Terms of Friendearment?

[anonymousbear00101100]

I got out of a long term relationship a couple of months ago, and recently this girl I know introduced me to one of her friends to get me back out there The weekend before finals and winter break, my friend and I and these two girls hung out twice until 4:00 in the morning. The girl I was introduced to gave me her number.

 

So now it's Christmas break, and the past five days or so we've been texting pretty much all day. It's 2:00 in the morning here, and we just said goodnight. She's even initiated contact on multiple occasions. I feel like those are all good signs.

 

However, the past two nights when she tells me she's going to go to sleep, she has said some thing along the lines of "Alright pal, I'm off to sleep" and "Okay friend I'm going to bed".

 

I often call people buddy or pal ironically, so I'm trying to weigh the positive signs vs the negative. When I've had to "friend zone" someone in the past, I don't keep texting them all day and night, and I especially never initiated contact. I'm also still just getting to know this person, and I would never jump into any relationship without already being pretty good friends. But it seems like this is could be a purposeful way for her to tell me not to get any ideas (even though it was only on the two mentioned occasions).

 

I've been out of "The Game" for so long, I don't even really remember what it was like trying to "get" my previous girlfriend. My question is would you ever continue to talk at length with someone you've "friend zoned", and would you ever call someone you could see yourself with "buddy" or "pal", even ironically or as a way to throw them off the trail?

Edited December 26, 2015 by rjblak13

[Leucine]

If you've been texting her for five days without any indication of things progressing from your end, she is probably going to start seeing you as a "pal" rather than a subject of romantic interest. You have to go for the kill in the dating game, ask her out to start with.

Edited December 26, 2015 by Leucine

[salparadise]

^ Yup, what he said.

 

Heterosexual man and woman... age appropriate with some attraction... met recently and have texted constantly for five days...

 

You better make your move or she's going to think you just don't have any lead in your pencil. The only interpretation I'd have on her use of those terms is that she's telling you how you're making her feel. Change that before she gets frustrated and bangs a bag boy at the grocery store!

[czen]

I think you're reading WAY too much into things and perhaps a bit desperate. Like be honest with yourself, would you have given the pal thing a second thought if you were not already too invested in it?

 

I agree this is a pretty awful time for dating, it's christmas break, I don't know how long that will be and where you guys live, but I am assuming you guys are not in the same city right now? If you are, ask her out, right now.

 

If you aren't just, do your own thing. I think texting is a terrible form of communication. Yeah, you can be funny and flirtatious, but it's hard to bring it across, and even harder to see its effect. Plus there is always the chance the conversation abruptly stops, making you wonder "What the hell went wrong?!".

 

I would personally tone down a bit on the texting, enjoy your break, and ask er out the first week you guys are both back at university, and escalate from there.

 

To answer your question: you really can't say for sure either. I have talked to women for hours on the phone, who then only wanted to be friends. I have spent perhaps one hour with a girl who in turn ended up infatuated with me. As long as you're flirtatious, show your intent and move the interaction forward, you should be fine. Just think it's way better to do that in person.

[Leucine]

^ Yup, what he said.

 

Heterosexual man and woman... age appropriate with some attraction... met recently and have texted constantly for five days...

 

You better make your move or she's going to think you just don't have any lead in your pencil. The only interpretation I'd have on her use of those terms is that she's telling you how you're making her feel. Change that before she gets frustrated and bangs a bag boy at the grocery store!

 

Yep, that's generally what happens when you miss your chance to make a move. Welcome back to the game!

[angel.eyes]

Stop with the analysis paralysis and ask her out on an actual date already. Set it up now for when you both get back. Yes= romantic potential. Anything other than yes = yup! you're in the friend zone.

[anonymousbear00101100]

I agree this is a pretty awful time for dating, it's christmas break, I don't know how long that will be and where you guys live, but I am assuming you guys are not in the same city right now?

 

This is exactly correct. I won't be in the same city as her for two more weeks or else I would have already asked her out. I didn't want to be forgotten over winter break, so I figured I needed to make some type of move, which the only thing I can do is text.

 

To be honest though, I've about forgotten how to flirt. I'm just trying to be interesting/funny/nice and progress the conversation, letting it grow organically. There is already a lot more substance than there was day on day 1. I think I may have been a bit too nice since I'm just trying to get to know her. I have never been "friend zoned" since I put myself in the position of power, deciding whether or not I want to be with them, but it seems I may not be getting a choice this time.

 

I just don't know what I should do now since we're four hours apart. I don't want to come across as desperate or creepy since I'm just barely getting to know her. I feel like if she was at all interested in me in the first place, getting to know her as a friend over break wouldn't hurt that. Setting myself up for the return to school is what I've been trying to do, I just hope I'm not messing that up.

[anonymousbear00101100]

Yep, that's generally what happens when you miss your chance to make a move. Welcome back to the game!

 

Wow I should have taken that job at the supermarket over the summer after all eh?

[angel.eyes]

This is exactly correct. I won't be in the same city as her for two more weeks or else I would have already asked her out. I didn't want to be forgotten over winter break, so I figured I needed to make some type of move, which the only thing I can do is text.

 

I beg to differ! There are lots of other things you could be doing instead of aimlessly texting until 2 or 4 am. How about asking her out on a date? Then she would actually have something to look forward to in 2-3 weeks when you're both back. Then texting has a purpose. Then you know whether she's open to dating you or just wants to be friends.

Edited December 26, 2015 by angel.eyes

[anonymousbear00101100]

I beg to differ! There are lots of other things you could be doing instead of aimlessly texting until 2 or 4 am. How about asking her out on a date? Then she would actually have something to look forward to in 2-3 weeks when you're both back. Then texting has a purpose. Then you know whether she's open to dating you or just wants to be friends.

 

This is a great idea! Though the thought of how that conversation might go has made me realize I likely have friend zoned myself, since it'd be a bit out of the blue. I should probably adjust the conversation dynamic.

[angel.eyes]

Yet more delays and excuses why you can't ask her out now! All you're doing is just shooting yourself in the foot. Ask her out.

[xcupid]

Too much texting if you haven't met in real life yet. You romance her, not be just her friend. And that comes with meeting her in real life, not over a cell phone.

[czen]

I would just ask her out now-after having talked/texted a bit, and at a seeming 'high point' so when she laughs or whatever, or just relax on the texting and ask her out when you both are back.