JustGettingBy Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 We all have our dealbreakers. What if you had been dating someone like this for a couple of years, have been exclusive for a long time, have a great relationship, and then find out this person had these dealbreakers, but it hadn't been an issue, and they had never lied about it? For example: If you would never date someone with a history of cheating, what if you find out your partner who you've had a great relationship with had cheated in the past, but was always faithful to you? If you've had mental illness as a dealbreaker, have a great relationship with someone who was mentally ill and had coped successfully with the illness but never brought it up until a couple years in? What if you say you'd only date well educated people and the person you have a successful relationship with admits a couple years in they no post-secondary education, but was still able to hold down a decent job? Would you dump them due to the dealbreaker, or stay with them because the relationship was going great?
smackie9 Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 Sorry but mental illness, even if it is maintained is still detectable. It would be over before it started. Serial cheater? dealbreaker. Had cheated? depends on how long ago, and the circumstances.....people do eventually grow up. Education never mattered to me. You don't need a college degree to get a good paying job, especially if you work in construction. Drug or alcohol abuse? don't care what anyone says..... Dealbreaker. I grew up in that environment and I will avoid it at all costs. 2
Fuerza Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 (edited) We all have our dealbreakers. What if you had been dating someone like this for a couple of years, have been exclusive for a long time, have a great relationship, and then find out this person had these dealbreakers, but it hadn't been an issue, and they had never lied about it? For example: If you would never date someone with a history of cheating, what if you find out your partner who you've had a great relationship with had cheated in the past, but was always faithful to you? If you've had mental illness as a dealbreaker, have a great relationship with someone who was mentally ill and had coped successfully with the illness but never brought it up until a couple years in? What if you say you'd only date well educated people and the person you have a successful relationship with admits a couple years in they no post-secondary education, but was still able to hold down a decent job? Would you dump them due to the dealbreaker, or stay with them because the relationship was going great? Personally they would all be dealbreakers to me, simply because they would have been lying for years about this. I want someone who's honest, even if they have been cheating or have a mental illness. Who knows what else they have been lying about if they can't be honest about things like this to the person they love. But I can't stand lying, especially if it's something they will keep lying about for years! I'd ask for a break, ask why they lied and see from there. Edit: I think I misunderstood the question? I'd find out years in the relationship or at the beginning of the relationship? Edited December 26, 2015 by Fuerza
11012015 Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 What if you say you'd only date well educated people and the person you have a successful relationship with admits a couple years in they no post-secondary education, but was still able to hold down a decent job? You find that out couple of years in? That is bizarre. 1
Amalyn Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 It wouldn't be those single things that would be deal breakers for me, it'd be the fact they'd lied to me for years. That would make me question everything else. 2
basil67 Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 If I found out about a dealbreaker years after it happened, I'd assume that the person has changed and the thing is no longer an issue.
Author JustGettingBy Posted December 26, 2015 Author Posted December 26, 2015 Sorry but mental illness, even if it is maintained is still detectable. It would be over before it started. Over 20% of people have a mental illness, and the 'average person' rarely claims to know anyone with a mental illness, so its missed very often. Mines is so mild that when I say I have one, people assume I'm lying and instantly distrust me.
Author JustGettingBy Posted December 26, 2015 Author Posted December 26, 2015 You find that out couple of years in? That is bizarre. I guess this would mainly pertain to older people. Two people in their 20's would no doubt discuss this, but I don't think two stably employed people in their 40's or 50's would.
dobielover Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 It wouldn't be those single things that would be deal breakers for me, it'd be the fact they'd lied to me for years. That would make me question everything else. I agree. If it was just an assumption on my part, I'd assume my dealbreakers weren't dealbreakers after all. But if they knew my dealbreakers and they'd misrepresented themselves to me in any way, I'd be out. 1
Leucine Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 Have a very bad personal experience with the mental illness scenario. Depending on the illness, you may never truly recover from it. Cheating is not a mental illness and it shouldn't matter if they've done it once or twice in the past and are a different person now. It speaks more about you if you only dwell on the past and don't think anyone else is able to put their past behind them either. The education scenario is kinda stupid, and so are those people who "only date well educated people", if that's really a thing.
AspenBaldwin Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 Not only one asks questions but one double checks to make sure the other one is not lying.
Space Ritual Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 We all have our dealbreakers. What if you had been dating someone like this for a couple of years, have been exclusive for a long time, have a great relationship, and then find out this person had these dealbreakers, but it hadn't been an issue, and they had never lied about it? For example: If you would never date someone with a history of cheating, what if you find out your partner who you've had a great relationship with had cheated in the past, but was always faithful to you? If you've had mental illness as a dealbreaker, have a great relationship with someone who was mentally ill and had coped successfully with the illness but never brought it up until a couple years in? What if you say you'd only date well educated people and the person you have a successful relationship with admits a couple years in they no post-secondary education, but was still able to hold down a decent job? Would you dump them due to the dealbreaker, or stay with them because the relationship was going great? History of Cheating. They would not even be on my radar. Deal Breaker Mental Illness. Not a deal breaker for me, unless subsequent behavior began to have a really poor effect. I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict and have been clean and sober for some 20 + years. I am not going to classify that as a mental illness as there are true illnesses out there as well as diseases. But again It would not be a deal breaker unless my freedom, or sobriety was put in jeopardy. But then again if I put myself in that position I would be the one to blame. Education Level. Not a deal breaker at all. I did not go to college until my late 20's after I got released and got a Bachelor's and Masters in my 30's so no not a deal breaker at all. Not everyone has the same educational chances as others. So for me, the only one that is an instant deal breaker is anything to do with cheating. I would not care if I was with someone for 20 years. If it came out later they had any type of history of cheating I would end it right then and there. I just can't stomach them.
Recommended Posts