Vixi Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Come to think of it, I started dating him because I felt bad for him. We had a lot in common- we both grew up in abusive, single-parent homes, and came from families with little money or education. He's someone that I really identified with and felt that I could relate to...but I was never really attracted to him. He was just so nice to me and attentive, at a time where I felt very alone. So I decided to date him even though I knew that he was too young for me, and wasn't mature in the ways that I wanted him to be. He is still in school and I work full-time. He ended up moving into my apartment after a few weeks of dating for about 6 months, and I really enjoyed having someone to come home to...I wasn't really concerned about him not being able to pay half the rent. He would buy the groceries and it felt nice to finally have someone around. But the problems started cropping up almost immediately. We would have little fights over anything and everything- I felt that he was being difficult on purpose because he felt insubordinate to me in a lot of ways. I also struggle with demons of my own; I had jealousy issues, anger issues, and trouble communicating with him...all of this compounded by the fact that we were now living together. I guess I started to feel resentful of the fact that I was paying all of the rent, working all day- while he sat around at home, didn't lift a finger around the apartment, and watched movies/ played video games all day. When I started to complain about all of this, he decided to go back home to his mom's house. A month later he asks me to move into his mom's house and I decide to do it (knowing intuitively that this was a terrible decision). He bought all new furniture and completely renovated the upper floor of his mom's house...all so that I would move in! And although I knew that giving up my apartment was not the best move, I did it anyway and have been paying for it ever since. His laziness has gotten worse, he does absolutely nothing but watch TV and sleep all day. I've lost friends because they can't stand to hear me complain anymore. And I've ended up feeling more alone than I had before I met him. The problem is that I feel really, really bad for him. I can see that he is not doing well and I'd feel terrible if I left him and got a place of my own. He is definitely suffering from depression but doesn't seem to want to acknowledge it or seek help. I suffer from mental health issues as well, but I am in therapy twice a week and have spent thousands of dollars trying to salvage the relationship. All it's done is make me realize that perhaps, I might just have to accept that I can't change him. And the only person I can change is myself as cliche as it sounds. But right now my environment is very stifling. I am suffering from depression too. I want to move out but I don't want to be alone. Although we aren't happy, I feel like we still care about each other. Well at least I know that I care about him. I don't want to have sex with him at all these days and his interest in sex has dwindled...I guess I just figured that this is what marriage was like. But I know that something is wrong. The few friends that I have left tell me that I have changed and that I don't appear to be myself anymore. I just want to feel okay again but I don't want him to fall deeper into his depression if I leave. I'm just so lost. I am 32 years old and I feel so desperate and hopeless.
craw Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 What the fook? Move out already. Continue working on yourself and healing - he will be fine on his own. You are not to take care of him.
Author Vixi Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 I guess I'm just afraid of being alone. And I do enjoy his company...at times... I just feel terrible because I don't want to hurt him.
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