adsolo84 Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 Hi I'm new here Long story so sorry to bore you all! I was in a same sex relationship with a woman for over 7 years, about 6 weeks ago she ended it out of the blue. As far as I was aware things were going good. When she ended it she said there was no one else, she loved me as a friend and she just couldn't cope being with a woman anymore. She had always had difficulty accepting she wanted a woman and she insisted we keep our relationship a secret. We do have a very close bond and I really don't want to lose that. Since then I have found out she had been cheating on me with a man and now they are a couple. Earlier in the year I found out she was on a dating website sending dirty messages and pictures to men and this is how she met this guy. I forgave her for it because she said it meant nothing and she just liked male attention but I guess I never fully trusted her since. Just as I come to terms with one thing she hits me with something else. I'm in a really difficult situation because not only do we own an house together but we also work together so the no contact rule is nearly impossible at the minute. She has been making my life a misery, her treatment of me was so bad that I was pretty much forced to leave my home and live back with my parents. She says she wants us to be best friends and that I am the most important person to her and always will be but how she has acted I find that hard to believe. I'm a bit of a loner and don't really have many friends, she was my best friend and I based my entire life around her. I think that's why I feel so isolated and am struggling with this. I told her I can never come home and be her friend while this man is around but she says she isn't ending it. She is quite a selfish, spoilt and cruel person. She definitely lacks empathy and has destroyed lifes to get what she wants. She isn't the person that I fell in love with. I feel like she is humiliating and degrading me and there are constant lies. She has apologised for everything but it always seems so insincere. I'm struggling with things at the minute. I'm having to go to the doctors because I'm suffering from anxiety and depression . I'm barely sleeping or eating. A few weeks ago she text me saying that she was ending it with him because she didn't want to lose me and that he wasn't right for her, she wouldn't let him back, that I was the only person she could trust etc. A few hours later she told me she made a mistake saying that and she was going to contact him again. I feel like she is messing with my feelings and emotions constantly. I've told her only to contact me now regarding the house but I'm finding it really difficult. I miss my way of life more than anything. I could have coped with the end of the relationship but I'm finding it hard to cope with how she has treated me since. She has shown me no respect. I think she is a very confused person and has no idea who or what she wants. She told me that she's lost and has no idea what she's doing anymore. I don't know how to cope with the feelings caused by the cheating, they are so overwhelming. I feel so disrespected, worthless and betrayed by the one person who I thought would never hurt me. I'm replaying everything over in my head, how could I have stopped it, what is wrong with me, I'm imagining them together. I feel so replaced and that she has thrown away all our years together for a man she has known a few months. My mind just won't stop spinning. I've told her how I feel but she just doesn't listen or care. I think she thinks that I can just get over this in a few weeks. She has been receiving threatening texts since this happened and I believe it's something to do with him or his ex but she is so naive so can't accept that. She even told me herself she didn't trust him reading the texts but then the next minute it isn't him. I feel like she is getting herself into dangerous grounds and I don't want anything to happen to her but also I feel like I should admit she is not my problem anymore and walk away. I really believed that I had my life sorted. I had met someone I loved and set up home together. Now I don't feel like I have the energy to start again and I'm finding it hard to see a future for myself. Before this happened I always struggled with depression and anxiety but I feel like this has pushed me over the edge and I don't know how to overcome it. I cut contact with her but I broke it yesterday and messaged her and since then I feel worse. Thanks for reading
Ic1 Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 I should admit she is not my problem anymore and walk away. ... I cut contact with her but I broke it yesterday and messaged her and since then I feel worse. It's so obvious what you should do, and you even know it. I have a friend going through a similar situation, and she's seeing a counselor. You need to too, or need to address this aspect/fact of your life to the one handling your depression and anxiety. This is because you haven't truly broken up with her yet in your mind. Letting her simply say sorry so many times, and even being the one to text her first after NC. Contact your phone service, and have her number blocked. At work, don't let yourself be around her without someone else in the same room.
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