apr1l Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 Hello, everyone! I am new here and well I've been dumped after "6 years of relationship" please bare with me I 'll try to make the long story short. Through a social chat I met my ex now and we became best friends fast since we had a lot in common he was very nice, treated me like a princess and well he was everything I wanted and even more after almost 2 years of friendship we became couple and it was a dream come true. After 2 years of been together I found that this person was cheating on me, I was devastated I left him but he eventually contacted me and asked for a second chance I gave him the chance it wasn't a nice year though I was angry, hurt and didn't trust him so I did the best I could, he said he would change, but he really didn't he did the same things. He went through a stage of anxiety that he used as an excuse to cheat again he was also very mean to me and was blaming me for everything as usual. That time he told me he was faking every little thing I knew about him was not his real self. He made me feel guilty because I gave him a hard time through the year so we continue together anyway. I KNOW STUPID!! I supported him and helped him through his college years and anxiety, I was very stressed all the time I started to suffer from depression & panic attacks he wasn't there for me, only when I was in the process of the panic he would respond meanwhile he would spend his time watching youtube videos and laughing or doing other stuff. When I had a bad accident he broke up with me and didn't even look or call anyone of my family to know if I was doing fine, he said we could stay as friends I was going through hell in my life and I couldn't stand it so when I moved away I didn't contact him. he would write me and call me once in a while, after 3 months we talked he cried and said he miss me and blah. I was his friend and talked to him once in a while cause it was freaking hurtful, he tried to flirt with me and acted like he was really changed he said he knew he did horrible stuff to me and mistreated me in every way said sorry many times. After some time of "behaving" he asked me to give him a chance, I did since he looked very different we were doing pretty good and it made me hope that maybe, this time, we could make it, he got a job and he wanted to spend his money on a gaming PC I told him that would cause some trouble for us because I know him and when he gets obsessed with something he doesn't know how to make a balance he said that wouldn't happen. He spends all that money in the PC then he got addicted to it I tried to have patience, but he didn't do anything else literally he spend all day playing games only moving shortly to the bathroom or to eat and sometimes he would even eat while playing and barely talked to me. We had a big discussion and I told him he should, at least, do something else for 15 mins he said that was the only thing he could do I gave him options nope he didn't want to I tried to make him react, but he got all pissed and left. The next day he didn't talk to me I found him online in FB and I IM him he just broke up with me, he said I was never happy with him and that he just needed to be left alone and that's it. I regret to spend so much time of my life with him and yes I get an award for been one of the dumbest people ever!
sandylee1 Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 Lesson learnt. When you give more than a second chance... it can come back to bite. You put up with his crap again and again... 6 years down the drain ... but don't dwell on it.... pick yourself up and look to the future. Block your ex from all forms of contact. He is a selfish and immature young man.. who is yet to grow up and learn how to treat a woman. Don't settle for less than you deserve next time. 2
StBreton Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 (edited) Sorry you're feeling lost right now OP. You surely didn't deserve to be treated like this. The guy sounds like a narcissist. You'll eventually come to be grateful you're rid of him. It helps to read a lot on this forum to go through your loss and get yourself recentered. Look for posts of other's break ups and how they managed ..:lots of helpful advice. Don't be hard on yourself. Hindsight is 20/20. You'll choose more wisely next time! Hugs. Edited December 26, 2015 by StBreton 1
Itspointless Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 He is a selfish and immature Couldn't agree more. He sounds very self-centered. At least he did teach you what you do not want in a man I just wonder after reading this, what attracted you to this selfish young man? You wrote he treated you as a princes at first ..., was that it? Hoping that boy would return some day? What you wrote about him telling you that he was faking things sound a bit problematic to me. I get he feeling he was not lying there, hence my questions. 1
Author apr1l Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 thanks for the reply sandyylee1 yes I know he's definitely selfish and I didn't even tell half of the things he did, he's not worth it, it just makes me really sad how much time I spend with him trying to make it work.
