ramboparrot Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 (edited) I've been seeing this foreign girl for just over a month and we've been out on four dates, the fourth which was last Sunday where she got me to meet her friends and we went back and had sex/slept together. This girl has mostly hit up my phone with texts and initiated contact, replying back within minutes, etc however I have been busy with work lately and I have to wait a few hours to text her back. I've noticed she's been doing the same, to the point she hasn't replied at all to my last message. Some back story of when I saw her last Sunday, she seemed really keen with me and seemed to enjoy our sex from her reactions, however I wasn't able to climax myself (due to masterbating earlier in the day) but we joked that it was tiredness and the drink as it was 2-3am. After I did ask if she'd want to be my girlfriend (wish I didn't do), she giggled and smiled but said it was "too soon". I said fair enough and didn't let it phase me. The following morning, I woke up with her facing me and she smiled then she went in to kiss me. We both got up and got changed, she offered me breakfast but I said I'll get some on my way home. As I was sat down looking at my phone and she was doing her hair, she said "you can go home if you want you know" so I ended up leaving and she walked me to the door where we kissed, but she pulled away first. As I left she was stood behind the door as it closed. Two days later I text her: Me: Hey you, yeah you.. Can you keep a secret? [3 mins later] Girl: What secret? [an hour later] Me: Don't tell anyone.. But I met this cute girl on Sunday. She was called (her name). She snores a lot though [7 hours later] Girl: I don't know that girl sorry [following midday] Me: If you say so When are you next free to fight some crime, ninja? This was yesterday at midday and I haven't had a reply since. I'm confused about what to do.. Should I go no contact and let her get back to me now the ball is in her court? Or should I send a text (assuming she didn't get it, she's had that problem before) on Boxing day asking about how her christmas went and build some rapport before suggest another day to meet? I know she's got plans this christmas as she told me what she's doing, but even then I have time to send a quick text Edited December 25, 2015 by ramboparrot
Xiomn Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 (edited) Never ask a girl to be your girlfriend, bring up the what are we? or anything like that. Always let the girl bring it up otherwise you're going to scare her away. If you don't bring it up then you can continue to date and sleep with her no problem until she does bring it up. It's Xmas and New Years, she is going to be spending this time with friends and family, not dating. I say go NC until maybe 2nd-3rd January (with at the most a 'Have a good new Years day' text but if she texts beforehand then go ahead and text back.] P.S that text game is cringeworthy. Edited December 25, 2015 by Xiomn
Author ramboparrot Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 Never ask a girl to be your girlfriend, bring up the what are we? or anything like that. Always let the girl bring it up otherwise you're going to scare her away. If you don't bring it up then you can continue to date and sleep with her no problem until she does bring it up. It's Xmas and New Years, she is going to be spending this time with friends and family, not dating. I say go NC until maybe 2nd-3rd January (with at the most a 'Have a good new Years day' text but if she texts beforehand then go ahead and text back. Ah, so a week with NC. I was thinking about that after the "asking to be girlfriend" part, because I feel I might have scared her off looking too keen, I guess pulling back contact is what I should do. The text that you suggested doesn't show neediness by sending her a statement, not a question so I will do that. I knew I shouldn't have told her that though, but I got caught up in the moment.. I can't see any come back from this unless she's somewhat still interesed. Lesson learned I guess..
Xiomn Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 Lesson learned I guess.. Yeah, whatever happens just keep thinking this to yourself. I know them bad feels man, dated this girl for over a month like 7-8 really good dates, sex a handful of times, she was super hot and I liked her then I brought up the what are we question after 5 weeks but she wasn't ready and after that she flaked on me. I know it's hard because you just want to get into that feeling of making a relationship official ASAP so you can tell the world but just hold it in and act like you're not bothered where the relationship is going until she brings it up.
Author ramboparrot Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 I'm sending all my friends "merry christmas" texts, but I've come to her name.. Should I just shoot one as a seasons greeting, being it christmas day? I know it'll be two texts in a row, but the text wouldn't be asking for a reply from her. I know what you've said about NC for a week, but there's been times in the past with her, where a second text has gotten a response and if I'd have been too stubborn to not send another, we wouldn't have slept together.
