brokengirl85 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Merry Christmas! I'd like to know what would you reply to a merry Christmas wishes from someone who most likely is stringing you along. I've stopped replying to his texts 10 days ago and he texted me in three different times, wishing me a good day, a good week, and now a merry christmas. I don't want to sound like a bitch ignoring his warm wishes, but this is a guy who most probably wants to string me along. I like him, we went on three dates, but he never proposed a fourth date. He is multidating as well. My guess is he wants to have me as a side chick, and I'm not ok with that. At all. I've ignored his last texts but I feel kind of sad ignoring a merry Christmas wish. I'd appreciate some opinions. Thank you in advance 1
GemmaUK Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Were these all personal messages with your name in them? If not then just leave it as is. It's possible he has sent the same thing to everyone. You clearly have a feeling he isn't for you anyway so no need to string it out. 1
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 Yes, my name was in it. I replied "Thank you very much" It's really annoying these type of guys who wants to have a backup plan and string women along. I was going to ignore since it's so obvious, but then I replied "thank you" and that was all. no best wishes for him
Snakechammah Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 I'm glad you are sensible to NOT ignore and not fall for the trick either. Well done! I think the 'thank you' is enough to be polite yet still uninterested. Perfect answer in my opinion! Do enjoy your Christmas and may 2016 brings you better quality guys to date and love! 5
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 Did I do the right thing? I'm still not sure if he's stringing me along but there are major red flags (three dates and we're both still online dating, he texts me every three days with random messages but no fourth date invitation, in our dates we chit chatted but nothing consistent which made me believe he wanted just sex, never said I was beautiful and, mostly, he made me feel insecure and confused. He's condescending with me but I guess it's his personality. Meh) Me: never initiated, never had sex, sometimes ignored him when his texts were inconclusive, never made him feel pressured, quite the contrary!) Yesterday night he asked if I'd like to meet this weekend or next week and I replied yes, but that I already have other commitments this weekend but we could plan for next week. Cri cri... Should I just had accepted going out with him this weekend? Is it ok the way I'm proceeding (cautiously, slow, light)?
GR4 Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 From a guys point of view when a girl starts ignoring my messages that signals that she's not interested in me. I might try a couple more times but my enthusiasm would quickly fade and I'd be left pretty pissed off. Ignoring someone is a pretty nasty thing to do in my eyes, it leads to resentment. 1
preraph Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 Just know that for at least the first month and beyond, depending on the discipline of the guy, this is when guys are basically on their best behavior and unfortunately it's not usually their real self but just designed to bed you. I heard talk show host Steve Harvey say something about that recently that made sense to me. He said guys are masterful at telling new women what they think they want to hear, but that most of them don't have it in them to keep that up for much longer than a month. They just get tired of doing things the way that they think will work best and rever to their old selfish lazier selves. But I know that varies because I've seen guys keep their face on for a couple of years or even until they're married and then turn into abusers seemingly overnight with a couple of my friends. Some can stick it out a long time, though I maintain those women just missed big red flags. In both of their relationships, I knew something was off just from casual observation (like saw one steal something and the other one being overly possessive). It's important to wait a couple of years before you think you know someone. Woman are also on their best behavior if they're looking to marry. You can't rush things. 3 weeks is still early for what we used to call "going steady" or making a commitment to only see each other. If you're not happy with anyone dating anyone else while dating you (and I get that -- I think it wouldn't hurt to date one person at a time to give it the best shot at working), then you probably should put that in your profile but in the lightest way possible. Not like "I need commitment on the first date," but "I find I'm able to focus better on a man if we're both just dating each other, for as long as that last, whether it be 2 dates or two years."
smackie9 Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 You are the one string him along. If your gut is telling you this guy is a douche bag, then tell him you are no longer interested in pursuing anything with him. 2
GR4 Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 You are the one string him along. If your gut is telling you this guy is a douche bag, then tell him you are no longer interested in pursuing anything with him. Exactly. I'm pretty certain I'm in the process of being strung along at the moment and it's not fun at all. Always be honest, it's not a lot to ask and it's not difficult to do.
