in need of guidance

[QueenDeath]

So I've been dating this guy for 2 weeks now. He's 22 and I'm 20.

 

We are mutual on a lot of things, taking it slow to see where things go, not forcing a relationship to happen, if in two months and we are still going good, then we can take it from there. We don't want to rush this because we both would want this to last, we both like each other, however, we aren't head over heels for the other person. We don't love each other, we just have some sort of feelings there for each other.

 

We agreed earlier that we should just hold off on the sex part because we make this rash decisions during the heat of the movement, we both want to learn how to control ourselves around each other so we can both make smarter decisions when it comes to our sexual activity. We already had a pregnancy scare and we really don't want another one.

 

Another thing is that, whenever we notice something is moving too fast, we just say it. Another thing is how I built this emotional unavailability, and for some odd reason, that wall has a crack in it since we started talking to each other and I actually like sharing some of my emotions with him.

 

I'm trying my best to treat him the way I always wanted to be treated, we both want more than just sex, we both hope that eventually things do go in our favor, even though he's scared because mainly he's Jewish and his parents are very traditional and me being a black girl and all....yeah. He's worried if we do hit that next level, his parents won't approve.

 

Am I wrong for having hope with this?

 

What I really like about him is the fact that he actually listens to me, truth is like I told him the other night, we both don't know what's going to happen unless we don't give it a shot, the thing is, I doubt it. I'm used to guys making that decision of not wanting to be with me. So I'm just expecting just that, him not wanting to be with him.

 

I'm just hoping I'm doing all of this right because I do like him, I enjoy his company, I just don't want the same thing to happen all over again, truth is I wouldn't know that for sure.

 

Advice would be nice, thank you.

[miafarrow]

I don't get it you are dating for 2 weeks and had pregnancy issues?

 

2nd you are dating? Do you get out of bedroom, how much did you see him in two weeks? Do you know him from before?

 

I don't think you know this guy at all and I think its just a sex thing. You stopped it because you think you could get pregnant and he obeys you.

 

But besides all of this I don't think you have future. You don't seem to know him as a person, but in bed. And he is well a guy...sorry!

 

In adult world like 26+ when you grow up you don't fix a person like a deal. Lets see exactly on 25th of FEB how we will feel and decide.

 

I am 30. Getting old. I was in a situations like you too. Liked someone, had sex so soon, tell them to take it slow after 2nd time or 3d...because I knew it was to early. Got confused like you... exactly the same!! Lets see, lets talk, lets get to know each other.. It never worked! It was me mostly not them! I started to turn off sooner by time then vice versa. Why? Idk. I even tried to give them a month chances, didn't work.

 

When you find a right guy eventually...you will just feel it! I am not sounding like Ted Mosby now or too romantic. But it's true.

 

I dated guys, tried to be in a relationship. Been in relationships. Never worked out in my life with guys that didn't have something more then phisical looks, that spark.. which I've felt only two times in my life. Once was when i was like 20. Since I've seen him I was so crazy about him in everything he did. I WANTED to get to know him and he wanted to get to know everything about me. we had sex really fast, but I knew he was like worth of something more with me. Then he moves because he played basketball in the US. Now he is famous. I feel sorry we never had a chance to actually be together more then a summers, we had a good times.

 

Then I did date bunch of guys a lot. But never felt that something special untill last month. Actually I was hooking up with his colleague. His colleague was not my type, he was a drunk, gambler, too loud, primitive whatever. We went out just for like 5 days in a row 24/7 crazy! I was getting so turned off on day 5 that I woked up and I was like wtf am I doing with this guy when I really have something for that awesome hot guy I've met yesterday!

 

So I said goodbye to that poor guy who treated me like **** on only day 5! Never talked to him again. But why am I writing to you this all. Maybe because of experience.

 

You meet many people in your life but you know when someone is just and you want them more and more after 1st date. Not less and less and loose interest soon!

I think you are loosing interest into this guy maybe, maybe not. But for me you can't say to someone like let's see in 2 months. Things happen naturally.

You have a good communicaton with someone, honest about life, your family, friends, you meet his friends, he is nice to you. He wants to know how are you, he makes you some small things and you actually ENJOY all of that things not getting anoyed by any of these. Thats brilliant signs.

Then you don't need to talk and say what are we? Who am I to you?

 

Because it develops naturally. I think by date 3 men or women should know exactly if this guy or girl is worth of taking most of your free time on weekends or not. And that you want to just see them.

And after 4 weeks I think its normal that he starts to mention you to his friends and talk to you about them 'oh, you know what my friend Tom just did? Oh you need to meet him! He is awesome dude!!! we should go to his bday next week'

And thats how people end up in a "relationship"

You don't have needs to text to other guys or girls.

You just disapear on them and stop communicate with other chicks natuarlly.

You feel sad when they are not with you to watch you favorite show like a day ago so you grab a phone and text them something stupid because you miss them and they just make some funny reply or whatever.

 

I think that are side effects of getting in a relationship,, when you are starting to get to know somebody else and you just like them more without any questions!

 

So my answer is try it... force it. Maybe you develop some feelings. Every person is different. I loose interest soon in the beginings then one that keeps me happy and happy and I want to know everything about them is a win-win and has a good predictions for my future. If you calculate after 2 weeks and post on a forum, its not gonna work in 2 months. Trust me

[hippychick3]

Sounds like a lot of drama and angst for 2 weeks of dating.

 

Stop analyzing it and stressing. You are simply DATING...no relationship yet. You're just barely getting to know each other this early. Relax, have fun, don't plan a future yet, and continue to stop having sex.