SuitandTie Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 I'm actually asking this for a friend, but he asked me advice and I kinda was at a loss, so was hoping I could relay some info from here to him So my friend (A, 22) and this girl (B, 19) have known each other for a few months. I met her once, and seems like a great girl. I know he is a good guy, funny, sweet, and caring. Chemistry definitely seemed to be there. According to my friend, they started dating about 1.5 month ago. They did some sexual things, and things seemed to be progressing. However, then A's on-and-off girlfriend came back into the picture (who imo is not good for him at all), and A told B he wanted to see if there was still something there. So they cut off all contact. Well within a month, it was clear there really wasn't anything there. A contacts B again, but she seems a lot colder. They still text and call a lot, but according to A, it just seems off. Apparently at some point he came on a bit too strong and B said she only wanted to be friends right now, that she is not ready for anything. Which according to A is a far cry from the girl just a month ago, who was seemingly could not wait to get in a relationship. I told him that she's probably hurt because a) you did not say anything about your ex, and b) you suddenly went back to your ex. Another recent development is that all of a sudden the conversation has stalled. No more calls, no more texting initiative from her side, shorter replies and she is ignoring messages now too (not questions, but messages that you could easily hook into to continue the convo). So what do you guys think? Is there anything to salvage here, and if so, how? My friend thinks he messed it up, but he genuinely likes this girl, so he does not just want to throw in the towel.
MidwestUSA Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 A blew it. She isn't going to give him a second chance, and, IMO, she shouldn't. B assumed she was in a relationship, and he dumped her for his ex. Who's to say he won't do it again? Douche move.
almond Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 She doesn't want to be some guy's backup plan. I'd say there is nothing left for your friend here - he should move on. Even if they do get together, this girl will never forget that she was dropped like a sack of crap for an ex, and it will impact them both. Once you ditch someone for another girl, the bridge is well and truly burnt in my opinion. 1
Author SuitandTie Posted December 26, 2015 Author Posted December 26, 2015 EDIT: Probably should have explained this better: A did not dump B for he ex, it was more that he wanted to end things with his ex on proper terms, before starting things with this new girl. He obviously already did start things with B, but he wanted to not leave any loose ends (he and ex lived together, wanted to make sure they divided up stuff right, moving out, etc.) before he completely went all in with B. But my friend thinks B interpreted it as a "I'm going to keep you on the backburner", since A told B that he needed to figure things out with his ex first. So they went NC (on her request) so he could clear hs mind and figure it all out. Not sure if that changes anything, but it was not a straight-up "I am going to first mess around with m ex because you're not as important" kind of thing.
MidwestUSA Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 You specifically stated that he wanted to see if there was 'still something there' with the ex, not that he wanted to tie up loose ends. I'm not buying your edit. Sorry. If there were 'loose ends' he shouldn't have dated B and led her on.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 You specifically stated that he wanted to see if there was 'still something there' with the ex, not that he wanted to tie up loose ends. I'm not buying your edit. Sorry. If there were 'loose ends' he shouldn't have dated B and led her on. This. OP, are you A? In any event, A blew it. B is smart to stay away. A needs to grow up. 1
Author SuitandTie Posted December 26, 2015 Author Posted December 26, 2015 This. OP, are you A? In any event, A blew it. B is smart to stay away. A needs to grow up. Oh no no, but I just posted it as A thought B interpreted the situation. He told her he had to figure it out, which he thinks she interpreted it as "I'm going to pursue her" hence the sudden apprehension. But yeah, I don't think A now can be like "Oh, was it not obvious that I wanted to figure out the logistics!:laugh:". So guess that he did blow it.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 Oh no no, but I just posted it as A thought B interpreted the situation. He told her he had to figure it out, which he thinks she interpreted it as "I'm going to pursue her" hence the sudden apprehension. But yeah, I don't think A now can be like "Oh, was it not obvious that I wanted to figure out the logistics!:laugh:". So guess that he did blow it. Your friend is playing with words to serve his own purposes. He left to try again with his ex. Plain and simple. Now he's back-peddling because he realizes he effed up. Most women will see right through that nonsense. B is a smart girl. 1
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