Sugarkane715 Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 Jared and I have been friends for almost 10 years. We are always very honest with each other and he was always someone I considered a gentleman. About 2 months ago, Jaredstarting showing interest in me. I was in a 2 year relationship but Jared and I both talked about how I was looking to end it because it wasn't working out anymore. I did eventually end things and Jared told me flat out that he was interested and proceeded to be forward with me as a result - i.e. Kissing me, telling me how perfect he thought we would be together or telling me how beautiful he found me. I startedto really fall for Jared despite just getting out of a relationship. There were a few occasions that I played it cool so I didn't come off too much - which I guess may not have been the best idea. Then suddenly, Jared's dynamic towards me changed - he grew stand offish and distant. I confronted him and he told me he thought we should be friends...I asked why the change of heart and he said he felt we both had too much going on ...he said he didn't feel it was appropriate to jump into anything since I just got out of a relationship and he wasn't sure if my feelings were genuine. He said he acted inappropriately jumping on an opportunity so soon after breaking up with someone when he should have been a good friend and been there for me through this. He said he wants us to take sometime to be just friends while I distance myself from my relationship and see how we feel later on. I was very hurt and felt used and played. wouldnt you? How can he turn off like that? A friend of ours hosted a party the other night and both Jared and I were there. During the course of the night I was very aware of how he always was right by me. He would be watching me or staring at me whenever I looked at him and I was aware he was listening to my conversations with other guests. Can you weigh in? I don't get what happened and I am trying to move on but I don't want to because I like him a lot. What do I do?
ExpatInItaly Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 Can you elaborate on how you played it cool? Did you ignore him, shut down his advances, or..? That could very well be your answer. Or perhaps someone else caught his eye in the meantime and he wants to try that out too.
Author Sugarkane715 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 On one occasion he had told me an ex of his wanted to try to meet up for a drink. He asked me if he would be betraying me if he went. So I told him if he wanted to go he should because he needed to find what he was looking for if it wasn't me. After the fact when we spoke recently I told him when we spoke I was trying to be selfless because he seemed like he wanted to go but I said to him I didn't actually want him to explore the option because I like him. On another 2 occasions after this - he asked me to hang out but I wasn't free. When we spoke, I told him both of these times didn't mean I wasn't interested. I don't want to be too much by contacting him if he isn't interested in me anymore and if he really wants to be just friends I don't want to throw myself at him but if there is a chance still I don't want to lose him either so I don't know what to do.
Buddhist Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 He's feeding you a line. walk away now before this turns into a really painful situation. If he really liked you and you reciprocated there should be no problems from that point onwards. I don't know why he's suddenly gone cold but its not a good sign.
smackie9 Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 From what I gather he really wanted you to know he has feelings for you first and foremost, BUT there is a lot at stake. He didn't want to end up being a rebound, didn't want to get hurt and is unsure about you because of your behavior "acting kool, aloof, distant..." it has him confused. If you don't make yourself very clear about your feelings, and expectations, this crap is going to continue. Basically he is hoping something will happen, but he is leaving that up to you.
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