Author apr1l Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 @STBreton "The guy sounds like a narcissist." honestly now that you mention that is not the first time I heard about it I started to follow a page in fb about sociopaths and narcissist because they uploaded quotes that were soo similar with his behavior could it be possible?
greenleaves54 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Well, the time with him wasn't completely wasted. You probably learned a lot about yourself, relationships and what kind of guys to avoid in the future. Didn't you? I'm sure your next relationship will be a great one! 1
Author apr1l Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) Itspointless When we started he wasn't like that at all, he was kind, super sweet, gentle, romantic, he listened me and he would do anything for me, with time he changed and fought with me all the time for whatever stupid reason, he would blame me for everything sometimes he disappeared for long times. I guess at the time I was in shock and very naive I couldn't believe that a person could be acting all that and faking emotions I loved him so much like I never did before I just thought that maybe I could learn to like his real personality. The thing is that nothing is real with him he haves many masks and he is a compulsive liar even when he doesn't have to lie he does. I guess me being alone without anyone support while going through a rough time made me stay with him even longer because he was "my only friend too" Edited December 27, 2015 by apr1l add
Author apr1l Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 thank you greenleaves54 yeah I learned a lot but for now I will stay away from relationships lol
sandylee1 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 thanks for the reply sandyylee1 yes I know he's definitely selfish and I didn't even tell half of the things he did, he's not worth it, it just makes me really sad how much time I spend with him trying to make it work. Your welcome. Just look forward to the new year and know what is unacceptable in future relationships. 1
Itspointless Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Itspointless When we started he wasn't like that at all, he was kind, super sweet, gentle, romantic, he listened me and he would do anything for me, with time he changed and fought with me all the time for whatever stupid reason, he would blame me for everything sometimes he disappeared for long times. I guess at the time I was in shock and very naive I couldn't believe that a person could be acting all that and faking emotions I loved him so much like I never did before I just thought that maybe I could learn to like his real personality. The thing is that nothing is real with him he haves many masks and he is a compulsive liar even when he doesn't have to lie he does. I guess me being alone without anyone support while going through a rough time made me stay with him even longer because he was "my only friend too" I understand apr1l, it must have have really been confusing for you, a shock would be understandable. I am not saying he is as only psychologists can determine this with the help of a test, but even if he isn't he can score high on narcissistic traits. The following article may give you an answerthe the bolded sentence above: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201111/behind-the-facade-the-false-self-the-narcissist 1
Neffer Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) Well, don't look it as 6 years wasted - instead think of the better years you have ahead without him. He won't change, but you are free of this. The anger etc will fade and you can move on. Read up on narcissistic personality and perhaps ADHD relationships. They both feature "lovebombing" - basically prince charming to lure you in, and then it switches to self based behaviour. I was involved with a man who was ADHD and it was pretty textbook (I only found out after I researched after the relationship went south) The addiction to PC gaming above life etc, made me think of ADHD. Selfishness is a bad character flaw,maybe the worst in a relationship. You dodged a bullet. *just editing to say not all ADHD are bad choices.It always comes down to effort, caring - trying Edited December 28, 2015 by Neffer 1
anika99 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 You weren't dumped like trash, you were dumped by trash. Trash that you are well rid of. 3
Author apr1l Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 thank you for the information Itspointless I read it and looked for more and wow it's scary is like they are describing his personality, it totally freaks me out. 1
Itspointless Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 thank you for the information Itspointless I read it and looked for more and wow it's scary is like they are describing his personality, it totally freaks me out. Hi apr1l, I hope it does not only freak you out, but will give you some acceptance at some point, which must be very hard after such a long time. Much love to you. 1
Author apr1l Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 Neffer yes you are right I looked for more info and all of them are very alike so I don't know exactly which he could be, and when you mention the anger it totally gets to me because that's what I am now just so angry and hurt he abused me emotionally and mentally over and over till the point where I just don't know what I am anymore, he made me question my sanity so many times and I never knew that it could be this bad I just thought that he was an immature bad jerk and that maybe I was too clingy like he used to tell me and deserved to be treated this way. He used to say that I was perfect and I couldn't do any bad which it was something that bothered me somehow cause no one is perfect I would tell him that and he would insist that I was flawless and that he loved me unconditionally just the way I was perfect but when things went down he would say that I had to love him the same that I was selfish and greedy and didn't love him like he did because I didn't want to accept his crap.
Author apr1l Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 thank you Itspointless I am not sure what I am now honestly the more I read the more I see similarities and is hurtful, I am in shock trying to process all this in my mind , I also hope I can accept this and even more that I can move on. Love back for you.
Itspointless Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 thank you Itspointless I am not sure what I am now honestly the more I read the more I see similarities and is hurtful, I am in shock trying to process all this in my mind , I also hope I can accept this and even more that I can move on. Love back for you. Thanks Apr1l Do not rush yourself. Acceptance means as much as the acknowledgement that something really is what it seems like and taking that away. That only took me a year after a relation of a little more of four months. I am now two years further and still amazed what it did to me. Sometimes people really mesh with us. We also have a big part in what happened. For us it is important to see what that part was and why we did play it as such. The why is a difficult question which needs pondering. It is tempting not to do, but if we do not we probably repeat it.
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