sumflower Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Hi, I'm a new user to this forum and though I've seen A LOT of posts about porn, I would like to ask for some advice.... maybe from a guy's perspective as well? I'm in my mid-twenties and have been dating a man for over a year. We get along really well together in all areas except for the fact that (surprise, surprise) he looks at porn on the internet. While I wasn't too concerned at first, it's affected our sex life - meaning, it's not that 'spicy'... esp. given the amount of time we've been together. we've talked about it and he wants to stop looking at porn, only he's tried but has had difficulties. It's not like he misses work to look at porn, or stops hanging out with me and my friends because of it, but what I'm worried about is how it's affecting the kind of sex we have. He hasn't been able to cum unless I'm giving him a blowjob, or if he uses his hand and cums onto my chest. I can't help but wonder if he isn't able to get as turned on without either enacting what he watches on these porn sites (ie. facial shots or something like that). There have been times where we're trying other positions, but he just can't seem to have an orgasm. does anybody have a similar experience where their partner looked at porn and was only able to orgasm if the sex the sex they were having was similar to the stuff that turns them on at internet sites? we have a very open communication in our relationship which makes it so great, and he's even talked openly about porn. He is trying to stop his behaviour which is why I've tolerated it this long. He says that I come first. However, I'm not sure how to broach this subject with him: "Honey, just wondering if the reason you're not able to cum is because you're not giving me a facial or because I don't look like the women on the porn sites?" It sickens me in a way to think of the possibility that my partner may not be able to really 'make love' at this point b/c of internet porn. Any advice? I've read posts from people who say that their partner is getting counselling or help; and I've also read the posts from people who say that porn has ruined their relationship. Any suggestions as to how I can deal with this situation would be really appreciated.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Porn will dull his senses, dull his sensitivity and yes, will make sex boring. It also skews his idea of what GOOD sex should be. And it's NOT what porn is about. It's more about domination, degradation, humiliation and much more. Why fantasize about something you can DO instead?! I never understood that.
Author sumflower Posted June 1, 2005 Author Posted June 1, 2005 thanks for the advice... it makes sense that porn would dull his senses and make sex seem boring. i've never really surfed internet porn before, but i looked around after (i know one of his sites) i posted this message to see what it was like. i completely understand now why he likes the things that he does - the positions and the playing. not sure if this makes me feel better or not. i suppose once he eventually stops looking, then he can re-condition himself. otherwise, i'm not sure what to think
Sal Paradise Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Porn DOES NOT dull the senses. For most of the population there is nothing wrong with porn, it will not negatively impact their sex life in any way. Are there some with an addiction? Of course but thats the same with anything, those who take it too far. I'm so glad none of the women I've dated through out my life have had problems with someone viewing porn for masturbation purposes. I do tend to avoid uptight overly insecure people.
moimeme Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Porn will dull his senses, dull his sensitivity and yes, will make sex boring. It also skews his idea of what GOOD sex should be. And it's NOT what porn is about. It's more about domination, degradation, humiliation and much more. Huh? Porn won't dull senses unless he's already got some sort of wierd problem. Talk to him. Ask him why it's hard for him to come any other way. Could be he fears pregnancy! We had a couple of threads about people dealing with that. You do people a huge injustice to assume things about them without speaking to them directly and honestly.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by sumflower thanks for the advice... it makes sense that porn would dull his senses and make sex seem boring. i've never really surfed internet porn before, but i looked around after (i know one of his sites) i posted this message to see what it was like. Porn makes normal sex boring. Those who say it doesn't dull their senses are in denial. i completely understand now why he likes the things that he does - the positions and the playing. not sure if this makes me feel better or not. i suppose once he eventually stops looking, then he can re-condition himself. otherwise, i'm not sure what to think Get him off the porn. It's not healthy. It doesn't portray women in a good light, that's for sure, and it teaches men all the wrong things about sex. Men who indulge in porn and use it as a basis for real life are completely clueless about sex. I'm sure I'll get a ton of porn advocates telling me I'm full of it. Whatever. That's such a common defense mechanism to deny it. You know what it's doing to your relationship. Its's NOT healthy in any facet of life and serves no justifiable purpose but to distort the mind and twist reality. Just my 2 cents.
