How to overcome the insecurity of having a partner being too close to your friends?

[Idkn0tcreative]

Now the reason is because I just got out of a 4 year relationship, where my ex and I gave each other our full and utmost undivided attention. We would constantly text, call, FaceTime each other everyday just to reassure the attention we craved from each other. We'd barely hang out with friends, and we enclosed ourselves in our own little bubble throughout our entire 4 year relationship. I eventually grew tired of it and started feeling that I needed space of my own, wanting to hang out with friends, or just to be by myself in my own thoughts.

 

Because of that, I'm not used to this type of open relationship I'm having with this new girl that I'm really into. We're still dealing, but we both know a relationship is bound to happen in the very near future. She has a lot of friends that I haven't gotten to know yet, but I introduced her to mine first. And my friends usually hang in a group that I mostly only hang out with. I have a few childhood friends who belong in that group too. Now that she and them are comfortable with each other, she finds that she really enjoys spending time with them. So much that she'd be there almost the whole day while I'm not with her, and she'd go home late at night, or sometimes even sleepover. I'm trying to be okay with it because I know it'll create problems in the future if not. Like I understand that time apart and time together is beneficial in order to keep things balanced, and to have a healthy relationship. What sucks is i sometimes tend to be passive aggressive if she'd ask if she could stay with my friends when I'm about to leave after spending time altogether. I just don't want to get into another selfish type of relationship, so I try my best to keep my cool even if it slightly bothers me.

 

She's a nice girl. She's honest with me, she tells me her plans, and even sometimes what she's doing. She even texts me from time to time that she misses me. We've had nice dates, and we get intimate when we'd have the chance. But I get insecure thinking she enjoys hanging out with them more than she does with me, even when I know it isn't the case. Like she says how she really likes them, how she finds them cute, how she's happy that she spending time with them, all while I'm not even there with her, and that triggers some jealousy in me. I'm just really not used to having someone dividing their attention away from me after coming out of a relationship where it's only been attention thrown at me by the same person for years.

 

I know it's a silly insecurity that could easily be overcome, and that's why I need some sort of reassurance or advice on how to handle my emotions about the subject.

[Bito]

Sounds like she actively trying to be a part of your life. I would talk with her about what your feeling. Tell her you feel uncomfortable when she sleeps over at your friends house. Does she not have a place of her own? Or does she just not like to be alone?

 

Comunication seems like your problem here.

 

Also, Good job recognizing you are being passive aggressive. Make a concerted effort to try and be more open and I think you will find that behavior will stop on its own.

[BelleSkye]

You just have to accept the situation, just like how your previous ex just had to accept the situation of you leaving her to be with your own thoughts / space. If you tried communication in your previous relationship, maybe you would not be in this current spot.

 

If you want, tell your current girlfriend how insecure you feel. Its the truth. Otherwise, just let her do her own thing.

[Tayla]

best time to thwart off future unhealthy patterns is.. in the now. You recognize this, time to confront it.

 

People and friends in the inner circle change thru circumstances... our constant is those we wish to weave thru life together. Is this person such? You decide, and then work towards that path.

 

Most couples complain ( as a way to control) about how much time is being dedicated to a person or event. The guy obcessed with sports, the gal who parties too much. Fair things to address upfront. Moderation is key.

How blessed to have welcoming friends... maybe they will be your source when you need an objective perspective...

[Idkn0tcreative]

I guess it's an ego thing hesitating to talk to her about. Instead, I just want to know if should be worried that she does this, so that I can just accept it and move on with it.