Fallen_Angel Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn I think on popular demand we could extend the No Contact day for one more day. Please! We're not all in the same time zone, you know!
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn Romeo, No contact day was yesterday and you are again late !! I was waiting for today - Low to moderate with a northwesterly breeze Contact day
outdated Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 2005- The Year of The No Contact. There's no point in letting it be just one day. If we make it a whole year, then all of us who made it will be baggage free anyhow. A day just isn't enough. Stick it to yer ex. By not contacting them, let them know what a truly magical year the Year of No Contact is. When you don't contact them, they will know that you are happy and secure in your new land of uncontactability. Therefore there will be no need for them to contact you, so they will enjoy the Year of The No Contact as well! Soon, no one will contact anyone and the world will stop spinning and fall off it's axis. Then we really party. Honey? Can you hear me? Of course you can't, because it's the Year of The No Contact, beeeeyotch!!!
ConfusedInOC Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 When's Limited Contact day? I was gonna have a party.
dgiirl Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC When's Limited Contact day? I was gonna have a party. Limited contact? I dont want limited, i need _low_ contact lol
moon Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 I broke no contact today after months and months. I am supposed to be moving away (for two years) and for the first time I actually asked my ex in an e-mail for an explanation for why he treated me like he had. I told him I don't want anything but his personal answer of why he felt he could get away with what he did to me. I know bad me, but for some personal reason I just thought I'd throw out those final words. That was closure I guess for me. I never even asked for an explanation for what my ex did. My friend was telling me the other day that when her ex dumped her for another women, she was so upset. She ignored the guy for a long time and then finally realized the affect it'd had on her. She FORCED him to attend one of her therapy sessions with her. I thought that was sort of interesting. My friend is now happily married to somebody else. So I thought no harm in one e-mail. It's been over seven months since we broke up so I don't think there would be a fear that I'm trying to hook up with him again. Actually I made that very clear and told him about all the good things that have been happening to me lately. I don't know that my ex will conjure up an apology, because he never gave me one before. But seriously, after all the feelings of like and love go away for the ex, I don't think it's the worst thing to contact them months later, just to see if they themselves figured out why they did what they did. I know that goes against the no contact rule, but I like I said we broke up over seven months ago and we've only had one exchange since then, so I know he doesn't think I'm after him. I know this. I just wanted to remind him that he f*cked me over.....so he doesn't forget it.
dgiirl Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 If you reach a stage where you can honestly think about your ex with no emotions whatsoever, then having contact with him is ok. After all, you really dont care what he thinks so if he's rude then it wont affect you. However, knowing _when_ you have no emotions for them is really difficult. But if you need closure, months after the breakup, go for it. You probably wont like what you hear, but atleast you made peace with it and can move on.
moon Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 dgiirl, Thanks, yeah I can honestly say that I could never return to my ex boyfriend. I was not at all like that even after the break up. I knew it was sort of like God telling me enough with that guy already. It did really hurt me, though. Even though he hooked up with a new girl a week after breaking up with me, he was the one acting like I was the villan. He blamed it all on me. That's another reason I never contacted him before because I knew even if I got into a discussion with him about it, he would turn the tables on me. He actually did tell me to call him a few months after the break up and I never did. So it's not like he told me I never want to talk to you again. I just didn't want to get into it with him anyway. I just thought if he wants to go.....go. But I was feeling really emotional the other day and getting all these negative vibes when I thought about my ex. I was imagining him mad at me!!! He never takes responsibility for any of the problems in his life. I was actually at work when I wrote the e-mail and typed it quickly, yet read it over before I sent it and it was exactly what I wanted to say. It just said that I feel that our break up in the end is probably a good thing for both of us. I outlined my plans to go back to school in another country, but I reminded him that he never gave me any sort of explanation for his poor treatment. Mind you, I am so clueless about his life that I don't even really know that this supposed rnew elationship he insinuated about to a mutual friend even got off the ground. I high tailed it out of there. BUT it doesn't erase the memories of somebody dumping you for somebody else (if that's what happened). I guess I just got sick of wondering what the real story was and like I said I have no doubts that I am leaving for a few years soon and that my ex and I have no future together. I made it clear that I am over him. My ex went through all sorts of problems during our relationship and I was always a friend to him about it. I asked him why when I needed him to be a friend to me (at least being nice about the breaking up part) he felt the need to turn it around and make me feel like I was to blame. So anyway, I hope he can some day hold himself accountable for his actions. Those types of things do serious harm to people. But yeah, I never even looked for closure early on. I thought what's the point. I am too mad, I am too confused. But now I sort of have my head on straight and just want a clean break when I leave soon. I mean doesn't this guy believe in karma????? II knew him for four f*cken years! That's a huge chunk of my life. But yeah, I would never have written or called even remotely regarding a reconcilation. That's seriously the farthest thing from my mind. Those of you who are actually over your exes, yet not feeling like you said all you needed to say, can understand. I don't "care" about him, I care about me! And my future dating life. I want a simple sort of closure that only he can give me. I want him to stop acting like it's my fault and face up to it. That's all. Maybe I don't even need him to respond, I just need him to read what I wrote and think about what a d*ck head he is. The e-mail wasn't angry at all, though, it was very short and matter a fact and to the point. I hope he gets it. But I get it, so I guess that's all that matters. I think a lot of people really try to push for answers from their exes too soon. Like I said I never even bothered, but he must be at a place now where he too can look back on what happened and wonder a bit with out anger or suspicion. It's funny because where I am moving to next year is where he and I were supposed to go together. He might even be shocked that I am going ahead and doing it on my own. To him it might have the same sort of affect as me sleeping with his best friend, but......not really. He's probably suprised that I made it happen for myself. It was always more of a dream when we talked about it together.
