-mas from someone.
JS84 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 That sucks. But you're wasting waaaaaaayyyy too much mental energy on her and a simple Merry Christmas text. If she texts you again, just ignore it. Especially if you're both dating other people.
Author eyeam Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 (edited) i know... but it was more the lead up emails than that simple "Merry Christmas" I feel like a fool. and yes, I'm ignoring her from now on. She's a pain in the ass Edited January 2, 2016 by eyeam
tangotango Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 My ex came around on christmas eve to pick up a letter from our house. She was the first to send me a text christmas day 'Merry Christmas x'. When I replied I was cooking myself christmas dinner - she come back and was concerned that I might do something wrong and 'be careful'.. Come on? Why be like this - when you know I want you back yet you claim to not be interested??
Author eyeam Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 My ex came around on christmas eve to pick up a letter from our house. She was the first to send me a text christmas day 'Merry Christmas x'. When I replied I was cooking myself christmas dinner - she come back and was concerned that I might do something wrong and 'be careful'.. Come on? Why be like this - when you know I want you back yet you claim to not be interested?? Confusing isn't it? Remember: actions not words. All the rest is BS
ExtraSpice Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 It is interesting because the better approach would be to just take it as a simple text and put it out of your mind. But in practice it is not that simple. It is very difficult to control your thoughts sometimes. I have feelings of regret coupled with false hope. No matter how much I can rationalize things and come to a logical conclusion, emotions tend to overtake logic. Luckily they are not strong enough for me do anything stupid so I reply to the texts cordially and try to forget.
lemondrop21 Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 This is the best thing I've ever read on this topic: Proportionate Responses: It's JUST a Text by Natalie Lue. Natalie's blog is aimed at people involved with/breaking up with emotionally unavailable partners but the article really applies to anyone dealing with a texting ex. If YOU are that texting ex (and I am also guilty here) it makes you step back and assess your actions a bit. Definitely worth a read. 3
Author eyeam Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 "when you match someone with their low effort and see their low effort for what it is, you don’t see gold where’s there’s copper – you see their lack of effort and the reflected results in your life and distance yourself, flush them, or know the limits of your interaction with them" Solid advice. 1
lemondrop21 Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 "when you match someone with their low effort and see their low effort for what it is, you don’t see gold where’s there’s copper – you see their lack of effort and the reflected results in your life and distance yourself, flush them, or know the limits of your interaction with them" Solid advice. YES, that is my favorite part of the article, thank you for posting it here 1
Author eyeam Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 well... holidays are out the way now. panic over people. I'm going to do my best this year to meet someone who makes me happy... and I can make happy right back. I went on around 30 different dates in 2015. 3 of them I would've given the potential gf status. Ironically they were the few that didn't want to see me again after several dates? haha. I was giving off "keen" vibes maybe?
ExtraSpice Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 30 dates is pretty good! If you are able to find 3 with potential gf status I am sure you will find a lot more in 2016. Maybe it was a keen vibe but who knows. Best of luck!
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