Is it good if someone gets into a new relationship very quickly?

[brightstars]

I have been wondering if is it a good or bad sign when you see a guy get into a relationship so easy without waiting after a break up. For example if a guy wants to be with a girl and tells her he broke up just a month ago this doesn't sound so good. It feels like he just wants to have fun and then leave after a while. I can't believe that a guy who has been in a relationship with a girl for more than 7-8 months can so easily be ready to be with a new girl without still thinking about his ex. What's you opinion about this? Does the time a guy chooses after a break up to get into a new relationship shows his intentions from the start? As the example i told you above does this show he only wants to have fun or forget the ex or is it possible for a guy to actually see a girl he likes a lot and get into a serious relationship with this new girl?

[Gloria25]

It depends...

 

I mean, the dumper usually had time to grieve, mull over and make up their mind to do the "break"...so yea, if they don't already have someone lined up, they are in a better place than the dumpee to move on.

 

But yes, people who jump from person to person - gotta find out by date "3" and/or before sex happens what this person wants from dating. I mean, cuz if someone is just looking for "companionship" (sex, movies, hang out) and has no intention of settling down now, or anytime soon - then yes, it is easy for them to jump from person to person cuz they aren't dating for "depth" and/or an actual connection with someone for the longhaul. They are just looking for "Mr/Mrs Right Now".

 

And, that's what I hate about "dating". How many people do you do through before you decide to marry one? I'm sorry, but I don't wanna be some guy's "escort". I want a "long-term committed RL". Not some guy who once he gets bored in a year or to is gonna be like "next" cuz all he needs is someone to "hang" with.

[Snakechammah]

I am wondering the same thing!

 

I'm getting involved with a guy who has just broken up - like 1.5 months ago.

 

I am worried about his intentions with me, and if I am just a rebound opportunity.

 

I'd love to hear the guys' views on this!

[czen]

I think it really depends on the person. I once had a girlfriend, checked out of the relationship months prior, then broke up, dated someone new for a few months, and then found my following girlfriend who I have been with for over two years. It was easier for me, since in my mind I already was single for months. Also, some people are just not that emotional.

 

I think you should take it slow though with someone who just came out of a relationship. You do not want to be the person who is just there to fill the void. I don't think there is anything wrong with seeing each other once or twice a week though.

[Giggle]

I take it as a bad sign but not even for that reason. My ex went from married and living with me.. 2 months later he was with this other chick. He didn't even want to get divorced, that was all big meanie me. Month after that they were living together. He isn't playing. They are now engaged. However. Horribly unhealthy. Some people can't deal with being alone.

[Glitters]

Some people get over the relationship and the person before the formal break up. They are emotionally ready to enter a new relationship but because of the ' rebound theory ' all over the media , many people don't want to go near them and lose out on the opportunity

[brightstars]

I think it really depends on the person. I once had a girlfriend, checked out of the relationship months prior, then broke up, dated someone new for a few months, and then found my following girlfriend who I have been with for over two years. It was easier for me, since in my mind I already was single for months. Also, some people are just not that emotional.

 

I think you should take it slow though with someone who just came out of a relationship. You do not want to be the person who is just there to fill the void. I don't think there is anything wrong with seeing each other once or twice a week though.

 

czen I agree that the character of someone is also important for these situations. There might be people who are not very emotional as you said and getting from one relationship to another without thinking is something easy for them. Also there might be others who are more emotional and want to find someone to get into a serious relationship or if they break up they need time to get over the ex before finding someone new.

[brightstars]

It depends...

 

I mean, the dumper usually had time to grieve, mull over and make up their mind to do the "break"...so yea, if they don't already have someone lined up, they are in a better place than the dumpee to move on.

 

But yes, people who jump from person to person - gotta find out by date "3" and/or before sex happens what this person wants from dating. I mean, cuz if someone is just looking for "companionship" (sex, movies, hang out) and has no intention of settling down now, or anytime soon - then yes, it is easy for them to jump from person to person cuz they aren't dating for "depth" and/or an actual connection with someone for the longhaul. They are just looking for "Mr/Mrs Right Now".

 

And, that's what I hate about "dating". How many people do you do through before you decide to marry one? I'm sorry, but I don't wanna be some guy's "escort". I want a "long-term committed RL". Not some guy who once he gets bored in a year or to is gonna be like "next" cuz all he needs is someone to "hang" with.

 

Once i had met a guy i really liked. We started dating and i was so happy. I saw he was distant and didn't care sometimes at all about me from the start. Then i was thinking that this is not the way a guy you are in a relationship with acts. It just didn't feel right. I talked to him and he said he wasn't interested in a relationship. We stopped dating. At least i saw his intentions early and didn't loose any more time to something that didn't fullfill me. I also do prefer a thousand times to find someone who really likes me and be with him than just date someone to have fun and then leave.

[Wewon]

There's a reason that we have the term 'rebound'.

 

Your mileage may vary based on the length, intensity, etc. of the old relationship as well as the maturity, temperament and independence of the person moving on, but there is definitely a period of time when a person is probably not a solid candidate for a serious relationship. They may still be in morning, digesting/denial/avoiding what they should have learned, seeking validation or possibly over correcting from what they saw as their own wrongs in the relationship.

 

My experience in this was dating someone and finding out that I was a complete 180 flip from her ex. In retrospect it was clear that she was over correcting trying to avoid any traits that she was in him. The problem with this is she was also denying her "type" by doing it.

[big dog]

Many suffer from " co-dependency" and just seem to have to constantly be in a relationship in one form or another. This is a dangerous thing in that people can fall in love in their minds rather than in their hearts ( does that make sense? ) and many will even marry only to find out later that it was a mistake. They don't get to know the other person well enough and judgement can be clouded by that "need" for companionship and a relationship. Or at least that's been my observation of several people over the years.