Netsky4life Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 (edited) Hi all! A couple of weeks ago i met an astonishing girl on tinder, i treated here as a random pickup offcourse, but our bond got stronger, first facebook, after that number + texts. We chatted around for 2 weeks before we went on a date, we couldn't do it earlier due to a busy schedule for both of us. During those 2 weeks up until the date we had daily conversations initiated by both 90% of it was teasing and playfull and 10% was serious and emotional. So far so good right, well past wednesday we went on a date, nothing special, something casual (christmas market + some lounge bars) and i went there whit the toughts off beeing the alpha male, afterall our conversations were fun and playfull. We both were stressed out it seems, and then before i arrived karma hit me like a truck . (my ex texted me => stupid bitch ) And yes it had an effect on me... So i told the date after she asked how i was doing i was glad to see here, blabla but that my ex texted me some emotional crap (she's trying to get contact whit me again, my date saw it bothered me)... Well the night started and initially i planned to make it a playfull bit sexual date, but it ended up beeing a serious date talking about personality and random stuff, during the night i made the mistake several times of mentioning my ex (yeah i am dumb ****)... Anyway date ended bad because of that and i had something which felt like a goodbye hug, i went home disapointed but i thought off oh well i deserved it so next... But she texted me she got flashed for speeding on here way home, so i was like hey she's stil texting me (totally didnt expect that) so i started to text back, throw the compassion ball, blabla and asked her to text me if she got home, just to be sweet, and we kept the convo going... I asked here if she was into a 2nd date (nothing to lose so why the **** not) she said she didnt felt like it right away and blabla... So i figured hey its over fine... She answered me: my heart is saying yes to you, i don't want you out of my life, my common sense says no... she added to that that i should let her know when my ex was totally out of the picture (i want her to be out of the picture, but she stalks me and that bothers me (no peace and quiet)... When she texted that i made a mindswitch and i became alhpa male again... Saying i didnt have to prove myself to her about my true intentions and that my ex was over, i stated that my ex helped shaped my personality and that if she was intrested she needs to take the positive and negative aspects of that story whit the package etc... (this was a bit bold , but i figured **** it i got nothing to lose so its my way or the highway), she tried friendzoning me then, i said NOOO, i said i am sexualy and romanticly intrested in you and not as friends, i made that pritty clear... She went silent shortly and then she reacted a bit buthurt and afraid i would delete here from facebook/tinder/phone and add here to my ignore list (i do have an ego she says afterall ). So i answered i would act mature and don't do that but that didnt meant i would be anything else then here next boyfriend... We both went to bed... And the next couple of days (been 2 days)... she initiated majority of the contact whit me, and i replied but i stopped everytime she answered short or whit emoticons or... so i am leaving most initiative up to here (i started it once)... She is keeping track of me and on average stil texts me around 20-30 messages a day (which i stop every time i feel like) , we even had a bit of a sexual convo, which i totally didnt expect after the horrible date... So i got confused, i was like digging that girl who's date i blewed, then thought it was over, and then suprised she stil initiates that much contact.... So i talked about it to a real life friend and showed him my text convo i had whit here and my friend answered me i got lucky, i asked him how so? He said you may have blewn a date but she's stil intrested i can see that the way she's texting... I told him, well she might be trying to friendzone me, which i totally don't want... He said nah, she got hurt but you made it clear you don't want to be friends and she's texting you in a way more then friends... So up until now this situation is going, out of the blue she texts kisses, hearts, love signs etc... goodnights, asks me how i am doing and what i am doing... So those are all positive signs it aint over yet... So in the past 2 days i kept pushing in the convo's i had for a second date, initially she kept on saying... we'll see what the future brings, but today she was starting to make room for a second date, i could notice that from the way she texted... So what i am thinking right now is: how the **** do i proceed, whitout beeing needy, to pushy for a second date and whitout giving here a total hard to get cold finger (prior to the date texting each other was like a daily habbit which had large proportions)... I am leaving majority off initiating contact to here, and when i text back i often throw in something flirty or teasing, which she laughs and likes but after a few short convo's the haha's and emoticons are back again... (after which i end convo again)... So how should i adress this so she opens up more and is more receiving again to a 2nd date... All advice appreciated. cheers! Edited December 26, 2015 by Netsky4life
Ami1uwant Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 What do you have to gain in this? You play SN alpha make role she wants you, you be yourself she friend zones you.
Author Netsky4life Posted December 26, 2015 Author Posted December 26, 2015 What do you have to gain in this? You play SN alpha make role she wants you, you be yourself she friend zones you. Well what do i have to gain is obvisouly clarity, i like the girl and i am intrested, but friendzoning i don't need... So yeah getting some clarity off how things could progress in either direction a or b is what i want. Sole reason is i consider myself to good to have no clarity. And i got no problems whit stepping my foot up. But she makes ùe curious, so closing this option right away is like not done either. What your stating about me aint true though, the only reason why she would friendzone me is because my ex stalks me, the way she texts me she is obvisouly very intrested. But she's scared as hell... also because off a past relationsship she had. She's very confident except in dating, which is weird... but that's all because of here past... So yeah what do i expect is simple: either no contact or either a second date, the sooner the better. I am giving here some time now to see if we could have a second date and if not its over... .But for some odd reasons she keeps on coming on strong at me, but she doesn't maintain that vibe constantly, she seems very confused emotionally... Not beeing able to miss me, but doubting in the meanwhile, and slowly she's doing more and more effort, which is good. But i don't want to give here the friendzone idea, not at all.... **** that. So q is: how do i keep persistent in making here want me as a lover not as a friend (i don't think she has this intention though, i would ditch here if i was sure she did, but you can never be certain afterall)
IronZ Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 My thoughts on this: You view Tinder as something non-romantic. She on the other hand is emotionally attached. She likes you but she's afraid of that anchor you got holding you back. You shouldn't try to be with her unless you're actually ready to and plan to make something serious of it. She's looking for something serious. Are you?
