sweetadeline Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Earlier this year, I dated someone for a little over three months. By the beginning of the third month, he'd brought up the subject of living together. I said that I didn't feel ready to talk about that yet, because I felt that we were still in the very early stages of getting to know each other. He seemed OK with that answer at first, but then, over the next few weeks, he kept bringing the subject up. At one point he even said, "So, when do you think you'd be ready to get married? By next summer?" Each time, I said that I thought a decision to commit to that extent should evolve from growing intimacy and that I didn't feel we'd reached that stage yet. I will admit that the more he pushed, the more I detached emotionally, and I was starting to doubt that things between us could work. Then he very abruptly detached himself for a couple of weeks--stopped calling, etc.--and finally broke up with me. That was in mid-April. Today, I got a birthday card from this guy. Before I opened it, I noticed that there was a return address label with his name and the name of a woman. On the card, he'd written, "Best wishes for your birthday. David. PS: I'm getting married on August 13th." I don't know what to believe. Did I miss out on a potentially great guy? Or did I dodge Mr. Codependency in the nick of time?
suegail Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 I hope for his sake (and hers) it's an honest to goodness love match and not a force fit kind of situation simply because he's dying to get hitched. Remember the old addage: Marry in haste, repent at leisure. As for you, you were wise to not jump into something like that. Unfortunately there was apparently no chance for you to have time to decide how you felt, because it seems he was on to find the next. Well, some people know what they want and some people just think they know what they want. At least you knew what you didn't want.
Author sweetadeline Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by suegail he's dying to get hitched Well, he met me about six months after he had gotten out of an eight-year relationship (not by his choice). Apparently one of their issues was that he wanted to get married--and had since their first year together--but she didn't.
TheBarnacle Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia You dodged the bullet in this situation. no doubt!
Author sweetadeline Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia You dodged the bullet in this situation. 99% of me agrees with this. The other 1% wonders whether, in resisting his, uh, enthusiasm, I listened to my instincts or my fears. One voice is healthy; the other, not so much.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Why the 1%? Because its a man who actually wants marriage - seems to be pretty rare to find one so intent on jumping right on in. Unfortunately, it sounds like for him the women are interchangeable as long as he reaches his goal of marriage.
ggallin13 Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Go play the lottery, as you are so lucky! What a weirdo. I want to get married, too, but not to just anybody. I may never get married, and if that's what happens so be it. I don't ask every girl I date--in fact, I have never asked anybody. And why would he randomly drop the fact that he is getting married on you? Creepy creepy creepy!
Author sweetadeline Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Unfortunately, it sounds like for him the women are interchangeable as long as he reaches his goal of marriage. Yeah, that's what I was afraid of while I was dating him. Originally posted by ggallin13 And why would he randomly drop the fact that he is getting married on you? Creepy creepy creepy! Good point. As a friend of mine put it, by communicating that information to me, he's showing himself to be either clueless or petty. Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I feel better now.
ErinErinErin Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 I can relate exactly- dated a guy who wanted me to move in and get married within a month of being together... he had also been dumped from his marriage and has 2 small kids... Then he freaked out and ended things so quickly... How can they truly want to marry us if they can move on so fast...I know that when I meet the person I'm meant to marry, I'll lose them for nothing...strange, eh?
Author sweetadeline Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 I saw the friends who introduced me to this guy last night at a party. Apparently he and his now-fiancee had known each other for only two or three weeks when they decided to get married. . . .
Author sweetadeline Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin ...Definatley a dodged bullet... And for you too, ErinErinErin, from the sounds of it!
ErinErinErin Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 Hmm...thanks...I hope so...We talked today and he feels so sorry for himself I can tell- telling me all about how he is so busy with work blahblahblah... I miss him lots and sometimes wonder if he does too...And if theings will ever work out...
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