Why do I cling on to a man thinking that there will be no other men for me?

[Bobbi7]

Like, a guy shows interests in me, immediately I become attached, I WANT him only, its only fair to think that, if he takes me out on dates-pampers me, etc, etc. If he wants to break things off-I think its the end of the world, thinking that there are no other men out for me. I mean, seriously, there are no men that will be compatible for me.

[dobielover]

Because you have a very low self-worth, no self-esteem.

[Bobbi7]

Because you have a very low self-worth, no self-esteem.

 

How does that play into it? Seriously there are no other men out there for me.

[losangelena]

How does that play into it? Seriously there are no other men out there for me.

 

But ... if you say that each time and then start dating someone else, you're proving just the opposite.

 

Have you gone out with more than one man in your life? Then automatically there is more than one man out there. Right? Am I missing something?

[Bobbi7]

But ... if you say that each time and then start dating someone else, you're proving just the opposite.

 

Have you gone out with more than one man in your life? Then automatically there is more than one man out there. Right? Am I missing something?

 

Yeah, I've gone out with few guys, but even if I do-the last guy was better than the current guy. It seems like it's my loss. It's like I'm going out with guys to pass time.

[losangelena]

Yeah, I've gone out with few guys, but even if I do-the last guy was better than the current guy. It seems like it's my loss. It's like I'm going out with guys to pass time.

 

Then why go out with them? I don't ask to be rude, I'm just curious. If you're not enjoying your time, then aren't there other things you can be spending your time doing? Wait until you meet a guy you really like.

[Bobbi7]

Then why go out with them? I don't ask to be rude, I'm just curious. If you're not enjoying your time, then aren't there other things you can be spending your time doing? Wait until you meet a guy you really like.

 

I go out with them because it's what women are suppose to do, I guess I don't mind not dating, but people start feeling sorry for me because I'm 30+ single. I don't want to be 45 and still single.

[losangelena]

I go out with them because it's what women are suppose to do, I guess I don't mind not dating, but people start feeling sorry for me because I'm 30+ single. I don't want to be 45 and still single.

 

Mmmmmmmmm ... I disagree that women are necessarily "supposed to" date. I think if you WANT to, you should, but not do it because you feel you have to. Just because you're 30+ doesn't mean you need to date men you're not interested in. I know a lot of women in their 30s who are single and happy, or at least not dating men they're not interested in.

 

I understand not wanting to be single at 45, but I also don't think that means being miserable in dating.

[Herzglut]

Reasons why you're too attached too quickly:

 

You probably have a low self-esteem: You might not like your body/face/financial situation or your life in general. So there is a void created and fostered by a lack of satisfaction and quality of life that you sub consciously expect a man to fill. The moment you feel like someone is filling that void, you latch onto that person and try to keep them because once they're gone, you're again, facing the same void.

Also, your attachment style is probably Anxious Preoccupied and in that case, you might want to read this.

 

How to work it regardless: Try to find something that makes you happy besides romance and love. A hobby like painting, learning an instrument etc Eat healthier, maybe work out a bit, work towards a promotion at work, live life for yourself, learn to fill life with positive experiences, love yourself. Only then people will come forward and want to be a part of it.

For most men, they sense desperation. They sense that YOU, yourself, believe you have no other options and have nothing going for yourself so they start to believe they could actually do better than that and explore their options. Love yourself first, you'll realize that there sure WILL be other men for you and if someone steps out of your life, you WILL know that there's still plenty of fish in the sea- once you established a better relationship with yourself, you'll see it clearly.

[Blanco]

You've often mentioned having few, if any close friends. I find that those people tend to latch on to potential romantic partners a lot faster or be in constant pursuit of their next romantic interest to help partially fill the void created by the absence of such a crucial part of life.