CalvinM Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) Long story short, I took the train this afternoon from my hometown to where my parents live (about 2 hours south) for Christmas holidays. A woman on the train changed her seat and sat beside me. I'm trying not to add anything to the story one way or another that would influence the outcome, but the train was half empty, including a few completely empty (window and aisle seats), yet she chose the aisle seat beside me. She later said she had switched seats because the allocated seat was facing backwards and that gives her motion sickness. She also said she feels weird sitting with people she doesn't know. I saw she was reading a book about Vancouver, and having been there a few times, asked if she was taking a trip there. She isn't. She's moving for work. Regardless, the conversation lasted the entire duration of the train ride, and even after I let her get back to her reading, she asked about me, what I do for work, who I'm visiting and where I'm from originally. When I told her that I'm a graphic designer, she offered her email and said that we should definitely keep in touch, and that she may need a website eventually. She also mentioned that she had attended a concert with her boyfriend, and when I asked if he was moving with her, she laughed and said "no, he's long gone. I'm completely single now." I felt like she had wanted me to kiss her, but that's a tough thing to recover from, if I read her wrong. Do I have a next move here? Coffee date perhaps, or should I just bask in the moment and keep it platonic for now? Edited December 24, 2015 by CalvinM
jen1447 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Sounds like pretty clear interest. (The email is likely just a ploy to get you contact info for the future.) What's your story - are you a shy guy, bold guy, quiet guy, loud guy, etc.? (I assume you're single.) I'd reach out sooner rather than later and don't be coy about it. (Don't pretend you want to design her website, that'll just tell her you don't have the balls to take a risk.) Be dignified and respectful tho, just say you found her interesting and you'd like to take her out some time. If you got the wrong impression or if her frame of mind has since changed she'll tell you one way or another, but if that's what she was after too she'll make it happen. It's a win-win, no loose ends and no half measures. 3
Author CalvinM Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 She leaves for Vancouver on Tuesday. And she's gone for at least two years.
angel.eyes Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Good! That gives you five days to meet with her. Hop on it and contact her if you were at all interested. 2
Author CalvinM Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 She doesn't get back to Ottawa until Sunday. Should I wait until Saturday to message her? What sort of approach should I take?
Author CalvinM Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) How far away is Vancouver? About 5 hours by plane. Edit. I don't want to seem too eager, but it's also a very small window, and I think she was putting out some clear signals. It's a given that I probably shouldn't message her on Christmas Day, but I think the day after is safe. Does anyone actually follow the three day rule? Edited December 24, 2015 by CalvinM
FadedSign52 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 She doesn't get back to Ottawa until Sunday. Should I wait until Saturday to message her? What sort of approach should I take? I wouldn't wait and would keep the message short and sweet. It definitely sounds like she's interested. 1
jen1447 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 About 5 hours by plane. Edit. I don't want to seem too eager, but it's also a very small window, and I think she was putting out some clear signals. It's a given that I probably shouldn't message her on Christmas Day, but I think the day after is safe. Does anyone actually follow the three day rule? Wow. So that'd be kinda prohibitive for a regular dating or relationship thing. Maybe she wants a ONS. I'd email her Saturday. Don't follow any rules. 3
FadedSign52 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 About 5 hours by plane. Edit. I don't want to seem too eager, but it's also a very small window, and I think she was putting out some clear signals. It's a given that I probably shouldn't message her on Christmas Day, but I think the day after is safe. Does anyone actually follow the three day rule? The 3 day rule is complete BS in my opinion, especially in this day and age. If somehow she thinks you're too eager by sending her an email the next day she's not worth your time anyway. Just don't write a 5 page email about how shes the love of your life 1
Author CalvinM Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 Wow. So that'd be kinda prohibitive for a regular dating or relationship thing. Maybe she wants a ONS. I'd email her Saturday. Don't follow any rules. "Hey X, it was great to meet you. Perhaps if you're not too busy with the move, we should grab drinks before you leave." Thoughts?
jen1447 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 "Hey X, it was great to meet you. Perhaps if you're not too busy with the move, we should grab drinks before you leave." Thoughts? If you feel comfy with that, go for it. Don't overthink this. 1
Author CalvinM Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 Should I wait until Saturday to send it or is tonight ok?
StBreton Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 "Hey X, it was great to meet you. Perhaps if you're not too busy with the move, we should grab drinks before you leave." Thoughts? I like it! But change the should to could. 5 hour plane ride is very long. 2 years is a long time but not bad. It's nice to here people meeting IRL vs OLD...very sweet. Good you didn't kiss her...that's more something you'd see in a movie for effect.
StBreton Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Should I wait until Saturday to send it or is tonight ok? Send it tonight...by Saturday is almost seems like you're not interested. Forget the 3 day rule. 1
FadedSign52 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Should I wait until Saturday to send it or is tonight ok? I would send it tonight but that's just me. She came and sat next to you on the train so she's clearly not the timid type. Getting laid is not a bad x-mas present 1
jen1447 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 My instinct says Saturday but the others may be right too.
Author CalvinM Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 My instinct says Saturday but the others may be right too. My instincts say Saturday too, but she was very bold as the others have said. Having never been in this situation, I'm not sure.
jen1447 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 My instincts say Saturday too, but she was very bold as the others have said. Having never been in this situation, I'm not sure. Saturday then. (It's just as important that you feel comfortable with it as what you think she wants.)
StBreton Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 My instincts say Saturday too, but she was very bold as the others have said. Having never been in this situation, I'm not sure. I would have forgotten about you if you waited till Saturday... This isn't betting all your money on the trifecta Calvin...just go for it...text something light hearted and fun ... mention something the two of you talked about on the train. Guys overthink these things. OP...I met someone about a month ago. He was in town visiting his daughter. He approached a girlfriend and I at an upscale restaurant/bar...pretty bold but very cute. He called the very next morning ... we're still talking. He's coming out for a week to visit next month (to mostly visit me) and planning on moving here to be closer to his daughter. If this guy had waited 3 days...ya he's not interested in me. I was flattered he called so quickly. He's adorable:) 1
Author CalvinM Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 Alright peeps, good talk. I just emailed her. "X, it was great to meet you. If you're not too busy with the move I'd love to meet you for drinks before you leave. Ps, if you ever need a partner for the Grouse Grind, let me know. ;)" 3
StBreton Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) Alright peeps, good talk. I just emailed her. "X, it was great to meet you. If you're not too busy with the move I'd love to meet you for drinks before you leave. Ps, if you ever need a partner for the Grouse Grind, let me know. ;)" Reach through the screen high five Calvin! Way to make it happen for yourself. Love the message:) Have zero expectations now...that's the best attitude. Edited December 24, 2015 by StBreton 2
Author CalvinM Posted December 26, 2015 Author Posted December 26, 2015 "Thanks my name - Merry Christmas! I highly doubt I will have time though, and I'm trying not to stress about all that I have to accomplish in just a couple of days.....thank goodness for family TLC and IPA in the meantime lol! Hope you enjoyed your trip home. I will keep in mind your offer for the Grouse Grind..... Take good care!"
losangelena Posted December 26, 2015 Posted December 26, 2015 Awww ... what!?? I am surprised about her response! I'm more on the shy side, so there is no way I would have sat next to you, talked you up and given you my card if I didn't want to meet up! Ugh, sorry. I know you were keeping your expectations low, but dang if I thought she was going to respond more positively. I don't think there was anything wrong with your approach.
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