Sal Paradise Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Porn makes normal sex boring. Those who say it doesn't dull their senses are in denial. Get him off the porn. It's not healthy. It doesn't portray women in a good light, that's for sure, and it teaches men all the wrong things about sex. Men who indulge in porn and use it as a basis for real life are completely clueless about sex. I'm sure I'll get a ton of porn advocates telling me I'm full of it. Whatever. That's such a common defense mechanism to deny it. You know what it's doing to your relationship. Its's NOT healthy in any facet of life and serves no justifiable purpose but to distort the mind and twist reality. Just my 2 cents. Oh please, thats the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. It hasn't affected my relationship in any way. We often watch it together and she doesn't care at all if I watch it by myself. She doesn't care because she is sexually secure and secure in our relationship. The only people who have a problem with it are insecure, uptight people and or the religious right. As long as your boyfriend/husband is a normal person he shouldn't have any problems with it affecting his sexual relationship with you. Most of the problems with porn aren't with the men watching it but with the jealous women. Just about all men masturbate and almost all of 'em do it to some form of pornography. If your man says he doesn't more than likely he is lying. The only denial going on is in the women who think their SO doesn't do it.
moimeme Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Porn makes normal sex boring. Those who say it doesn't dull their senses are in denial. Few things I hate more than people who say 'what I say is true and anyone who disagrees is lying'. Maybe it affected you that way, CIOC. It did the exact opposite to me. Made me MUCH more adventurous. Gave me great ideas to try. And trust me on this, I'd never prefer it to the real thing. And I feel fairly safe in saying that would be true for most folks who watch it. However it was that it made 'normal sex boring' to you, that's YOUR issue.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Few things I hate more than people who say 'what I say is true and anyone who disagrees is lying'. Maybe it affected you that way, CIOC. It did the exact opposite to me. Made me MUCH more adventurous. Gave me great ideas to try. And trust me on this, I'd never prefer it to the real thing. And I feel fairly safe in saying that would be true for most folks who watch it. However it was that it made 'normal sex boring' to you, that's YOUR issue. That's exactly how it starts, moimeme... Do you think porn degrades women? I certainly do. I'm not saying I'm right and you're wrong. For you at least, that's yet to be determined. In her case, I believe it already has dulled their relationship in more ways than one.
moimeme Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 You're making assumptions and jumping to conclusions and encouraging her to do so. Neither of you knows what is going through his head. And it's beyond ignorant to, without finding out the truth, then go ahead and accuse someone of doing something. Ever heard of 'innocent until PROVEN guilty'? That he watches porn may not have anything to do with their problems. Which is why she needs to be talking to him instead of engaging in wild speculation with a bunch of strangers.
Grinning Maniac Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Get him off the porn. It's not healthy. It doesn't portray women in a good light, that's for sure, and it teaches men all the wrong things about sex. Men who indulge in porn and use it as a basis for real life are completely clueless about sex. I'm sure I'll get a ton of porn advocates telling me I'm full of it. Whatever. That's such a common defense mechanism to deny it. You know what it's doing to your relationship. Its's NOT healthy in any facet of life and serves no justifiable purpose but to distort the mind and twist reality. Just my 2 cents. You're an unhappy Jesus freak who at some point scored a bad lay and who is now projecting this frustration on the rest of us. If you disagree with me you're just in denial. My 2 cents. Why is it that no matter how many times men calmly explain to you ladies in these threads that you have the wrong idea, we always get ignored? Yes, ignored. Because in the next thread made, the original poster inevitably references some hysterical sob story that she read here yet conviently forgets to mention all the posts made in those threads that completely shut down the irrational assumptions therein. If I might provide a dramatization: Paranoid Chick 1: "OMG CHEESE IS EVIL IT GREW FUR AND GAVE ME FOOD POISONING!"! Emotional/Religious Chick 2: "YEAH I HEAR YOU CHEESE DONT NEED TO BE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP! IT'S DEVIL WORK AND BESTIALITY TO COWS! YOU GO GIRL!! Stunned Guy: Um...how long was the cheese in your fridge? Paranoid Chick 1: SIX MONTHS WHY?? Stunned Guy: Well...it was probably just spoiled. Don't eat spoiled cheese. (thread drifts to page 6 and dies) Next Thread: Terrified Topic Starter #689: "Hey LS I just got some cheese out of my fridge and it tasted really bad. I saw a post that said cheese was evil. Is my cheese evil too? Should I hire an exorcist?" ...and so it goes, and so it goes... Sumflower, your boyfriend was likely beating off to porn long before he met you. What was your sex life like in the beginning of the relationship? Was he a virgin before he met you? If not, have previous relationships had this problem? I'm just skeptical as to how something which likely existed all along has suddenly killed your sex life. I'm thinking you may be barking up the wrong tree. In any case this is a problem, obviously. Has he giving any suggestions as to why he thinks this might be happening? PS: CIOC, blow. It's really arrogant and pathetic to suggest that everyone who disagrees with your opinion, is simply "in denial". I could just as easily claim that you're a damned Martian. I watch porn from time to time and I can't remember a single sexual experience where I've thought to myself: "Damn this is boring. I wish things were more like Anal Blasters 16." Thanks for playing.
