My interest goes in and out. Should I give him a chance?

[MissLY]

Been dating this guy for a month. We've gone out 7 times total. Initially, I really dug this guy. We have good conversation and I really enjoy his company. By the 3rd date, I asked him what he was looking for. He told me "a lifelong partner, eventually." then followed this up with "I would never lead you on and date you if I didn't see you as a potential girlfriend." That made me feel good, knowing he wasn't looking for anything casual. We kissed, and it was fire.

 

Here's where things start to change a bit. On our last 4 dates, he's gotten VERY comfortable and it feels like he's latching onto me. He's opened up and shared practically everything about himself. He wants to spend the weekends together, whether its just me or with my friends. He's admitted to not dating OR sleeping with other women. He says he just masterbates himself to sleep if he's feeling horny. (We haven't had sex yet)

 

I don't know what to do. I sent him a Merry Christmas text today and he said it back. Then he followed up with "you've been on my mind all week. I really look forward to getting to know you more. I love our energy. 2016 is gonna be our year!" I haven't responded yet.

 

Either things are moving rapidly fast or I'm not as into him as I thought. I love the way he makes me feel, he's very affectionate and we have great chemistry, but I'm getting this extreme clingy vibe from him and I'm still interested in keeping my options open.

 

Honestly, I can't even explain what happened. It's quite frustrating. I was so attracted in the beginning, now I just don't care as much. Has anyone ever felt this way about someone who ended up becoming a boyfriend/girlfriend?

 

Any thoughts/suggestions are appreciated.

Edited December 26, 2015 by MissLili

[angel.eyes]

Clingy vibe? Seriously?

 

I would expect a guy I'm dating not to be sleeping around a month into dating me. If he were, I personally would drop him like a rock!

 

It sounds as if you use different criteria to find guys attractive. What types of relationships have you had in the past? Are you looking for more of the same in your future?

[MissLY]

Clingy vibe? Seriously?

 

I would expect a guy I'm dating not to be sleeping around a month into dating me. If he were, I personally would drop him like a rock!

 

It sounds as if you use different criteria to find guys attractive. What types of relationships have you had in the past? Are you looking for more of the same in your future?

 

I haven't had many long-term relationships. I've dated players and "bad boys" for several years. I'm completely done with that stage of my life, and I'm craving to meet a great quality man who is CRAZY about me, and this guy seems to be just that. I just don't know why my interest level has suddenly gone up and down. His extreme attention is something that I love, but at the same time, it feels a bit suffocating.

 

I'll probably meet up with him and simply say that he's coming on a bit too strong and see what happens.

[angel.eyes]

The issue isn't him. The issue is you and what attracts you...guys who sleep around instead of focusing on you. Cheaters, players, and bad boys who have zero interest in letting you in because they're planning to get in, get what they want, and get out quickly.

 

Until you fix you, you won't be attracted to guys who make good dating partners (i.e. emotionally available, sincere, dependable, non-cheaters) who take the time to get to know you and share who they actually are...the building blocks needed in any healthy, successful long-term relationship.

[mariekatie]

Yes I'm was in the same situation. I've even posted threads doubting my relationship. (Sorry to people who responded & I didn't respond there, was out for a long business trip & thread closed)

 

So anyway, in the beginning I was in your position, I was attracted strongly to my boyfriend (date at that time) and he was coming off strongly. And as days passed, I started to doubt the relationship because I felt like I couldn't love him as much as he did. I just felt exactly what you're feeling right now. You like him and know he's a great guy but you're feeling suffocated by his actions. He's not clingy, it's just because he found someone nice and wanted to treasure you. When someone feels strongly for another, they tend to do this. You felt it's overwhelming because you're not ready yet.

Also I was always dating jerks, ******* before him etc.. He was just too nice and I thought that I didn't love him. I tried talking to him and asked him to back off and he did.. Somehow it kinda work and now I'm deeply in love with him.

Please be honest to him, tell him you really like him but he needs to back off alittle but know that there's a risk you could screw it up too. You need to be careful on how you talk to him.

 

To be honest good guys like these are really rare nowadays, we are so used to dating *******s that we overlook the nice guys. Trust me, it will be worth it. My boyfriend is the most amazing person I've ever met. I would deeply regret if I had let him go when I was having doubts! Good luck!

