mlpony Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 OK I had a casual relationship with a guy for a little over a year. Recently we ended it amicably. Things were fine and quiet for a while, then he started texting the occasional "hey" at night, which I did not like. I asked him to please stop unless it was really important. So today I get a text that his mom died. I said I was sorry and that was awful. However, I don’t really know whether to believe it or not. I hate to sound cold but I'm really trying to distance myself from him. If it turns out true, do I owe him anything but that original condolence? Do I still have the right to tell him to "get lost" if he acts stalkerish?
Wewon Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 OK I had a casual relationship with a guy for a little over a year. Recently we ended it amicably. Things were fine and quiet for a while, then he started texting the occasional "hey" at night, which I did not like. I asked him to please stop unless it was really important. So today I get a text that his mom died. I said I was sorry and that was awful. However, I don’t really know whether to believe it or not. I hate to sound cold but I'm really trying to distance myself from him. If it turns out true, do I owe him anything but that original condolence? Do I still have the right to tell him to "get lost" if he acts stalkerish? You said your condolences, I would think that's all anyone would expect. However, why is hearing about the death of a parent creates this kind of suspicion? I admit, I find it a little disconcerting that your first concern upon hearing about the death of his mom is your rights. Its not tough to be a compassionate human being. 1
Author mlpony Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 You said your condolences, I would think that's all anyone would expect. However, why is hearing about the death of a parent creates this kind of suspicion? I admit, I find it a little disconcerting that your first concern upon hearing about the death of his mom is your rights. Its not tough to be a compassionate human being. I know. There was a side of me that thought it might be a hoax. I have confirmed that it's not. So again I have apologized and I will send a card. I will not, of course, tell him to "bug off". But after condolences, I don't want to reopen the relationship, that's all.
Author mlpony Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 I know. There was a side of me that thought it might be a hoax. I have confirmed that it's not. So again I have apologized and I will send a card. I will not, of course, tell him to "bug off". But after condolences, I don't want to reopen the relationship, that's all. He's already started texting a lot again, a LOT. I don't want to reply. He has lots of other friends he can talk to about this. I'm an ex.
GemmaUK Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 You have sent your condolences. He feels an emotional connection and seriously some of that emotional connection is to do with hugs, kisses and sex that he can get. This sounds so damn harsh...but I know cos I have been there and lost my Mum just before I turned 18 and my Dad just before I turned 34. If you do not want to be back in a fwb or girlfriend situation with him then you need to cut contact - maybe tell him you are seeing someone? Don't get involved in something you don't want to be involved in.
No Limit Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 You sent your condolences - done. No social convention requires you to cheer him up by sleeping with him or being in active contact with him again.
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