Wompwompwomp Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I had created an online dating profile a long time ago but was never really active on there. I decided to meet up with this guy who seemed cool and was pretty keen to go on a date with me. Anyways, it's been about a month, and we've hung out about a half a dozen times (and FWIW, yes, I've slept with him). He seems to be more into me than I am him. He's cool and stuff, but I just don't get butterflies like I did with my ex. I'm also not used to all of the attention he is giving me (texting me throughout the day; wanting to plan trips for the spring, even though we're not even in a relationship). I told him we needed to slow things down and even though it's been more than a year since I've broken up with my ex, I guess I am still not over him. I am gauging everyone against him and no one is measuring up. Specifically, my ex's charisma and goofiness. This is one thing that I realized I really liked about my ex. The new guy seems too serious for me. This isn't fair to the new guy. But I don't know if this is how dating works?? My ex was my only real relationship; I never "dated." Are you supposed to feel the chemistry right away or is it something you grow into?
smackie9 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I think by the 6th date you should be feeling something. You need to let this guy go because he is falling for you. He's not the one, move onto the next, that is all you can do. IMO when someone says "lets slow down" that usually means I'm not that into you. 3
smackie9 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 BTW it doesn't mean you are not over your ex....you just haven't met someone that you have chemistry with. 3
Author Wompwompwomp Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 Yeah, I reckon you're right
smackie9 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Just be honest with him so he isn't chasing hope that things could change.
truth_seeker Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 IMO when someone says "lets slow down" that usually means I'm not that into you. True statement.
newmoon Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 why would you sleep with someone that you have no chemistry with? it seems there is already some type of chemistry/attraction in place or it wouldn't have got that far, even. perhaps this guy is actually just treating you well, and that's what you're not used to?
truth_seeker Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Shouldn't you be feeling it right away and only lose the feeling if you find yourself not into the person as you get to know them? I don't understand how you keep dating someone and waiting to start to have feelings for them.
Buddhist Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I got into a relationship with someone I felt no chemistry for. It was quite frankly the biggest waste of life I've ever experienced. I hated having sex with him, it was a total turn off and I never developed any feelings for him except total disgust by the end of it. Don't do it, either to yourself or him. For me, no chemistry does not build over time. If it isn't there to start with it won't suddenly turn up at a later date. 1
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Every relationship is different and starts differently. I have experienced love at first sight and I have experienced slowly falling in love without experiencing butterflies but I was experiencing a different type of feeling that was deeper and more genuine. Ask yourself these questions: * Is he always in the back of your mind? * Do you miss him? * Are you looking forward to spend time with him? * Do you feel your feelings are growing? If you answer no to 1 of those questions then let the man go. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Chemistry has always been instantaneous to me. Love deepens over time. You have given this guy a fair shake but it's not working for you. Continuing with him is cruel.
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