Bella_Blu Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) Me and my significant other got together 6 years ago in that time, we survived loosing two babies, developing genital warts from the relationship he had come out of just before he got with me (let that one slide as it was before me, and he was in no way aware she had this) Anyway we also overcome him having depression from loosing our babies and he became another person he became obsessed with looking at porn, looking at escort sites over the internet. Even he started talking to a woman he worked with and flirting and probably would of took it further If she had let him, or if I hadn't had a gut feeling and checked his phone which I never ever did prior to this and found their conversations. I begged him for 3 years on and off broke down many times and told him how I was struggling and how I wanted it to change because his behaviour was putting a strain on our relationship. I understand he had depression and if I could of took it away for him to be happy I would of done anything . But he wasn't the only one having a hard time I was paying the price for both of us he became cold, withdrawn from me, I felt disgusting to him. Felt worthless as a woman that I couldn't help him wasn't enough for him May sound selfish of me to think this way but that's the way I felt. I couldn't take it any longer it hurt to much to be hurt by the man I loved everyday I was with him I stayed with him till I had no fight left in me. I left him and he was distraught I had just found out my daughter wanted to end her life because she had suffered child abuse from her father and he knew this but still decided to tell me he wanted to end his life. I ended up having a nervous breakdown myself. I went into a rebound relationship with another man which lasted about a month or so I couldn't even bring myself to be physical with him because my heart was still with my previous partner . Then this man I started seeing became verbally abusive to me and we broke up. My previous partner had found another girl and this broke my heart . Even though I had told him to move on part of my breakdown envolved my conscious constantly telling me he deserved better than me. He deserved someone who could give him babies . So that's why I told him to move on. After me and the more recent man split me and the previous man sat down talked and because I find it hard to voice my feeling and emotions I gave him a letter I wrote to him about how I felt . He read it and after a while and more talking he finished it with the other woman because he said his heart still belonged with me . I feel so bad because I feel I stole his happiness of a perfect pure relationship to come back to the mess that was me but it was to painful to live without him. Everyday I was with the other man it hurt so bad to not be able to be with the other but I had made my bed I thought the least I deserved was that I better lie in it but it became unbearable. So we got back together the story should sort of end there on a happy note right well this is me so there's no chance of that one. Well during this time he was with the other woman he confided in me that before they got together she was engaged to another man who gave her genital warts from him cheating with another woman. I gave him advice and for weeks he told me they never slept together which made it more easier if I'm honest to go back to him. Even up to the first time back together that we slept together sexually I asked him did he sleep with her he still said no. For some reason after we slept together something kept eating at me something felt wrong. So checked his phone he knew I had trust issues from our relationship before but promised this time he would be honest with me. But yet again I found messages that proved otherwise so when he came home I asked him to tell me the truth and he told me they had slept together twice while he knew she had this infection. It sounds disgusting but I'm looking for help so honesty is the best policy in this case. It hurt deeply because he says he didn't love her but yet it was so easy for him to sleep with her while she had this infection and as hed tell her what she wanted to hear back which was I love you back to her but he says he didn't mean it I don't know what to think. He slept with me knowing he had been sexually active with her having this infection then slept with me telling me he hadn't been near her I feel sick. He wouldn't come near me when I had them. Not that it's essential but it's just that it was so easy for him to share himself that way with her but he is suppose to be in love with me but wouldn't come near me . Now my thoughts have evolved into having a constant image of how they were together and him and her sexually I don't understand why I'm having all this. For the second time I'm facing catching this horrible infection. But I love him and want to fight for us I would be grateful for any advice because I Sony know what to do anymore. Edited December 27, 2015 by Bella_Blu spelling mistakes
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