Girl I slept with seemed keen, but seems distant since.. what I should do?

[Xiomn]

NO! Ugh. Turn off.

 

There's nothing less attractive than asking a guy his opinion or what he wants and having him turn around and ask what I want then just agree to that.

 

If a girl has the courage to ask you, at least give some opinion of your own before asking her for hers. And if she wants more or less than you, don't be scared to let her know that.

 

Women do this too, if you ask them they'll return and ask you before giving their own opinion.

 

You just got to make it look like you're not just agreeing with her for the sake of agreeing with her. Become an actor for 5 seconds and pretend you're actually putting some thought into it instead of just responding in agreement straight off the bat.

 

If you say the opposite of what she wants then it's more than likely she'll start flaking from there on out, like she did with OP (and I've also experienced this, and I have no doubt if I had let her ask me and return the question to her before answering and playing to what she wanted then I would more than likely still be dating and sleeping with her now than being datless again)

 

If you return and ask her what she wants (when she initiates the question) and agree with her less chance she will flake.

 

It's a matter of lesser of evils, one route offers less chance she will flake than the other.

If I'm seeing/sleeping with a girl and want to continue sleeping/seeing with her I ain't gonna mess it up by leaving it to 50% chance I say the wrong thing when I can return and ask her the same question and know for 100% what she wants and play to that.

 

And like I said earlier, if she says she is looking for casual and in your mind you know you're looking for a relationship (not casual) then if you play to her cards and say you're looking for casual anyway then you can continue to date and sleep with her while at the same time pursuing other people who are looking for more of what you want.

 

One route offers pussy while you remain on the search for compatible women and the other offers no pussy while you remain searching for compatible women.

Edited December 26, 2015 by Xiomn

[ramboparrot]

And like I said earlier, if she says she is looking for casual and in your mind you know you're looking for a relationship (not casual) then if you play to her cards and say you're looking for casual anyway then you can continue to date and sleep with her while at the same time pursuing other people who are looking for more of what you want.

 

One route offers pussy while you remain on the search for compatible women and the other offers no pussy while you remain searching for compatible women.

 

I really like this advice and will use it. Before I started thinking serious with this girl, I was enjoying just going out etc, maybe if I can do that a few times with other girls and work on my sex technique. I'm going to fail a few times with girls in sex before I get better.

[phineas]

Slept with a female friend unexpectedly before thanksgiving.

First time we hung out alone.

The sex was pretty good.

I mean she scratched up my back, wrapped her legs around mine & um Squirted.

So I think I did ok.

 

She told me this wasn't a hook-up.

I agreed & tried to show her after it wasn't so my friends didn't think I was a jerk.

 

But she kept saying she couldn't believe we did that & had to process it then avoided being alone with me.

We'd get a few mins. alone with friends around and steel some kisses but I tried to show her I wasn't just looking for sex & mentioned I wanted to spend some time to get to know her better & figure out what we were doing because she kept saying it was "weird"

But, I did all that in person.

Not over text.

Apparently I did something wrong or she figured out I actually liked her even though I didn't say it.

 

Now she acts like she doesn't give a crap if I text her or not. She usually responds quickly but sends boring short responses so i've just backed off and stopped texting her and moving on.

 

Not going to waste my time chasing a woman I've already had sex with.

[The Way I Am]

Women do this too, if you ask them they'll return and ask you before giving their own opinion.

 

And is that attractive?

 

I didn't say he had to pour his heart out in response. But some kind of answer is better than just turning it around. Like "I'm enjoying our time together and I really like you. What do you think about it?" as opposed to just "Well, where do you see it going?" If you want a relationship, giving the girl some encouragement and at least a little honesty will get a better result than just turning it back around and agreeing to whatever she wants.

 

I once asked a guy if he wanted to make our relationship official after I think 4-5 months. He said "Do you think that's a good idea?" I was already scared of asking the question, so I took that as a no, probably said something like "I guess not", picked up my stuff and walked out of the room without talking to him again. Next time I ran into him months later, he was begging me for another chance but it was too late.

 

If you say the opposite of what she wants then it's more than likely she'll start flaking from there on out, like she did with OP

The girl didn't ask him. He asked. It's not that likely that someone is going to ask where you see the relationship going if they don't want it to go anywhere.

 

Did you actually have a girl ask you where things were going when she wanted only a casual relationship?

 

(and I've also experienced this, and I have no doubt if I had let her ask me and return the question to her before answering and playing to what she wanted then I would more than likely still be dating and sleeping with her now than being datless again)

My advice is given under the assumption that OP actually wants a relationship. Not just someone that he can screw on a consistent basis. Just agreeing to whatever a woman wants is a good way to stay with her but have her lose respect for you and eventually drop you for someone else. Edited December 27, 2015 by The Way I Am

[ramboparrot]

My advice is given under the assumption that OP actually wants a relationship. Not just someone that he can screw on a consistent basis. Just agreeing to whatever a woman wants is a good way to stay with her but have her lose respect for you and eventually drop you for someone else.