moimeme Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 I watch porn from time to time and I can't remember a single sexual experience where I've thought to myself: "Damn this is boring. I wish things were more like Anal Blasters 16." :lmao: :lmao:
Sal Paradise Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by Grinning Maniac You're an unhappy Jesus freak who at some point scored a bad lay and who is now projecting this frustration on the rest of us. If you disagree with me you're just in denial. My 2 cents. Why is it that no matter how many times men calmly explain to you ladies in these threads that you have the wrong idea, we always get ignored? Yes, ignored. Because in the next thread made, the original poster inevitably references some hysterical sob story that she read here yet conviently forgets to mention all the posts made in those threads that completely shut down the irrational assumptions therein. If I might provide a dramatization: ...and so it goes, and so it goes... Sumflower, your boyfriend was likely beating off to porn long before he met you. What was your sex life like in the beginning of the relationship? Was he a virgin before he met you? If not, have previous relationships had this problem? I'm just skeptical as to how something which likely existed all along has suddenly killed your sex life. I'm thinking you may be barking up the wrong tree. In any case this is a problem, obviously. Has he giving any suggestions as to why he thinks this might be happening? PS: CIOC, blow. It's really arrogant and pathetic to suggest that everyone who disagrees with your opinion, is simply "in denial". I could just as easily claim that you're a damned Martian. I watch porn from time to time and I can't remember a single sexual experience where I've thought to myself: "Damn this is boring. I wish things were more like Anal Blasters 16." Thanks for playing. Well said.
moimeme Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 You want to hear some excellent (IMHO) and hilarious views on porn, read the Grinning Maniac collection. The guy'll get a Pulitzer one day, I swear.
Author sumflower Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 wow - didn't expect to hear such heated replies from the male population!! thanks for your views, and i actually think that ALL of you have made valid points. not sure if I want to say that any one of you is 100% right either way. Sumflower, your boyfriend was likely beating off to porn long before he met you. What was your sex life like in the beginning of the relationship? Was he a virgin before he met you? If not, have previous relationships had this problem? i had forgot to mention that yes, he has been looking at porn for a long time, and no, he definitely wasn't a virgin. he's been with a lot of women before he met me - but hasn't been in a serious commitment for some time. Porn DOES NOT dull the senses. For most of the population there is nothing wrong with porn, it will not negatively impact their sex life in any way. Are there some with an addiction? Of course but thats the same with anything, those who take it too far. I'm so glad none of the women I've dated through out my life have had problems with someone viewing porn for masturbation purposes. I do tend to avoid uptight overly insecure people. I'd have to say that there is a difference between men who just LOOK at porn to get off and use it for enjoyment. However, I think that people who use it for deeper issues such as using it to feel powerful or dominating because they don't feel that in their own life is completely different. I'm not saying that's why my BF uses it, 'cause like you said, 'we can't speculate what's going through someone else's head'. I also don't think that women who are affected by porn are always insecure!! That's a rather sweeping judgment, but then it comes down to being different as men and women. Most of my girlfriends say that they would not like it if their BF looked at porn either, and some of them are the most self-confident and secure people I've met. I think your experience is different because of the way you use it, and because you INVOLVE your girlfriend. My