Spikiera Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 Hello everyone, I am confused and hurt from this, your suggestions are much appreciated! I met this girl about 4 months ago, we started going out a few times and established interests roughly 2 months ago. At first, we both thought we just wanted to have fun and date non-exclusively. However, I started developing feelings for her and basically let her know that if she would still like to date around then I am out. She then reached out to me saying that she wants to be dating exclusively with me. From then on, we had a great time - lots of laughters, just awesome time together. Then, I got a great job offer in my hometown where all my friends and family are. I’ve always wanted to go back. So I told her I am going back and we spent our last 2 weeks together, just very sweet and loving 2 weeks. After this, we exchanged e-mails and I told her that I would still like us to be friends because I truly care about her. She agreed at first. However, after I moved back to my hometown, she sent me an e-mail saying a lot of sweet things and how she will miss me etc - at the end of the e-mail, she said, "if you want to really be friends, please do not contact me for a few months, I need some time to make our relationship a “beautiful memory.”" I still have a lot of feelings for her and this hurts me. I respect her decision so I will stop having any communications with her. But why is she doing this? Is it necessary to cut all contact like this? Some additional information: 1. She had a tough break up a year ago and before I met her, she just wanted to date around. Until me, it was always non-exclusive for her. 2. She told me once she knew I was leaving, that she wants the next guy to be a serious relationship. (Perhaps this is the answer to my own question?) Thank you for listening.
Buddhist Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 It's really very simple. She's disappointed that this went nowhere and doesn't want you constantly reminding her of what she didn't get by being in contact. I understand her motives far more easily than I understand yours to be honest. I've never stayed friends with someone I was romantically interested in for this exact reason. It's painful to be constantly reminded about the one you didn't get and that does affect your ability to find someone else. She wants her head clear so she can truly disconnect from you and have a chance at finding love. She can't do that while she's still harbouring hope and thoughts of you. I hate it when men that don't want me, want to be friends. No thanks, I'll keep my sanity and forget you if you don't mind. 5
Erik30 Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 She's doing it because she's hurt. You broke up with her so she needs some time to get over it. Pretty understandable that she doesn't want to be your friend right away. She probably thought she would be fine at first, but later on she realized keeping in touch with you would only make her feel worse. 2
Gaeta Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 Yes it's necessary to cut contact for her to get over you and let those romantic feelings die before she can have a friendship with you. If you are able to jump from romantic to friendship it's because your feelings were not that deeply invested. It's always easier for the one that loved less to become friends. The one that has deeper feelings usually cannot just jump to friendship as it's too hard. Please respect her wishes. There is also a possibility she can never jump to a friendship. Accept it as well.
Author Spikiera Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 Thanks everyone for your input. I certainly cannot jump right into friendship as my feelings for her is very strong too. I want to remain friend only because I want to know how she is doing and I do not want to just like...end everything. I didn't end it because I don't like her or have intense feelings for her. It's mainly because, my home town is where I belong to and where I would like to settle. It would be awesome if I had met her there. That being said, yes, no more communications will follow because I 100% respect her decision. Maybe in the future when I return to her city, I will catch up with her purely as a friend.
Recommended Posts