Xiomn Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 (edited) I'm sending all my friends "merry christmas" texts, but I've come to her name.. Should I just shoot one as a seasons greeting, being it christmas day? I know it'll be two texts in a row, but the text wouldn't be asking for a reply from her. I know what you've said about NC for a week, but there's been times in the past with her, where a second text has gotten a response and if I'd have been too stubborn to not send another, we wouldn't have slept together. Up to you i mean it is Xmas so I can't see any harm, normally I wouldn't text 2 times in a row though because it can come across as clingy and in your situation that's definitely not what you want, to go deeper into that level. Either way I'd go NC and on New Years Eve simple "Happy New Year" then go NC for a few more days before hitting her up to set up a date. Patience. Can you handle the wait? Edited December 25, 2015 by Xiomn
Author ramboparrot Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 (edited) Up to you i mean it is Xmas so I can't see any harm, normally I wouldn't text 2 times in a row though because it can come across as clingy and in your situation that's definitely not what you want, to go deeper into that level. Either way I'd go NC until New Years Eve after that and a simple "Happy New Year" then go NC for a few more days before hitting her up to set up a date. I'll send it, being the occasion of Christmas day as I'm sending everyone that text anyway. She's spanish so I'll say "Feliz Navidad! Hope that you have a good day and that your family are doing great too" (she contacts her family a lot over skype as they still live in her home country). If I get no response, number deleted to stop me replying further. If she replies, but still seems distant, I'll go NC for a few days. I've a feeling that my texts have been too jokey/cringy after we've had sex, so maybe she isn't sure I'm taking it seriously. I'll send her a christmas text that's sincere, see what happens. Edited December 25, 2015 by ramboparrot
oregon0011 Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 Never ask a girl to be your girlfriend, bring up the what are we? or anything like that. Always let the girl bring it up otherwise you're going to scare her away. If you don't bring it up then you can continue to date and sleep with her no problem until she does bring it up. It's Xmas and New Years, she is going to be spending this time with friends and family, not dating. I say go NC until maybe 2nd-3rd January (with at the most a 'Have a good new Years day' text but if she texts beforehand then go ahead and text back.] P.S that text game is cringeworthy. This is true. Unfortunately when you have sex with a girl these days you have to act like you used her for sex only. Then she will be interested
Natalie8 Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 This is true. Unfortunately when you have sex with a girl these days you have to act like you used her for sex only. Then she will be interested Argh! No! She will be hurt and feel used. I would be. Massively. Then i would delete his number and maybe block it too. Please dont give such relationship advice. 4
Author ramboparrot Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 My text game has been similar to that for the time I've spoken to her and she's still responded/seen me, etc. But then again, just talking to her normally seems to get more of a response by building rapport, rather than "trying to be funny". I'll wish her merry christmas later and ask about her family, see if I can strike up some normal conversation, but my aim will be to arrange a meet up. I'm hoping it can be saved, but I'll have my answer if she doesn't respond when I drop the "cringyiness"
Xiomn Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 My text game has been similar to that for the time I've spoken to her and she's still responded/seen me, etc. But then again, just talking to her normally seems to get more of a response by building rapport, rather than "trying to be funny". I'll wish her merry christmas later and ask about her family, see if I can strike up some normal conversation, but my aim will be to arrange a meet up. I'm hoping it can be saved, but I'll have my answer if she doesn't respond when I drop the "cringyiness" It was only yesterday she ignored your message asking if she was free, good luck pushing her away further by aiming to arrange a meet up a day or two later. Give her some space..especially since it's the holidays centered around friends and family. Stop trying to rush things.
Author ramboparrot Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 It was only yesterday she ignored your message asking if she was free, good luck pushing her away further by aiming to arrange a meet up a day or two later. Give her some space..especially since it's the holidays centered around friends and family. Stop trying to rush things. Alright, I'll leave out the meeting up. I've always been taught to use this sort of communication to arrange a meet up, than chit-chat. I'll try and build some rapport and early next week bring it up again.
dobielover Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 She lost interest with the sex, her actions immediately afterward are pretty obvious. She didn't want to be your GF, she wanted you to leave, her body language was to keep her distance from you when saying goodbye. And then you teased her by saying she snored? Haha, yeah done. 3
xcupid Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 She may or may not be distant - it is Christmas after all and people are busy. She may even be regretting having sex so soon with you. No more of those texts - cringe worthy to say the least. Wish her a Merry Christmas to initiate contact again.