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 Exactly. I'm pretty certain I'm in the process of being strung along at the moment and it's not fun at all. Always be honest, it's not a lot to ask and it's not difficult to do. I'm giving him the same treatment he's giving me. He's also ignored my texts, or worse, he didn't follow through it, leaving like a dead line. I'm not stringing him along. I like him.
SwordofFlame Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 It sounds like you're hoping he'll change his behavior to your liking. Not going to happen. Just forget this guy. 1
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 Just know that for at least the first month and beyond, depending on the discipline of the guy, this is when guys are basically on their best behavior and unfortunately it's not usually their real self but just designed to bed you. I heard talk show host Steve Harvey say something about that recently that made sense to me. He said guys are masterful at telling new women what they think they want to hear, but that most of them don't have it in them to keep that up for much longer than a month. They just get tired of doing things the way that they think will work best and rever to their old selfish lazier selves. But I know that varies because I've seen guys keep their face on for a couple of years or even until they're married and then turn into abusers seemingly overnight with a couple of my friends. Some can stick it out a long time, though I maintain those women just missed big red flags. In both of their relationships, I knew something was off just from casual observation (like saw one steal something and the other one being overly possessive). It's important to wait a couple of years before you think you know someone. Woman are also on their best behavior if they're looking to marry. You can't rush things. 3 weeks is still early for what we used to call "going steady" or making a commitment to only see each other. If you're not happy with anyone dating anyone else while dating you (and I get that -- I think it wouldn't hurt to date one person at a time to give it the best shot at working), then you probably should put that in your profile but in the lightest way possible. Not like "I need commitment on the first date," but "I find I'm able to focus better on a man if we're both just dating each other, for as long as that last, whether it be 2 dates or two years." I was ok with dating only him because I honestly don't have time to multi date. It's exhausting! But he was dating others since the beginning so...
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 It sounds like you're hoping he'll change his behavior to your liking. Not going to happen. Just forget this guy. I'm not initiating, what do you mean with forgetting this guy?? Not replying to his texts anymore? Ignoring forever? What do you mean
ExpatInItaly Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 I'm not initiating, what do you mean with forgetting this guy?? Not replying to his texts anymore? Ignoring forever? What do you mean I think that's probably exactly what the poster meant. It sounds like you'll just be going in circles with this guy so I'd get off the merry-go-round. 2
katiegrl Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 From a guys point of view when a girl starts ignoring my messages that signals that she's not interested in me. I might try a couple more times but my enthusiasm would quickly fade and I'd be left pretty pissed off. Ignoring someone is a pretty nasty thing to do in my eyes, it leads to resentment. Things are not always what they appear to be, so to assume it means she is not interested is not *always* the case. There are soooooooo many mixed messages and misunderstandings when dating, and even in relationships... never ever * assume* anything.
GR4 Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 Things are not always what they appear to be, so to assume it means she is not interested is not *always* the case. There are soooooooo many mixed messages and misunderstandings when dating, and even in relationships... never ever * assume* anything. I'd agree with that but if you've always been ghosted on by women you're naturally going to assume it's happening again when you don't hear back from them for a while. In my situation I'm trying to give her the benefit of doubt. It's a busy time of year but how much benefit of doubt do I give her before I look pathetic?
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 26, 2015 Author Posted December 26, 2015 (edited) It's hard for me to just ignore someone forever. Specially someone I like. I'd have to just block him so I don't have to see his texts but what if he is just slow and doesn't want to rush things? He sent me a merry Christmas text and I replied merry Christmas because I'm polite. But he hasn't planned our fourth date yet even though I told him last night I'm up to meet next week. One thing I know and is that I won't accept a date if he asks me after Wednesday. I have other options and I won't wait for him anymore. Edited December 26, 2015 by brokengirl85
GR4 Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 It's hard for me to just ignore someone forever. Specially someone I like. I'd have to just block him so I don't have to see his texts but what if he is just slow and doesn't want to rush things? He sent me a merry Christmas text and I replied merry Christmas because I'm polite. But he hasn't planned our fourth date yet even though I told him last night I'm up to meet next week. One thing I know and is that I won't accept a date if he asks me after Wednesday. I have other options and I won't wait for him anymore. Why don't you set up a date then? Sort out a place and a time and tell him you want to see him again. 1
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 26, 2015 Author Posted December 26, 2015 Why don't you set up a date then? Sort out a place and a time and tell him you want to see him again. Ugh are you serious? I don't want to chase him. He's online so I guess talking to others. I don't want to be rejected, honestly.