Author Netsky4life Posted December 26, 2015 Author Posted December 26, 2015 My thoughts on this: You view Tinder as something non-romantic. She on the other hand is emotionally attached. She likes you but she's afraid of that anchor you got holding you back. You shouldn't try to be with her unless you're actually ready to and plan to make something serious of it. She's looking for something serious. Are you? I am, i am very much convinced she could be the one for me as well. Reason why i would like a second date, and yes she is afraid i can tell and i blame myself for causing it. I aint really a lying type of guy nor am i standerd player, i tend to have a lot of easy going contacts whit woman but barely any into a deeper lvl, i do have that whit here, and she knows that... . But the anchor of a stalking ex bothers here. So i decided to stop mentioning everything my ex tries throwing at me, until my ex gives up. But besides that i am more concerned about how i convince here that my intentions are true. I know they are for me, but it needs to be a 2 way street, the signs are positive but here fear is causing a block which i am wondering how i can let it melt whitout ending up beeing friendzoned.
IronZ Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 Not mentioning your ex is good. Definitely the way to go there. I would take it a step further and make it clear to your ex that you've moved on and not to bother you again. Do something to make that whole thing stop. You want to have no contact between you two. That way you can truly move on. It's not just about deceiving the new girl into thinking you're over it. You have to actually be over it. Obviously do still talk to the new girl to keep up her interest but when you think you're ready, ask her out again and let her know the focus is on her.
Author Netsky4life Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 Not mentioning your ex is good. Definitely the way to go there. I would take it a step further and make it clear to your ex that you've moved on and not to bother you again. Do something to make that whole thing stop. You want to have no contact between you two. That way you can truly move on. It's not just about deceiving the new girl into thinking you're over it. You have to actually be over it. Obviously do still talk to the new girl to keep up her interest but when you think you're ready, ask her out again and let her know the focus is on her. Well i'll be honest whit this, as long as i don't have any new relationsship i do like the attention i get from my ex, negative attention also is attention. And yes this may sound wrong and superficial, but thats how people are in general anyway so **** that ^^. I had a crush a while ago, pritty similar, some fun weeks, didn't work out for some reasons, i said screw it and she can't leave me alone either... Do i like the attention i get from here? Hell yeah... Does that stop me from dating looking for a good match? Nope... But i am intrigued by the one i am working whit atm... So thats my focus, i aint gonne say in the meanwhile well i am unavailable i am dating... Screw that ****...
DontBreakEven Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I don't understand what it is that you are asking. It seems like she's totally into you (still), and now you are playing games by cutting off texting as soon as she starts showing smilies and stuff? Wth? Just tell her you really like her and ask her on a 2nd date.
Author Netsky4life Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 I don't understand what it is that you are asking. It seems like she's totally into you (still), and now you are playing games by cutting off texting as soon as she starts showing smilies and stuff? Wth? Just tell her you really like her and ask her on a 2nd date. I already did, but she is scared atm to go on a second date because of how i screwed up, i aint gonne be asking every day to go on a second date, that's way to needy...
road Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Whether man or woman no one wants to be the rebound bee-itch. She was not unreasonable to want you to go NC with your ex. No one wants to enter a relationship only to get dumped for the ex. Ex's are an ex for a reason. There is no reason to maintain contact. She was right to request that you block your ex.
Natalie8 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Anyone who talks about their ex in a very negative way and refers to them as a bitch would be a huge red flag for me. Unfortunarely lots of guys think they can impress a girl on a first date by slagging off their ex. It mostly has the opposite effect. Dont mention your ex anymore. Seems like she is interested in you ( which is suprising after the way you spoke to her when she raised her very valid concerns about you not being over your ex.). I would just ask her again to go on a date. Otherwise what the point in all of this back and forth texting.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Anyone who talks about their ex in a very negative way and refers to them as a bitch would be a huge red flag for me. Unfortunarely lots of guys think they can impress a girl on a first date by slagging off their ex. It mostly has the opposite effect. Dont mention your ex anymore. Seems like she is interested in you ( which is suprising after the way you spoke to her when she raised her very valid concerns about you not being over your ex.). I would just ask her again to go on a date. Otherwise what the point in all of this back and forth texting. Agreed with the above. OP, cut off your ex. Don't be so needy for validation and attention that you allow that to continue. I can't tell you how much of a turn-off that is for women, and as you're seeing, it will destroy a lot of potential. Is it really worth it for that few seconds of an ego-stroke? If it is, you're not ready to be in a relationship. Just ask her out again. If she repeats that she's not ready, wish her the best and move along. What's happened is already done. It's silly to waste time with all this texting if she's not interested in going out again.
IronZ Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I already did, but she is scared atm to go on a second date because of how i screwed up, i aint gonne be asking every day to go on a second date, that's way to needy... You didn't screw up. You had a moment of weakness because you're still hung up in some way over the ex, who by the way knows she can mess you up just by popping up in your life. You let an ex have that kind of control over you? Get over it man. You got a seemingly great girl here that really likes you. Like I said before, once you're truly over the ex, give the new girl a fair chance. It doesn't sound like you're doing that now. Maybe it's pheromones or something psychological but a wise woman can always tell when you're not completely into her. You're only holding yourself back. Start by getting out of your own way.
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