boyfriend does not want to watch porn with me. Get him off the porn. It's not healthy. It doesn't portray women in a good light, that's for sure, and it teaches men all the wrong things about sex. Men who indulge in porn and use it as a basis for real life are completely clueless about sex. I also think there may be some truth to this. And contrary to what some of you may think, I don't think these views are necessarily religious. I'm not religious at all but like anything, with over-use, i think porn can condition someone to look at women and sex in a negative light - which completely differs from reality. The only people who have a problem with it are insecure, uptight people and or the religious right. As long as your boyfriend/husband is a normal person he shouldn't have any problems with it affecting his sexual relationship with you. Most of the problems with porn aren't with the men watching it but with the jealous women. I resent this comment because it justifies the porn watching behaviour and makes it seem as if women are at fault and should just accept it no matter what. In many cases (from what I've read in testimonials and programs), it's actually the man who is considered at fault for spending more time on the computer than with his SO, as she's in the other room wondering why she's not getting any action. It can go both ways as well - women who look at porn and do not show as much interest in their partner sexually. I think there is a fine line to be walked on this porn issue b/c each situation is different. It's the same as trying to evaluate alcohol: some people can drink it recreationally, while others are completely dependent on it. Normal people are not people without issues. What is normal anyway? Lastly, I wonder if you men could suggest how I should bring up these concerns about his performance without making him feel inadequate? It's really starting to bother me
BigB Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Just a thought, but it may not be the porn that's the problem. well I agree with both sides here, IMO some porn isn't a problem, and too much porn can also be a problem. However I suspect that your boyfriends problem isn't the porn, but the regular masturbating. How often is he masturbating while he's looking at porn? once a day? several times a day? I'm not saying there is anything wrong with masturbating, but if he's pleasuring himself regularly to porn, he's conditioned himself to like a specific type of stimulation. Masturbating doesn't feel the same as regular sex and some guys get over conditioned to the extra friction, squeezing etc. and they have to condition themselves back to enjoying regular sex. I've noticed this myself, first few times I had sex I didn't really enjoy it, and couldn't finish because it didn't feel the way I was used to. You can't control the speed the same way, you can't rub that one special spot, you can't squeeze with your hand, etc. Mentioning that he needs blow-jobs, or to masturbate onto you clued me into this. It's possible that he also may have some fear of intimacy issues.. Or just be a little uncomfortable with sex. Otherwise wouldn't he be happy to watch porn with you? followed by some fun with you? You mention that he has a problem finishing, so I'd approach it like this: Tell him that you've noticed he doesn't seem to be enjoying himself as much as you think he could when your having sex. (this shouldn't hurt as much as you saying "I'm not enjoying myself") Explain some of what I've explained, and if he's willing, suggest that he not masturbate or watch porn for a few days. Then his "sensitivity" will come back, his "dulled senses" should sharpen so to say. Try and get him to watch some porn with you, this might help you determine if he needs the porn present in order to finish, if he does need the porn present, he's got other problems. Another suggestion to wean him off the porn, or at least get him to watch less, limit his porn to magazines, DVD's, video's, etc. The Internet has more porn than you could download in a lifetime, so it becomes and obsession to always find the new porn, the better porn, more porn. just my 2 cents..