[MissLY]

Yes I'm was in the same situation. I've even posted threads doubting my relationship. (Sorry to people who responded & I didn't respond there, was out for a long business trip & thread closed)

 

So anyway, in the beginning I was in your position, I was attracted strongly to my boyfriend (date at that time) and he was coming off strongly. And as days passed, I started to doubt the relationship because I felt like I couldn't love him as much as he did. I just felt exactly what you're feeling right now. You like him and know he's a great guy but you're feeling suffocated by his actions. He's not clingy, it's just because he found someone nice and wanted to treasure you. When someone feels strongly for another, they tend to do this. You felt it's overwhelming because you're not ready yet.

Also I was always dating jerks, ******* before him etc.. He was just too nice and I thought that I didn't love him. I tried talking to him and asked him to back off and he did.. Somehow it kinda work and now I'm deeply in love with him.

Please be honest to him, tell him you really like him but he needs to back off alittle but know that there's a risk you could screw it up too. You need to be careful on how you talk to him.

 

To be honest good guys like these are really rare nowadays, we are so used to dating *******s that we overlook the nice guys. Trust me, it will be worth it. My boyfriend is the most amazing person I've ever met. I would deeply regret if I had let him go when I was having doubts! Good luck!

 

This is incredibly refreshing to read. Thank you for sharing!

[angel.eyes]

TBH, good guys are in the majority. Most women who are attracted to and date crap guys and players tend to have broken pickers. They usually have a pattern of making bad choices and sabotaging budding relationships with great guys in the rare instance where one makes it through.

 

Lili work on you instead of trying to change the guy you're dating.

Edited December 26, 2015 by angel.eyes

[sin miedo]

Hmm, I would do some reflection within rather than find out what the deal is with this guy. When I was younger, I was that "player" who would go for women who were visually attractive but had low self-worth. Your original post reeks of someone who is in that transition stage from bad boys to real men. Sometimes it takes a couple men (or women in my case) to figure out what you really want. If you find yourself seriously losing interest in this guy, kick him to the curb immediately and don't string him on! Doing the latter will only hurt his feelings more. Good luck!

[IronZ]

Been dating this guy for a month. We've gone out 7 times total. Initially, I really dug this guy. We have good conversation and I really enjoy his company. By the 3rd date, I asked him what he was looking for. He told me "a lifelong partner, eventually." then followed this up with "I would never lead you on and date you if I didn't see you as a potential girlfriend." That made me feel good, knowing he wasn't looking for anything casual. We kissed, and it was fire.

 

Here's where things start to change a bit. On our last 4 dates, he's gotten VERY comfortable and it feels like he's latching onto me. He's opened up and shared practically everything about himself. He wants to spend the weekends together, whether its just me or with my friends. He's admitted to not dating OR sleeping with other women. He says he just masterbates himself to sleep if he's feeling horny. (We haven't had sex yet)

 

I don't know what to do. I sent him a Merry Christmas text today and he said it back. Then he followed up with "you've been on my mind all week. I really look forward to getting to know you more. I love our energy. 2016 is gonna be our year!" I haven't responded yet.

 

Either things are moving rapidly fast or I'm not as into him as I thought. I love the way he makes me feel, he's very affectionate and we have great chemistry, but I'm getting this extreme clingy vibe from him and I'm still interested in keeping my options open.

 

Honestly, I can't even explain what happened. It's quite frustrating. I was so attracted in the beginning, now I just don't care as much. Has anyone ever felt this way about someone who ended up becoming a boyfriend/girlfriend?

 

Any thoughts/suggestions are appreciated.

 

Hey no offense or nothing but you're the type of girl that would drive my crazy with your BS. I say this as constructive criticism but you seriously need to get a hold of how you act with this guy. From my perspective if I saw a girl 7 times and we still hadn't had sex, it's because I see a relationship there and I want to make things work. It would almost seem like you're holding out on him, like you're not completely sure he's good enough.

 

You talk about how you love how he makes you feel and have amazing chemistry and then also say you want to keep your options open. So basically you want to have your cake and eat it too?

 

Also, if I told a girl something like what he said during Christmas and she didn't reply back to me, I would be overthinking the hell out of it. Wondering why she wasn't texting back. Either start acting like his gf (because that's what he thinks you are to him) or split up. Don't play childish games like this. It doesn't feel good at all being in his shoes. Trust me, I've been there plenty of times.

