How long did it take you to get over the fact they cheated on you?

[Brady_to_Moss]

I am pretty much there...5 weeks later. She was cheating on me the entire time. My last message to her back then was i don't deserve you..and you don't deserve me..and haven't herd from her since.

 

I had rough patches..and some days i still see things that remind me of her..but then i tell myself.."she is such a awful person..don't sweat it"

 

How long did it take you?

[Spectre]

Hold up she cheated on you and then you told her you didn't deserve her?

[Space Ritual]

I am pretty much there...5 weeks later. She was cheating on me the entire time. My last message to her back then was i don't deserve you..and you don't deserve me..and haven't herd from her since.

 

I had rough patches..and some days i still see things that remind me of her..but then i tell myself.."she is such a awful person..don't sweat it"

 

How long did it take you?

 

 

It takes each individual a different amount of time due to a number of factors, such as duration of your relationship investment, how remorseful a person is about it, duration of the cheating, and a lot of other things.

 

But that dos not matter, the pain you feel is just as real and upsetting as it is for anyone else. One thing I will never advise anyone who is a victim of cheating is to get over it or to suck it up. It just does not work that way.

 

I have been cheated on in literally every relationship I have been in as an adult. I have never cheated or even contemplated doing so either physically or emotionally. However I got burned time and again. The pain differed from one relationship to the next, as did the duration of the pain and the beginning of healing.

 

So although I understand where you are coming from, please know that you heal in your own good time.

 

One thing I can't stress enough is to make the person who cheated on you as insignificant as possible on your life. Dwelling is ok in a short term, but too much of it and trying to understand all of it will drive you crazy.

 

You will have rough patches or awhile. Sometimes I have a trigger even years later. Sometimes reading in this forum in particular can be a trigger. Matter of fact right now I just had a passing thought of how nice it would be to set my ex on fire and then taking a dump on her corpse, but that will pass...It really would have been a total waste of the Portillo's Italian Beef I just ate though

Just a pleasant thought for the Holidays....LOL.

 

Sorry for the vulgarity but sometimes we all need a laugh, even if it a very sophomoric one. I'm not known around here for being a real compassionate person towards cheaters.

 

I am very sorry that it's bugging you,especially tonight of all nights. I know it is not easy, but you will get through it. I assure you that you will.

[Darren Steez]

Hold up she cheated on you and then you told her you didn't deserve her?

 

Does sounds skewed but if you take it literally then absolutely, she doesn't doesn't a man who treats her right and doesn't cheat and her doesn't deserve the reverse.

 

It does make sense.

[Spectre]

But saying "I don't deserve you" is phrased in a way to suggest they don't deserve it because they are sub par. It does not read like "I deserve better then you". Especially when he tells her first that she doesn't deserve him..which he could of just left it at that, so how does it make sense to say "I don't deserve you either" after?

[Darren Steez]

I am pretty much there...5 weeks later. She was cheating on me the entire time. My last message to her back then was i don't deserve you..and you don't deserve me..and haven't herd from her since.

 

I had rough patches..and some days i still see things that remind me of her..but then i tell myself.."she is such a awful person..don't sweat it"

 

How long did it take you?

 

 

You're already half way there. You recognize what she is and what she did, you don't have blinkers on about it.

 

My guess is it's much easier to "move on" per say when you're back in the dating game. Hence stuff like exit affairs, much harder to look yourself in the mirror and make the hard choices often people seek that outlet so when they do break up they have the distraction of the other person, a soft landing so to speak.

 

Truthfully it never fully leaves. But you make it what you will, up to you to dust yourself off and say screw you to her and start living your life again.

[Amelie1980]

never got over it

[smackie9]

The day I finally dumped him lol.

[longjohn]

In my case I was married/in a relationship with a woman for a good 6 years. I even moved to a different country to be with her. After all of that she cheated on me with some fat guy that told her what she wanted to hear. I suppose she thought the grass was greener? I don't know. His wife wasn't impressed when I found her and told her. Less impressed when I presented irrefutable evidence!

 

What I do know is that relationship poisoned every relationship I've had after her. I was long over her when I left her but the shadow that relationship cast was long and wide. I'd estimate a good 4 years before I become fully self aware I was reacting to things in new relationships as if I were still in the old relationship. Then again it's also nice to be in a relationship where I'm always being told I'm wrong all the time!

[Glass Hut]

Honestly what's the big deal about cheating. Relationships are built on this "now I'm the only person that can have sex with you" and it's so ridiculous. I don't want to be friends with girls in relationships. Why would I want to give them the time of day. This world is so crazy.

[ExpatInItaly]

It depends on what you mean by "get over."

 

I think it forever changes your perception of trust and relationships, to some extent. I had a long-term boyfriend who cheated and while the pain of the betrayal itself wore off after about a year, I would say.

 

But that sort of blind optimism I might have had about relationships before is probably gone for good. I understand that trust needs to be built, not blindly given. Partners should show through their actions - consistently - that they are trustworthy and we must also be willing to allow them in. The biggest challenge I faced was being too closed-off to new men. I probably didn't give some a fair chance out of fear of being hurt.

 

It's been about 4 years now. I don't give a zoom about my cheating ex anymore. When he crosses my mind now, I don't have any emotional reaction. There's just nothing there any longer. And my current boyfriend has been wonderful and we build trust together all the time. I let him in; he's consistently showed me that was a wise choice!