Author sumflower Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 Thanks a lot for your input - this was probably the most helpful post so far! Thanks a lot for the advice on how I should bring this up with my BF. I really needed a guy's perspective because I really am in the dark when it comes to the male masturbation stuff. if he's pleasuring himself regularly to porn, he's conditioned himself to like a specific type of stimulation. Masturbating doesn't feel the same as regular sex and some guys get over conditioned to the extra friction, squeezing etc. and they have to condition themselves back to enjoying regular sex. I think that you may have hit the nail on the head here as I always wondered why his masturbation onto my chest seemed so full of friction and extra squeezing - I actually wondered to myself how he could get that same kind of sensation while being inside of me. I do know that he masturbates regularly, although I don't really ask him how often. I'll definitely offer the suggestion of stopping for awhile to see if the sensitivity increases. Is it possible to masturbate a different way so that it feels more like actual sex? My other boyfriends didn't seem to have the same kind of tightness when they used their hands and didn't have problems while they were inside me. Just a thought?? It's possible that he also may have some fear of intimacy issues.. Or just be a little uncomfortable with sex. Otherwise wouldn't he be happy to watch porn with you? followed by some fun with you? It's so easy to jump to porn as being the culprit. I do think there are still issues there with it, but because it doesn't consume his entire life, and has been able to orgasm with me on several occasions (just not during intercourse), then I think what you have suggested makes more sense. I think he looks at particular types of porn because that's what gets him off, and I shouldn't look at it as a bad thing if he brings it into the bedroom. I also think he didn't want to look at porn with me because he didn't want to hurt me with showing me what he likes to look at (ie. certain types of women). My main concern tho when I posted this topic was that he wasn't as turned on b/c of his engagement with porn. It could be a combination of all these things - intimacy could be a big one as well. Sex is such a complex thing - why can't it be simple? Intimacy, physical sensation, communication, emotional connection and all of that just makes it so much more confusing when you're in a relationship. That's why casual sex can be so great sometimes because you don't have to worry about the emotional and intimate stuff as much. Anyway, thanks so much for your input - I feel somewhat relieved upon hearing that masturbation for men can feel differently than actual sex. It makes much more sense and I feel better about bringing this up with him.
BigB Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by sumflower Is it possible to masturbate a different way so that it feels more like actual sex? My other boyfriends didn't seem to have the same kind of tightness when they used their hands and didn't have problems while they were inside me. Just a thought?? Google the word fleshlight. He'll never want to use his hand again. It's scary close to the real thing.
BigB Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Sorry if my last post was short, I realized I was getting behind at work and I needed to run off and do a patrol. Originally posted by sumflower Thanks a lot for your input - this was probably the most helpful post so far! Thanks a lot for the advice on how I should bring this up with my BF. I really needed a guy's perspective because I really am in the dark when it comes to the male masturbation stuff. Your welcome, I hope it helps. Originally posted by sumflower I think that you may have hit the nail on the head here as I always wondered why his masturbation onto my chest seemed so full of friction and extra squeezing - I actually wondered to myself how he could get that same kind of sensation while being inside of me. I do know that he masturbates regularly, although I don't really ask him how often. I'll definitely offer the suggestion of stopping for awhile to see if the sensitivity increases. yup he's a squeezer , I actually heard Dr. Drew talk about this on the radio once, an I realized that I had similar problems so I looked into it. Some guys masturbation habits are on the rough side, and that's the problem. Regular sex is much more wet, slippery, etc. and doesn't have the same feeling. You wondered how he could get he same stimulation inside of you, he can't. That's the problem. But he can adjust, he's just used to one type of stimulation right now. Originally posted by sumflower Is it possible to masturbate a different way so that it feels more like actual sex? My other boyfriends didn't seem to have the same kind of tightness when they used their hands and didn't have problems while they were inside me. Just a thought?? I'll elaborate more on this, he needs to knock off the squeezing, and if he's not using any lubricant, he needs to start. he needs to change it up a little, use a different hand, sit in a different position, try it without porn, etc. Do you have sex with condoms? or without? He might try masturbating while wearing a condom and using some lubricant, the condom with dull the stimulation. He may have problems finishing at first like that, or it'll take longer, but it should help condition him to new types of stimulation. Also the fleshlight I mentioned would help, but I understand if you or he might be against that. I look at it this way: Girls who have problems orgasming use vibrators, why not take the same route with a guy who has problems? Originally posted by sumflower Sex is such a complex thing - why can't it be simple? Intimacy, physical sensation, communication, emotional connection and all of that just makes it so much more confusing when you're in a relationship. That's why casual sex can be so great sometimes because you don't have to worry about the emotional and intimate stuff as much. Interesting, I've always felt the other way on the casual sex thing, I've never enjoyed it. It's always been after I have some intimacy and emotional closeness that the sex got good. How comfortable is he with sex? Do things like you seeing him naked, or having sex with the lights on embarrass him? Is he comfortable with you getting in his personal space? I'm just trying to gauge weather or not he has some fear of intimacy. On the bright side, you've got a guy who takes a long time to finish, and for you, that's a good thing Just be glad he's not finishing after 30 seconds, rolling over and falling asleep.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by BigB Interesting, I've always felt the other way on the casual sex thing, I've never enjoyed it. It's always been after I have some intimacy and emotional closeness that the sex got good. Right on, B! It's good to see another man who feels the same way. I HAVE to have an emotional connection to a woman before intimacy would mean anything. And since I am abstaining, that's not a problem. I made a promise to God and I'm not doing it again until I am married and no, no masturbation either.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by Grinning Maniac You're an unhappy Jesus freak who at some point scored a bad lay and who is now projecting this frustration on the rest of us. If you disagree with me you're just in denial. My 2 cents. Jesus Freak I am. Thanks. PS: CIOC, blow. It's really arrogant and pathetic to suggest that everyone who disagrees with your opinion, is simply "in denial". I could just as easily claim that you're a damned Martian. And why is it the most vocal opponents to my opinion are the very same people indulging in porn? Coincidence?? I think not. I watch porn from time to time and I can't remember a single sexual experience where I've thought to myself: Dulling your senses is not something you're concious of. Give it a few years when your "tool" is numb to intercourse and you think the only "good" sex is ram-rodding like the idiot you just watched demeaning himself and his "ho"..... Thanks for playing. You'll learn one day....