Author ramboparrot Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 She lost interest with the sex, her actions immediately afterward are pretty obvious. She didn't want to be your GF, she wanted you to leave, her body language was to keep her distance from you when saying goodbye. And then you teased her by saying she snored? Haha, yeah done. Should have been clearer with the GF thing, that actually happened when we were kissing and before the sex. The following morning she woke me up and kissed me and her telling me I could go was mostly because she knew I had work to go to but I was sat down on my phone, etc. I probably am done though, but I only teased her about her snoring because she teased me about talking in my sleep.
Author ramboparrot Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 She may or may not be distant - it is Christmas after all and people are busy. She may even be regretting having sex so soon with you. No more of those texts - cringe worthy to say the least. Wish her a Merry Christmas to initiate contact again. Yeah, I guess it worked with her before, so I didn't see a problem with those sorts of texts.. I'll text her merry christmas and hope she's had a great day, will ask if she's celebrated with her family over skype as it was something she was doing to do. I know every girl is different, but if the other person sent you those cringing texts and you didn't reply, but then stopped doing that, could it be saved? She had enough interest to have sex with me, but I don't know how far down interest can plummet over the course of 4-5 days.
Author ramboparrot Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 Surely she isn't going to miss me if I've left her with a cringeworthy text. At least showing interest in how her christmas is going is better? If I keep it short and sweet, but I don't suggest meeting up again for a while. I plan to go NC after this and letting her re-initiate, but I feel if I do that NOW then it's left on a sour note.
Gaeta Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 You said she is a foreigner. Don't you think you might be considering cultural differences here? Where is she from?
Space Ritual Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know why this whole thing went south. Basically 2 reasons 1. She thought you sucked in bed. Your masturbating excuse to us is a laughable. You are not 60 years old. That's a party foul. 2. You sent that text. You really can't be surprised can you? She couldn't wait to get you out that door the next morning. By not blowing it you totally blew it. 4
Author ramboparrot Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know why this whole thing went south. Basically 2 reasons 1. She thought you sucked in bed. Your masturbating excuse to us is a laughable. You are not 60 years old. That's a party foul. 2. You sent that text. You really can't be surprised can you? She couldn't wait to get you out that door the next morning. By not blowing it you totally blew it. She wasn't forcing me out of the door in the morning, she suggested that I could leave if I wanted, she wouldn't have offered me breakfast if she wanted me to leave so quickly lol
dobielover Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 She wasn't forcing me out of the door in the morning, she suggested that I could leave if I wanted, she wouldn't have offered me breakfast if she wanted me to leave so quickly lol If she wanted you to stay, she wouldn't have suggested you leave at all, nor would she have hidden behind the door when you left, nor pulled away first when you kissed her goodbye. She also would have responded to your text by now if she was interested. 5
Gaeta Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 Two days later I text her: This is a fatal mistake. When you sleep with a woman and it's not meant to be a ONS you contact her THE NEXT DAY. This is highly important for women. It's an indication that the man has respect for us or not. 6
Author ramboparrot Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 Meh, always something I do to put them off. Think I'm done with all this for a long long time. It's too draining, yet I see people fall for each other with ease..
The Way I Am Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 Send her a Merry Christmas text without any questions or attempts to meet up. Don't use it as an excuse to strike up conversation, and don't make her have to worry about telling you when the next time you're meeting up is when you know she's busy with her family. Just something like "Merry Christmas. Hope you're having a great one." If she's worth dating, she'll appreciate the gesture and will respond similarly. Then just leave it at that unless she asks you a question. If she's put off by a kind thought on Christmas, then she's screwed up and you're better off moving on.
Space Ritual Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 Meh, always something I do to put them off. Think I'm done with all this for a long long time. It's too draining, yet I see people fall for each other with ease.. Don't think too much about it, Learn from it. Learn to not rub one out before you go out. Whoever suggested you do that watched too many bad 80's comedies. As far as the texting stuff? I may just be too old but the impersonal nature of texting lends it self to someone showing their ass too easily. If you are going to try the comedic route, it is really best to do it in person. I think a woman would find you much more charming in person than through texting, since it is so hard to decipher exact intent and tone through text. You can act kind of nerdy and dorky in person with a female and in more cases they will find it somewhat quirky and charming. To do so through text has a loserish quality to it that makes men look desperate. Again, it is just something you learn through trial and error. And as for my advice, take what you need of it and leave the rest. My advice is no better or worse than anyone else here. The goal for you young man, is to NOT give up over a single bad experience. Just work on your skills and you'll be ok. I promise you will. Good Luck
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