[TheTraveler]

Here's where things start to change a bit. On our last 4 dates, he's gotten VERY comfortable and it feels like he's latching onto me. He's opened up and shared practically everything about himself. He wants to spend the weekends together, whether its just me or with my friends. He's admitted to not dating OR sleeping with other women. He says he just masterbates himself to sleep if he's feeling horny. (We haven't had sex yet)

 

I don't know what to do. I sent him a Merry Christmas text today and he said it back. Then he followed up with "you've been on my mind all week. I really look forward to getting to know you more. I love our energy. 2016 is gonna be our year!" I haven't responded yet.

 

Either things are moving rapidly fast or I'm not as into him as I thought. I love the way he makes me feel, he's very affectionate and we have great chemistry, but I'm getting this extreme clingy vibe from him and I'm still interested in keeping my options open.

 

Honestly, I can't even explain what happened. It's quite frustrating. I was so attracted in the beginning, now I just don't care as much. Has anyone ever felt this way about someone who ended up becoming a boyfriend/girlfriend?

 

Any thoughts/suggestions are appreciated.

 

He's moving way too fast. That is why you are having mixed emotions. You're not into it as much as he is and he's becoming overbearing and taking over your life. It's your call if you want to continue this.

[MissLY]

Hi everyone,

 

So I've decided that I want to work things out with my guy. I needed a few days to think everything over and I've come to this conclusion: I'm afraid of intimacy and I often reject love from available, relationship ready men. Never have I liked someone so much AND receive extreme attention at the same time, so when this man swooped into my life and started giving me that, I couldn't help but freak out and feel mixed emotions.

 

I would love your help on how I should proceed. He is still out of town for the Holidays with family. When he comes back, should I basically open up and share everything that I've told you? Or just leave it alone? Because I'm sure he's going to wonder why I've pulled back and created distance over the past week.

 

Thoughts are appreciated.

[smackie9]

well if you are planning to be in a relationship with him, you may as well start being honest with him on how you feel or how you have been feeling to his actions. Being flaky is going to mess things up for you.

I totally get that he's got that vibe going, and there is no more mystery about himself.....BORING! I myself would rather let things build up to big passion before the serious talk comes around. Not knowing is half the fun.

[Heracles]

After the kiss, he got comfortable way too fast; killed the fantasy and mystery by revealing way too much unnecessary information.

 

I mean, a guy who masturbates himself to sleep is not that much of catch now, is he?

 

The problem is not you. Most women - who are beautiful or desirable enough to afford it - go through the bad-boy phase.

 

At the end of the day, a woman want a man and as much as I hate to use this adjective, a real one.

 

"2016 is going to be our year" is something a woman would say. Your boyfriend just turned into a girlfriend. I hope you like girls in men's body.

[Iceshowers]

I had somewhat the same situation. The guy I was talking to was too strong too fast. He was very eager to meet me, and when we did meet (we first started talking on OLD), he kept coming on too strong. At first I thought he was very needy eventhough I knew his intentions were very pure and honest and we had a good chemistry and communication. So what I did was tell him that I wasn't ready for exclusivity and was talking to another guy aswell (also, I did tell him that I was keeping my options open, so there wasn't any surprises). Little by little I realized that he's the one I want in the long run, instead of a guy who likes to play or won't treat me well.

 

Well, nice guy won. So, be honest with him now so he can either tone it down or you both realize maybe it's not what you want. Sometimes someone that really likes you and can't wait to make memories can come off too strong, they get too excited over the beginning feelings of dating, and we just need to ground them or say next!

[GingerVixen]

I honestly would love to meet a guy who doesn't talk about sex for a while and is genuinely interested in getting to know me better.

 

It seems he wants something more from you, besides sex.

 

Obviously, if he is a player, playing the role of the good guy, he will dump you as soon as he gets what he wants but I don't think that's the case

[hhatesboys]

Hi! I'm new here, hope no one minds me jumping in. I just wanted to agree with the above. I would LOVE to meet a guy who didn't bring up sex almost immediately and ditch me when I'm like "I'm not going to have sex with you because you bought me some wings and a beer, dude."

 

So the fact that you've got one who is really interested should not scare you off. I get being creeped out by him moving too fast, but at the same time it sounds like he really likes you. So I think if you are just up front about that he will probably back off.