ConfusedInOC Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by sumflower I also think there may be some truth to this. And contrary to what some of you may think, I don't think these views are necessarily religious. I'm not religious at all but like anything, with over-use, i think porn can condition someone to look at women and sex in a negative light - which completely differs from reality. That's pretty much my point. People who need porn to get off have no imagination, which more than likely was destroyed watching too much TV..... I resent this comment because it justifies the porn watching behaviour and makes it seem as if women are at fault and should just accept it no matter what. In many cases (from what I've read in testimonials and programs), it's actually the man who is considered at fault for spending more time on the computer than with his SO, as she's in the other room wondering why she's not getting any action. It can go both ways as well - women who look at porn and do not show as much interest in their partner sexually. I think there is a fine line to be walked on this porn issue b/c each situation is different. It's the same as trying to evaluate alcohol: some people can drink it recreationally, while others are completely dependent on it. Well said. Normal people are not people without issues. What is normal anyway? Agreed. Lastly, I wonder if you men could suggest how I should bring up these concerns about his performance without making him feel inadequate? It's really starting to bother me Draw your line of respect. Tell him how you feel his addiction is effecting your relationship and that you want him off the porn NOW and if he doesn't, you're walking. And be prepared to follow through. His porn addiction is disrespectful to you and if you do not command his respect by drawing a line in the sand, he will continue. And if you draw that line and he crosses it, do you want to stay in this relationship? His addiction to porn will only get worse, not better. Good luck.
BigB Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Right on, B! It's good to see another man who feels the same way. I HAVE to have an emotional connection to a woman before intimacy would mean anything. And since I am abstaining, that's not a problem. I made a promise to God and I'm not doing it again until I am married and no, no masturbation either. thanks, the few times (maybe like 3) I've had casual sex it just was never any good, I felt self conscious, uncomfortable. When I was in a LTR, it was great. I'm abstaining as well, but not till marriage, just waiting to find the right girl. I don't want to have casual sex, so I'm just biding my time till the next LTR. It's been a little over 6 years. Originally posted by ConfusedInOC no masturbation either. You sir, are braver than I.
moimeme Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Draw your line of respect. Tell him how you feel his addiction is effecting your relationship and that you want him off the porn NOW and if he doesn't, you're walking. And be prepared to follow through. His porn addiction is disrespectful to you and if you do not command his respect by drawing a line in the sand, he will continue. And if you draw that line and he crosses it, do you want to stay in this relationship? His addiction to porn will only get worse, not better Again, there is no evidence whatsoever of an 'addiction'. One really must be careful with these off-the-cuff non-evidence-based leaps to conclusion. And it is far too facile to blame porn for all the ills of mankind. It's also ridiculous to sugget that extended periods of watching porn will turn everyone numb. Again, that it happened to you speaks to your own issues. You aren't everyman - something each of us must keep in mind when we offer advice. BigB, I think, gave excellent advice to the OP . And it seems the 'squeezer' theory is a good one.
BigB Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme BigB, I think, gave excellent advice to the OP . And it seems the 'squeezer' theory is a good one. thank you.
Recommended Posts