quills822 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Hello, I've been dating this girl for 4 months and we had sex for the first time a couple nights ago. Everything went well, we cuddled afterwards, neither of us could sleep so we watched a movie late at night. After the movie she asked me if I would be annoyed if she went home? She stated she wasn't tired and felt like she wasn't going to be able to fall asleep. I said no it wouldn't bother me, but really I wanted her to stay to cuddle more and it kind of bothered me. I guess any thoughts as to why? Everything has been fine since, we have been texting and have a date on Saturday. Also, I thought of bringing it up to her, telling her something like it concerned me as to why you left in the middle of the night, if you really were not tired and didn't want to stay that's fine but I wanted to make sure nothing else was bothering you? Thoughts? Opinions? Thank you.
lilmissjava Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 How old are the both of you? My guess is that she felt a little overwhelmed and was still processing the intimacy you shared. Sure, things seem heavenly in the throes of passion, but then the after thought is a lot to take in, especially because your relationship is still so new. After 4 months of dating and then adding sex into the mix, it can be a lot to think about. I think it was an appropriate amount of time to wait for that, but sexual compatibility is important in a relationship too. I would wait and see what happens on Saturday, it could all just be nothing.
Xiomn Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) Hello, I've been dating this girl for 4 months and we had sex for the first time a couple nights ago. Everything went well, we cuddled afterwards, neither of us could sleep so we watched a movie late at night. After the movie she asked me if I would be annoyed if she went home? She stated she wasn't tired and felt like she wasn't going to be able to fall asleep. I said no it wouldn't bother me, but really I wanted her to stay to cuddle more and it kind of bothered me. I guess any thoughts as to why? Everything has been fine since, we have been texting and have a date on Saturday. Also, I thought of bringing it up to her, telling her something like it concerned me as to why you left in the middle of the night, if you really were not tired and didn't want to stay that's fine but I wanted to make sure nothing else was bothering you? Thoughts? Opinions? Thank you. She might just be looking for a friends with benefits and nothing more. But 4 months is a long time and you ain't giving me a lot of context to go on so. Do not bring up anything about it. You'll just end up looking clingy and beta. Do not bring up what she is looking for out of this relationship Do continue to sleep with her and date her as normal until SHE is the one that brings up the topic of "us" and "where is this going?" unless you want to run risk of scaring her away for good. Essentially don't confront her about anything and carry on like you don't care. Edited December 24, 2015 by Xiomn
Author quills822 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 I'm 33 and she is 31, in some ways I think bringing it up could be somewhat confrontational. If it keeps happening that will be concerning. Everything has been normal between us since that night.
d0nnivain Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 After the movie she asked me if I would be annoyed if she went home? She stated she wasn't tired and felt like she wasn't going to be able to fall asleep. I said no it wouldn't bother me, but really I wanted her to stay to cuddle more and it kind of bothered me. Also, I thought of bringing it up to her, telling her something like it concerned me as to why you left in the middle of the night, if you really were not tired and didn't want to stay that's fine but I wanted to make sure nothing else was bothering you? Why'd you lie? You wanted her to stay & you were upset when she left. So why did you tell her it wouldn't bother you? If you had said, "I'd prefer that you stay & I'd really like to wake up with you in my arms" she may have done just that. In a sense you brought this on yourself. I'd let it go at this point because if you bring it up the 1st thing she is going to learn about you is that you can't be trusted to say what you mean. I'd have a problem continuing a relationship with somebody so passive aggressive. She may be one of those people who doesn't like to sleep over in the beginning. I never got a good night's sleep with a new lover. It was easier to go home. In the future, be clear & say what you mean / are feeling. It saves a whole lot of unnecessary drama like this which is based on your failure to communicate what you wanted. 2
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