I'm the dumper but i feel like the dumpee

[biffyjoe]

Hello, this is a long post so bare with me. I was with my girlfriend for close to two years. This girl was my first and i was her first too. We always had a very strong relationship, and loved each other to bits. Within the last few months of our relationship i became very depressed and negative, and I noticed she became cold and distant . We had been at school together so we were very close but because im a year older than her so i left school, and as the next term started she was back with her friends and only saw me once a week. This was the time i was was very down because i didn't have a job and was unsure of what i wanted to do with my life. This is when she started to become cold and distant, saying things like 'im glad im back with my friends'

 

Naturally I overreacted and became very clingy and needy, writing her cheesy love messages, telling her how much I love her. I honestly did love her and still do, and I thought I would marry her. She went from saying she wanted to be with me forever at the start to 'well most first couples don't stay together.'

 

Towards the end I didn't trust her like I did before because she started to insult me subtly, and appear very judgemental. i went through her phone (I know this was wrong) and found loads of messages telling her friend how she wish we would break up. Insulting my looks, my personality, even posts on social media. She was also talking about this other boy she liked. I

confronted her about it and she started crying over me going through her phone. I just took her home and later that day changed my fb status to single without talking to her. I know this was a little bit silly but i was hurt.

 

A week later I tried contacting her saying sorry and whether we could have another chance, she said 'why would I want to be with someone who treated me like , went through my phone and dumped me without saying a word. You broke my heart ' it really hurt because I treated her like gold and genuinely loved her to bits yet she seems to try and justify her actions . After being sick of being pushed around by her, i just said you broke my heart not the other way round. Bye. She then sent another really long mesaage about how I mistreated her. I just ignored it and deleted it.

 

I'm slightly confused because yes I did break up with her, I didn't want to but I had no choice but it felt like I had been dumped. Does she genuinely not see her mistakes her or is she just trying to justify herself because she knows she was wrong? She treated me like **** yet thinks it's the other way round which is not true at all. Its like she's is trying to convince herself that i'm in the wrong because she knows shes wrong.

 

It really hurts seeing a girl who complexly idolised you at the start and was sweet and innocent, to someone who completely takes your love for granted and walks over you. I accept that i made some mistakes and did some foolish things but i never disrespected her, and always treated her like gold. I just hope one day she really realises how well i treated her and feels guilty. i've started no contact now and won't talk to her unless she talks to me but i hope one day we can get back together ( god knows why).

If you made it to the end, well done haha

[Chronotrgr]

She sounds like a cheeky brat, to be honest, there isn't an awful lot you can do in this situation, I don't know why she turned cold and distant, I've had women pull this on me in every relationship I've ever been in, I didn't understand it then and I don't understand it now, maybe it's a classic case of being emotionally immature?.

 

If she can't appreciate the fact you looked passed the nasty things she said about you to her friends and tried to put things back together, and if she can't chalk your reaction up to being one of impulse because your hurt because of something she did? Then sorry, you might as well be talking to a brick wall.

 

I'd love to give you some insight but I'm in a whirlwind myself after my ex acted similar to yours, it was like she could do you wrong, and when your clearly broken up about it, she could somehow twist the situation around to look like it's the fault of your own, it was almost as if she knowingly took my entitlement to my feelings of upset away, I can't explain it and at times when I think about it, it drives me nuts because I had to apologise so often in the past for her mistakes!

 

I finished her after she kicked me out but like you, I feel like I'm the one who got thrown in the trash.