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Should I even bother with this friend anymore?

emerald86

By emerald86
in Friendship

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emerald86 Established Member

emerald86

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One of my best friends goes to school several hundred miles away, and now she's back home for the holidays. When she got home, she called and texted me saying that she really really wants to see me and that we should definitely meet up. I was happy to hear from her, and looked forward to meeting her.

 

We made plans to meet on Monday, but at the last minute she called me saying that the weather wasn't looking good so we should postpone it to Tuesday. I was okay with that, because Monday was a hectic day for me too. When Tuesday came along, she ended up canceling at the last minute again. We rescheduled to Wednesday, and at the very last minute she called me and said something along the lines of, "Oh my god, I am so sorry. But my family really wants me to spend time with them. Let's push this to Saturday?"

 

I've just about had it. I understand that it's the holidays and people want to spend time with their family, but if that's the case, why make plans with me in the first place? It sucks when you get ready and everything, only to have your friend cancel plans on you at the very last minute. What's even worse is that somehow she's had the time to hangout with other friends of hers this week. If she was some random acquaintance of mine, I wouldn't have been so bothered, but she's one of my best friends.

 

She told me that she wants to move our hangout plan over to Saturday, but should I even bother? Or should I just tell her that I'm busy on Saturday and forget about her?

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Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
Posted

I would just say the truth, from my own perspective: "Based on the evidence, you feel some sort of obligation to see me...but you really don't have an actual desire to do so. Which is fine. It's sad on some level but, then again, we're both coming to be grown-ups, and this kind of change is just part of life. So, what do you say we just leave it like that and wish each other a Merry Christmas and happy rest of life?"

 

And then, if you can't yet actually live up to that within your own Self, don't put it on her. Just keep working with it until you do feel the words that you already said :)

 

Hugs and good stuff at the Holidays and in the New Year,

Ronni

  • Like 2
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

I hate that too, but I'm also guilty of it in the past. When someone comes back to their hometown, they expect everyone to jump to see them at whatever time they say they're available with no regard for anyone else's schedule. It's the way it nearly always is. If she's no big deal to you, I believe I've set the tone for next time by saying "Sorry, you know I'm busy too. Can't make it then." And add that next time maybe you should both decide on a date and time before she gets here and then stick to it.

KittyKat67 Established Member

KittyKat67

Posted
Posted
One of my best friends goes to school several hundred miles away, and now she's back home for the holidays. When she got home, she called and texted me saying that she really really wants to see me and that we should definitely meet up. I was happy to hear from her, and looked forward to meeting her.

 

We made plans to meet on Monday, but at the last minute she called me saying that the weather wasn't looking good so we should postpone it to Tuesday. I was okay with that, because Monday was a hectic day for me too. When Tuesday came along, she ended up canceling at the last minute again. We rescheduled to Wednesday, and at the very last minute she called me and said something along the lines of, "Oh my god, I am so sorry. But my family really wants me to spend time with them. Let's push this to Saturday?"

 

I've just about had it. I understand that it's the holidays and people want to spend time with their family, but if that's the case, why make plans with me in the first place? It sucks when you get ready and everything, only to have your friend cancel plans on you at the very last minute. What's even worse is that somehow she's had the time to hangout with other friends of hers this week. If she was some random acquaintance of mine, I wouldn't have been so bothered, but she's one of my best friends.

 

She told me that she wants to move our hangout plan over to Saturday, but should I even bother? Or should I just tell her that I'm busy on Saturday and forget about her?

I had a former friend do that. I thought it was really weird because we all know what we are doing when we cancel that many times and its rude. I confronted a friend about it and she got defensive. We no longer are friends. For someone to get defensive over cancelling over and over and over, uh helloo..just say no when I ask you to hang out...smh

#notworthit

  • Like 1
Kaiten Established Member

Kaiten

Posted
Posted

Emerald, I had to respond to this because I've had this problem so many times.

 

Quick example: Really good friend moved 2 years ago. Messages me asking why I don't text him. I tell him it's because I'm a writer and programmer and have whole other day job -- I will not do any more typing than necessary, and that I'd be more than happy to call. He says great, but long story short, we try to set up a few times, but now he's got every excuse in the world for why he can't talk now.

 

I don't have time for that. You don't have time for that.

 

You cannot prioritize people who don't prioritize you. In my extensive experience with these types, if you tolerate this it will only lead to mounting frustration. You're basically saying "it's ok. I'll drop everything I'm doing when YOU'RE ready."

 

That's not how friendship works.

 

Everyone I've dropped for this reason I haven't even missed. You'll find better things to do with your time. I can promise you that much.

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emerald86 Established Member

emerald86

Posted
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Posted
Emerald, I had to respond to this because I've had this problem so many times.

 

Quick example: Really good friend moved 2 years ago. Messages me asking why I don't text him. I tell him it's because I'm a writer and programmer and have whole other day job -- I will not do any more typing than necessary, and that I'd be more than happy to call. He says great, but long story short, we try to set up a few times, but now he's got every excuse in the world for why he can't talk now.

 

I don't have time for that. You don't have time for that.

 

You cannot prioritize people who don't prioritize you. In my extensive experience with these types, if you tolerate this it will only lead to mounting frustration. You're basically saying "it's ok. I'll drop everything I'm doing when YOU'RE ready."

 

That's not how friendship works.

 

Everyone I've dropped for this reason I haven't even missed. You'll find better things to do with your time. I can promise you that much.

 

You are absolutely right! Besides, there are so many other people in the world to worry about just one friend :)

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