A-5 Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Who has stayed in a relationship just because they do not want to hurt the other person involved? Or because they dont want to break it off but dont want to be in it either? Or even just stayed in one they just plain dont want to be in?
Mary3 Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 I stayed for many reasons...far too long ...and wasted precious time in my life which today I am trying to get back. Why do we do it ? Many reasons : The faith and hope it will get better The kids ( if any ) Financial reasons : we cant make it alone $$$ The fear of being alone The fear of change The fear we will be making a mistake The fear that we did not try hard enough to make it work The list could go on and on but one thing is for sure. All relationships need re-evaultion periods where you decide how to improve or how to let go of one. Its never easy to do what is on your mind tonite. If you have any of the above of course its worth thinking about but dont waste precious years of your life if no counseling or therapy can change the seriousness of your situtaion Because you look back one day and say OMG I stayed sooooooo long and I felt guilty but I stayed and now its so very hard to know where to start over again. As long as you have tried everything you can think of , then you can be assured it was the right choice.
unsafe Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 I dated a guy a nice cute attorney. He was recently divorced but treated me well. The sex was great. But we didn't click. We work together. There were times I couldn't wait to see him but once I was there spending time he would piss me off because we didn't see eye to eye on pretty much everything. We loved kissing and hanging out and there was definite feelings, but something was wrong and I was so unhappy. I wasn't sure how to end things or if I should or could. We work together first off and second he seemed all about me. Talked about marriage kids he was older ten years older then me. But I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I just knew everything happens for a reason. And one day things changed I think he ran into his ex wife but he was never the same and stopped hanging out and calling. we dated for about 4 months. I was relieved but hurt. I was glad things happened, although I was hurt. But if you are in a relationship you don't want to be in. From someone who has gone through it . You might not get so lucky to get out like I did. Don't waste your time. Being single isn't always the best time but if being with someone you aren't happy with or don't like you could miss a great person or oppertunity.
dgiirl Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by A-5 Who has stayed in a relationship just because they do not want to hurt the other person involved? Or because they dont want to break it off but dont want to be in it either? Or even just stayed in one they just plain dont want to be in? My stbxh claims this. And it's the cruelest thing I've ever experienced. He found the courage to leave after he found another woman. If you're married, go to counselling. If you're not happy, get out. But DONT put guilt on the other person and tell them you never loved them and only felt pity for them. That will crush them. If what he says is true, how dare he waste my life! I could have spent those years finding someone who truely did love me.
Mary3 Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 true, how dare he waste my life! I could have spent those years finding someone who .....loved me.. Right On !
Sal Paradise Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 As everyone has said, you should never stay in a relationship out of pity. Do them a favor and let them go because it will eventually end so why waste their life because you're a coward (not saying you're one, I'm talking in general).
Author A-5 Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 Thanks for the replys. I'm just speaking in general, I hope....
scratch Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by A-5 Who has stayed in a relationship just because they do not want to hurt the other person involved? Or because they dont want to break it off but dont want to be in it either? Or even just stayed in one they just plain dont want to be in? This may be more philosophical than you can use, but a romantic relationship is, almost definitionally, a product of desire. If you don't want to be in it, you'll leave. There is a difference between a relationship that isn't perfect (or as good as it could be) and a relationship you don't want to be in. Take a long, hard look at the reasons people stay, and you'll see that deep down, they really don't want to leave.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 I let a relationship like that drag on for years past where it should have ended. Why? 1. status quo: it was easier to stay than to go and have to do all the 'dividing' that comes with a breakup 2. my family wanted the relationship more than I did - they saw him as a catch, and at the time I lacked the balls to do what I wanted to do 3. it beat being alone, and I got dates/gifts/etc. out of it 4. it was a guaranteed 'future': marriage, house, security, etc. 5. I didn't want to be the bad guy. 6. I didn't want to hurt someone who gave so much and trusted me. Trust me. It was far worse for him that I stayed. I ended up resenting him for my own weakness and inability to end the relationship. I treated him pretty poorly. If I had to do it over, I would have ended it AS SOON as I started falling out of love, and not a couple of years after the fact. A relationship that runs on guilt, obligation and inertia isn't fair for either partner to have to endure.
superfabulous Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 IN THE END I LEARNED all the reasons i left were valid and the man still has the same problems that drove me away- so no risk is the same as not living life-
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