 

It's why I said to that girl I'm only interested in her romantically than friendship, nothing else. It's what I want, I live by my rules and not hers. If she wants the same as I do, she knows where to find me. She's made it clear she doesn't want that, so I wouldn't pursue her any more. But most likely if she ever did get back in touch, I'll be too busy meeting 3-4 girls.

 

I'd rather have a serious commitment to a girl than just a fling every so often, but if those flings allow me to gain confidence and develop myself sexually, it could help in the long run in a committed relationship. My focus is on something serious, but I'll browse the online dating sites and take out a few girls and just go with the flow instead of rushing into things.

Edited December 27, 2015 by ramboparrot

[katiegrl]

Thanks for your harsh, but honest words. I think I produced my own kiss of death, with the girlfriend thing. I did the woman's job, when I should have been doing the mans job and not looking beta. It started off well, I was being the man, in control and she loved it. But I got too comfortable, I acted like the job was done and as if we were in a relationship, I became weak and she sensed it.

 

Would you have said that Christmas/second message forced her hand, or could it have been saved with NC? I'm pretty sure the damage was already done when I acted weak and that sending that second message spared me a week of "wondering".

 

I hope she doesn't laugh about me behind my back, but she didn't seem the bitchy type, nor did her friends.. But then again I didn't know either of them properly and luckily there are millions of other girls.

 

My ego definitely sent the last message, but I figured that at the time, whether I sent it or not, the outcome was always the same, but I will use that advice on future girls and not reply back. It's all about composure.

 

What I've learned is to not act weak, let the girl bring up the relationship. Act like I am in control and not succumbing to her commands like her saying I could leave when I should have said no! In fact, I'm 90% sure her actual words were "You can go if you want, you don't have to be nice", she definitely mentioned nice and I should have clocked that.

 

Basically I need to STOP acting the nice guy. Not sure about my sex technique but she seemed to like it, but then could have been an act. That will improve the more experience I get, it was my first time.

 

This^^...and also stop with the cheesy texts trying to be clever or funny. It will have the opposite effect, indicates you are trying too hard.

 

Just be real. Be genuine. No need to be clever or funny...ugh I hate that shyt.

 

This stuff about can you keep a secret, you met this girl and she snores, when can you fight some crime Ninja, and the Feliz Navidad.....cheesy!

 

This girl is done... but for next time.

[lino]

The girlfriend talk was your nail in the coffin.

 

Also, if she had any hint you were a virgin, that's another reason for radio silence.

 

All this showed inexperience in her eyes and to women, AIDS is more appealing than that.

[katiegrl]

I think we need to stop beating up on the OP ...he is not the first person to go a little nuts when first meeting someone from on line ...or in real life!

 

Hell, I have read posts from peeps who fall hard *before* ever even meeting in person!

 

Soul-mate, the one, etc etc etc. Before even meeting!

 

And to his credit, he recognized the cray cray really fast..less than one week, and has aborted.

 

So I say let's cut him some slack here ....lesson learned!

[katiegrl]

I think we need to stop beating up on the OP ...he is not the first person to go a little nuts when first meeting someone from on line ...or in real life!

 

Hell, I have read posts from peeps who fall hard *before* ever even meeting in person!

 

Soul-mate, the one, etc etc etc. Before even meeting!

 

And to his credit, he recognized the cray cray really fast..less than one week, and has aborted.

 

So I say let's cut him some slack here ....lesson learned!

 

Oops, wrong thread...this was meant for Teknoe's thread about the Bipolar chick.

Edited December 27, 2015 by katiegrl

[ramboparrot]

This^^...and also stop with the cheesy texts trying to be clever or funny. It will have the opposite effect, indicates you are trying too hard.

 

Just be real. Be genuine. No need to be clever or funny...ugh I hate that shyt.

 

This stuff about can you keep a secret, you met this girl and she snores, when can you fight some crime Ninja, and the Feliz Navidad.....cheesy!

 

This girl is done... but for next time.

 

Tbh the feliz Navidad was because she was Spanish. The other stuff was working to get me dates with her, but I should have dropped it after the sex, either way she'd have still broken things off. I'll live and learn though.

[ramboparrot]

Woahhhhhh. Did she know that?

 

Think I mentioned it was a very long time since I did something like this, but she could tell I was inexperienced, even I could. I'm sure she must have got a sense I hadn't done this before

[ramboparrot]

I think we need to stop beating up on the OP ...he is not the first person to go a little nuts when first meeting someone from on line ...or in real life!

 

Hell, I have read posts from peeps who fall hard *before* ever even meeting in person!

 

Soul-mate, the one, etc etc etc. Before even meeting!

 

And to his credit, he recognized the cray cray really fast..less than one week, and has aborted.

 

So I say let's cut him some slack here ....lesson learned!

 

Thanks. I have learned a lot from you guys though. I'll treat this as a learning experience. I'm lucky to think that on reflection she wasn't anything special. If she gets in touch and I'm in a solid relationship with a girl maybe I'll consider a friendship with her.

 

She has also deleted her OKC account, either indicates she chose someone else really or she realised online dating/potential commitment actually wasn't for her. If you "stop seeing someone" surely you were in it for potential commitment though? Maybe our situation put her off