somecamel Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 So I met this girl back in August from Tinder, it wasn't until late september that we actually met and we've been seeing each other maybe twice a week since then. She was straight up from the outset that she was planning on moving back to London in the New year. I've asked her a few times over the last few months what the deal is and when she is planning on going so I can 'kinda' do some planning myself but she's always been very vaque with her answers. Now, we went out in London last Saturday for the night, I got us a hotel and we had a really nice evening and this might sound a bit silly of me and maybe I'm over-reacting here but I tagged us on Facebook checking into the Hotel and she got a bit funny about it and removed the tag saying that she has her work colleagues on her Facebook and doesn't want them to know what's going on...however, I met a few of her London Friends whilst we were up there so not too sure what she was trying to hide. I'm falling for this girl but I'm also really trying to protect myself so I don't get hurt again, I've been single for 2 years. I've been thinking today about breaking it off but I don't want to cut off my nose to spite my face if you know what I mean. Would appreciate some words of wisdom from you guys as I'm too close to this to see things clearly.
LydiaLong Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Incredibly stupid and insensitive move to broadcast checking into a hote. 3
Author somecamel Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 I didn't really look at it that way but I can see what you mean
Erik30 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) She didn't like that tag on Facebook because it basically implies that you're having sex with her, so she probably wouldn't want all of her FB friends to see that. Also, maybe I'm reading it wrong, but didn't she kind off say that's she's dating you until she moves back? Edited December 27, 2015 by Erik30 1
Redfisher Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Wrong move for sure, Now she has the freaks.... Sorry.
Author somecamel Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 Yep thanks guys for laying it out in black and white:) It wasn't my intention to broadcast the fact that we'd checked into the hotel for sex but I can see now how it could have come across like that, silly silly me. I was taking it personally and as a bit of an insult to me but can see that I was actually in the wrong. 2
xcupid Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Incredibly stupid and insensitive move to broadcast checking into a hotel. Agree. What were you thinking? Sheesh!
Buddhist Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I'm falling for this girl but I'm also really trying to protect myself so I don't get hurt again, I've been single for 2 years. Well your FB tagging was a bit off to be honest. I would hate for any man out there to advertise who I'm having sex with these days. It's none of anyone's business except my own. Accept that as a mistake and move on. But back to the real reason why I'm replying. The bit I quoted above is it. Don't try and protect yourself. All that does is ensure you stuff it up with any person you come across. You cannot be in love and protect yourself all at the same time. Love requires vulnerability and yes even being vulnerable to hurt. If you are guarded then you will fail to make the connection. I'm not talking about letting others take advantage of you, but that's not what's happening here. You're just holding back in case things don't work out, and when you do that, they usually don't work out. 1
Space Ritual Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Tagging people and checking into places on Facebook is frankly an activity that is used by people who feel a need to try to convince other people that they have an exciting life, and are trying to impress other people. I have never used it because I don't try to impress people by attempting to appear as something I am not, but also because I don't give a damn about what people think of me unless they are signing my paycheck. Even then it's open to debate. So the Facebook check in is only impressing one person, yourself. Some people need that validation online in order to feel like they are important. Why you would use the check into in an instance like this is beyond me. And to just go a step further, for all you know you are not the only guy this chick is currently seeing casually, I mean you met on Tinder for Christ's sake, not Christian Mingle. Didn't want her work friends to know? Maybe she does not want some other person she has been seeing to know either? Ever think of that? lol A lot of people who do a lot of check ins also post a lot of pictures of themselves and also of their property, as in homes inside and outside. All somebody has to do is take one of those pictures and do a little googling and its pretty easy to find someone's address if you know their name and the town they live in. Which too many people put on FB to begin with. You never know, the next time you inform everyone on FB that you checked into the Ritz Carlton you'll return the next day to find your house robbed. Kind of like the old joke "The Universe: while you are comtemplating that, I'll be right over here, going through all your stuff." Get a clue, son.
Author somecamel Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 Wow, Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning! Tagging people and checking into places on Facebook is frankly an activity that is used by people who feel a need to try to convince other people that they have an exciting life, and are trying to impress other people. I have never used it because I don't try to impress people by attempting to appear as something I am not, but also because I don't give a damn about what people think of me unless they are signing my paycheck. Even then it's open to debate. So the Facebook check in is only impressing one person, yourself. Some people need that validation online in order to feel like they are important. I'd booked the hotel so we could have a day of shopping in London and to go out on the town after, funnily enough, the thought of sex didn't cross my mind, we didn't even have sex but as I accepted above, it probably would have been better to tag it under something else rather than the hotel. Lots of people use facebook for tagging, my own personal reason is that I like to look back over the years and remind myself of where I've been etc.. I'm not screaming out for my people to look at me. A lot of people who do a lot of check ins also post a lot of pictures of themselves and also of their property, as in homes inside and outside. All somebody has to do is take one of those pictures and do a little googling and its pretty easy to find someone's address if you know their name and the town they live in. Which too many people put on FB to begin with. You never know, the next time you inform everyone on FB that you checked into the Ritz Carlton you'll return the next day to find your house robbed. Kind of like the old joke "The Universe: while you are comtemplating that, I'll be right over here, going through all your stuff." Bit of a sweeping generalisation there but I don't do a lot of check-ins and the Friends I do have on Facebook are friends because they wouldn't plot to break into my house when I'm away.
Author somecamel Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Hey thanks for all the advice the past couple of days, I decided to break it off yesterday and she came around last night to have a chat about it. We were both looking for different things so I feel like I've made the right decision. She was a bit upset but she was still planning on moving away in the next month or so, so for me, I didn't want to get anymore involved with her so have taken a step back to protect myself as I was falling bad for her. I appreciate what you said @Buddhist about trying 'not' to protect myself and let the love flow so to speak but I think on this occasion I've done the right thing and have possibly avoided some future hurt. I've always fallen in love too easily and that shows some of the co-dependency issues I've had with my past relationships and some of my new found determination to not make some of the same mistakes. Peace out and enjoy your new year.
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