dgiirl Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Sounds like you're in a good place and you wrote him an email that might even open the doors to remaining friends, if it's something the both of you want. However, I dont know what type of guy he is, so dont be surprised if he writes back a nasty or arrogant email. Just know you did something you needed for yourself, and dont worry about what he thinks. I remember seeing this guy. He was a friend of my friend's bf. He was a bit older than I was, I was in my last year of highschool at the time. We fooled around for a month (nothing too serious), and then he just stopped calling me. I was like, euuh ok, whatever. Then a year later, he asked my friend for my phone number. I was again, euuh why does he want to speak to me. I'm still not sure why he called. I think he was getting married and wanted to clear his conscience. I was polite on the phone but distant. He asked to call me in a week, but he never did. Sometimes you need closure to know the other person doesnt hate you. I honestly had no feelings for the guy, and I guess that helped him know that my life was still continuing w/o him. I hope he gives you the answers you need. Unfortunately, my stbxh gave me answers that I really did not need to know. I'm finding my own closure, because his truth is just too messed up for me to believe. I'm not even sure he knows what he's talking about. But I realize, I have to find the peace within myself. Learn my own lessons from this mess, and figure out how to make me happy.
moon Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Yeah the difference with this past break up I had was it was SO ANGRY. It was a totally a hateful break up with both of us saying horrible things to each other. I finally started thinking well maybe this is what two people say to each other to get the other person out of your life if they've been in your life for so long (four years). I mean that's a long ass time. I've had a couple other break ups. They were not nasty at all. I really tried not to make them nasty. One time I saw an ex about eight months after our break up. He and I had not had a nasty break up at all. We had really cared about each other at one time. We never fought when we were together either. I started dating somebody first after our break up and that didn't last. Next came his new big relationship post break up with me. I saw him one night and he told me the girl was a few years younger than me. I commented that she was pretty young....not even in a mean way and he said "She's more mature than you were!" (OUCH!!). I told him he was a jerk and walked away. That was the meanest thing that was ever said between us. But I saw him again and we were friendly. This past break up was like fireworks. Major, major drama. I didn't hold back and neither did he. I'd have to say the relationships that go out with a bang are easier to get over (saying ALL you have to say), but they leave you feeling somewhat guilty and like you kind of wouldn't mind the air being cleared. That's the downside. You sort of feel like you have a new enemy. The friendlier break ups I think leave you wanting more sometimes later. So either way I guess you're screwed. Okay I've highjacked this thread. Sorry, back to the happy no contact conversation......I didn't do so well today myself.
Author greenhorn Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by moon Okay I've highjacked this thread. Sorry, back to the happy no contact conversation......I didn't do so well today myself. Hey Moon, comeon, you didn't hijack the thread, rather you and dgiirl added meaning to this thread, it started just as a banter. It is always good to read your posts and they makes sense. Did you get the reply from your ex ? Do post us what did he write ?
dgiirl Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by moon Yeah the difference with this past break up I had was it was SO ANGRY. It was a totally a hateful break up with both of us saying horrible things to each other. I finally started thinking well maybe this is what two people say to each other to get the other person out of your life if they've been in your life for so long (four years). I mean that's a long ass time. This is fairly possible. My stbxh (8 years) said some pretty hurtful things to me too. Mind you this is the only long term relationship I've ever had, everyone else had been less than a year. But it makes sense that people will say some really mean things in order for you to let them go. They want out soooo badly, but they know you wont let them go unless they show you a side that you truely dont want. Either that, or they let things build up for so long that they lose total respect for you and themselves and this is the result. Okay I've highjacked this thread. Sorry, back to the happy no contact conversation......I didn't do so well today myself. lol I tend to go off topic too (sorry ) Staying in no contact doesnt apply to you anymore tho You're well past the stage of caring what he thinks. You're just doing it for closure, and now you can stay in NC if he doesnt respond I hope one day i'll be in the stage where you are.
moon Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 Thanks Greenhorn! I don't know when I'll hear from my ex again. I haven't heard from him yet. My letter was more of a picture this type of thing. Picture me suffering over you because of your shallowness and cruelty. But I then went on to tell about my potential plans and the good things that have come into my life. I did tell him to respond, but don't know when he'll get the balls to do it. Seriously he's never had a problem finding women. He likes to brag that he always has a girlfriend, so I guess that's why I knew I could contact him now when my feelings for him are down around zero. I really don't care if he's got a girlfriend or not......as long as it's not me. I couldn't go through the rollercoaster ride of dating him again. I've matured. I met him during a sort of uncertain period of my life and I feel I am on much stronger ground now........so I think him and me would just equal disaster. But it doesn't mean I can't get some of my feelings out about it. That dude should learn. But I want to strive for a good and healthy relationship like a lot of my friends. That's what I respond to now. No more drama.
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