Snakechammah Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 That's a good plan but don't write him off just because he ask you after Wednesday. There is a possibility that he may view you as an object to conquer and after you've had sex, bear in mind, he may disappear... so please TREAD CAREFULLY. One thing's for sure though, Live your life. Don't wait for him. If he text, cool, go out with him and try to have fun. If he doesn't, it's his loss and you move on. Don't give him any more thought than what he deserves. When one door closes, another one opens. All the best!
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 26, 2015 Author Posted December 26, 2015 That's a good plan but don't write him off just because he ask you after Wednesday. There is a possibility that he may view you as an object to conquer and after you've had sex, bear in mind, he may disappear... so please TREAD CAREFULLY. One thing's for sure though, Live your life. Don't wait for him. If he text, cool, go out with him and try to have fun. If he doesn't, it's his loss and you move on. Don't give him any more thought than what he deserves. When one door closes, another one opens. All the best! Yes, but it bothers me the fact he might think I'm available for him whenever it occurs to him. I'm not a plan b. Two things I have clear, one is I won't have sex with him until I'm sure what his intentions are, and two I won't dismiss him if he contacts me after Wednesday BUT I'll tell him I'm already busy for the weekend. He cannot think I'm accessible whenever he has no other plans. You know what? I'm tired. Tired of the douchebags, tired of the jerks, the players, the liars, the narcissists, the unavailable, the users. TIRED of having to deal with murky people. Ugh
Snakechammah Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 Yes, but it bothers me the fact he might think I'm available for him whenever it occurs to him. I'm not a plan b. Two things I have clear, one is I won't have sex with him until I'm sure what his intentions are, and two I won't dismiss him if he contacts me after Wednesday BUT I'll tell him I'm already busy for the weekend. He cannot think I'm accessible whenever he has no other plans. You know what? I'm tired. Tired of the douchebags, tired of the jerks, the players, the liars, the narcissists, the unavailable, the users. TIRED of having to deal with murky people. Ugh I hear you! Same here. I'm also tired of the douchies in the world. But don't stress, the minute you free yourself from thoughts of useless men, the right one will come along. Nobody's perfect but at least hopefully a matured, intelligent, level-headed, emotionally-healthy one will pass your way soon. I hope 2016 will be a better year for you!
Qboro90 Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 Did I do the right thing? I'm still not sure if he's stringing me along but there are major red flags (three dates and we're both still online dating, he texts me every three days with random messages but no fourth date invitation, in our dates we chit chatted but nothing consistent which made me believe he wanted just sex, never said I was beautiful and, mostly, he made me feel insecure and confused. He's condescending with me but I guess it's his personality. Meh) Me: never initiated, never had sex, sometimes ignored him when his texts were inconclusive, never made him feel pressured, quite the contrary!) Yesterday night he asked if I'd like to meet this weekend or next week and I replied yes, but that I already have other commitments this weekend but we could plan for next week. Cri cri... Should I just had accepted going out with him this weekend? Is it ok the way I'm proceeding (cautiously, slow, light)? This guy has asked you out for a fourth date!!! Cmon are you serious. You're the one that's being flakey. You're the one that's inconsistent. This guy has been continuously trying to communicate with you, even through short messages to see how your day or week is going. You don't reply, or you are short and uninviting. I'm surprised he's still trying with what you've done to him up to this point. Expecting him to close his online dating profile after 3 dates with you where you haven't shown him you want anything more or vocalized it either is irrational. As stated in precious posts, it's not this guy that's acting strange. It's you. Until you figure out what you want and learn that guys can't read your mind and do the things that you are expecting them to do at this point then you're going to continue to go through these same situations 3
GR4 Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 Ugh are you serious? I don't want to chase him. He's online so I guess talking to others. I don't want to be rejected, honestly. Fine. If you're not prepared to 'chase' him then be prepared to lose him. You come across as entitled. It's okay for him to chase and for him to face possible rejection but not for you?
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 26, 2015 Author Posted December 26, 2015 Ok fine. I just sent him a text asking how was his day. Happy now? I've screwed everything now because he'll think I'm chasing him. Ugh
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